Post # 1
Hi. I don’t know how to word this, so I’m just gonna come out and say it. I just got engaged to my boyfriend of 8 months. Immediately following the proposal, I was the happiest girl in the world, because nothing seemed to matter other than the fact I was gonna be married to the man that I love. However, after a good night of sleep, I woke up, and I felt, for the first time, a wave of fear. I started to question everything. “Is he the one?”, “What if I’m making a mistake?”, “Can we ACTUALLY do this?”, etc. Well, I do think he is THE ONE. I can’t imagine my life without him, but I can’t stop…freaking out! Yes, I am happy that he asked. I’ve been slowly dropping hints to literally everyone that I would love to marry him and spend the rest of our time together, so I was, as I said, quite astonished beyond belief. But I just keep feeling wave of fear, wave of doubt, wave of X FEELING I (AT LEAST THINK) I SHOULDN’T BE FEELING. Has anyone experienced this? Maybe it’s just a hang up because I’m so young (I’m 21) that I am now seeing that this is not just a commitment, but IT’S THE ULTIMATE COMMITMENT. I’d still love to marry him, but I just have to know that this fear is natural. I do realise that we don’t have to get married immediately, and I’ve even been told to stretch out my engagement as long as possible just to settle into the idea that this is happening. If any of you have any advice, I’d much appreciate it.
Post # 2
This is going to come out sounding bitchy but UR 21 and have been with him for 8 months, no wonder why UR fearful…
Post # 3
You are 21 and you have only known him for 8 months? That’s really not long enough to truly get to know someone completely and at your age what’s the rush? Marriage is a hluge commitment I can understand why you are nervous I strongly recommend having a long engagement at least a couple of years you sholdnt marry someone unless you are 100%
Post # 4
You are normal. I had the same feeling for a bit after getting engaged. We had been dating for 8 months. It will calm down if you are 100% into marrying him…but then again we are were 28 so we were a bit older and situated in life.
Post # 5
It’s probably because your young and you’ve only dated him 8 months. That’s not long at all to truly get to know him. I’m sure you haven’t even had serious issues yet. It’s hard to determine if you can spend your life together if the biggest fight you’ve gotten into is where to eat for dinner. I’m not saying that’s the case, and I don’t know what your life together is like, but It doesn’t sound like youve experienced much life together. It seems rushed. Why don’t you just have a long engagement until you find your answer.
Is it normal? To an extent. It’s usually something that passes quickly. If you are still fixated on it, then it’s not a great sign.
Take your time and enjoy your engagement and have a long one.
Post # 6
You’re very young and things are moving really fast for you. No offense but you and your Fiance hardly know each other. It’s normal to have some cold feet but I personally have never doubted my engagement for a second. I definitely recommend a long engagement in your situation. Live together for a while, talk about important issues like kids, religion, money etc. Really make sure you’re doing the right thing before actually tying the knot.
Post # 7
I know that everyone has a different timeline and age for when they feel ready for marriage, but for me, 8 months with someone at the age of 21 would be too soon. My DH and I started dating at 20 and just got married this year, and I’m grateful for the extra time we had to really make sure this was right for us.
I’m wondering if your doubt stems from some unknowns. For example, do you know what you both believe when it comes to religion? Are you guys on the same page about having kids and raising them? Have you ever had a significant argument? Do you know what it’s like to support each other through really difficult situations? I consider these to be significant conversations/experiences for a couple to have before knowing they’re ready for marriage.
On the other hand, my grandparents only knew each other for a couple months before they got married, and they were together for 50+ years, so it’s quite possible that you know this is right. But in my honest opinion, if you are having these kinds of doubts, then I would recommend giving it more time. Have a long engagement and DON’T start wedding planning until you’re sure your ready. If you start wedding planning now, I think you may get too wrapped up in the wedding and lose focus on whether this is the right relationship for marriage. Hope this helps!
Post # 8
I would suggest a 2ish year engagement…. 21 is so young! Its SO easy to be head over heels 8 months in.
Post # 9
I think it’s normal. I daydreamed about receiving a proposal from DH for months before it happened, the after it happened, it hit me that it was real!! We were engaged at 13 months and married 15 months after that. Our engagement felt like years while wedding planning, but now that we’re married, it seemed like no time at all. Life moves fast and sometimes you just have to go with your gut instinct!
Post # 10
You are moving at lightening speed and you have all the time in the world.
Have a long engagement and ensure that you are making a smart decision.
Post # 11
8 months? wow! It took me 3 years just to decide to co-habitate with my now Fiance. lol I do think a little doubt is realistic and expected but probably not waves of fear. I agree with the long engagement. Good luck 🙂
Post # 12
I do think that 21 is awfully young, and 8 months is an awfully short time. But provided the two of you have discussed whether to have children (and how many, ideally), religion (whether you share one or will be a dual faith family and how you will raise children if you choose to have them), money (goals, personal money styles), careers, future plans, vacation preferences, etc. then at least you are on the same page. If any of the things I’ve mentioned come as a surprise, then you aren’t ready because you don’t know each other well enough. Do the two of you have the finances to have a wedding? Do you live together or will you live together prior to marriage?
And while no one here knows you well enough to know how well you know your BF, what the two of you have discussed and whether the two of you are prepared to be married, many people never think of discussing things like money or children or religion when they are 21 or when they have only been dating for 8 months. But these are things you definitely do not want to be a surprise after you are married! Like a PP said, if you are truly sure about marrying him, your doubts will fall away. If you are not, they will get worse. So please listen to your intuition and your real feelings about this. If you are still feeling doubts and fear after another year, you definitely should NOT marry him.
Post # 13
I don’t see age has anything to do with it. Yeah, statistics, but not everyone is a statistic. The issue here is how short you’ve been together. I would have a long engagement, and if those feelings don’t go away, leave. He’s not the right one for you if you have ANY doubts.
Post # 14
You’ll have a lot of people here tell you that 21 is awfully young to be engaged, especially after knowing someone only 8 months. Personally, when I was 21 I would not have felt ready to get engaged no matter how long I dated the guy.
You’re not crazy for having these feelings and its good that you’re aware of them. Like others have said, have a long engagement. How old is your FI? The reason I ask is because if he is young like you he should have no problems waiting to get married as you grow and change so much in your early 20s.
Take it one day at a time and take your time in this relationship. There’s no reason to run to the alter.
Post # 15
I’ve taken in all of your replies, and the general consensus is that it’s normal, but if I really do wanna do this, it should subside rather quickly. It has. I’m with the lot of you that have suggested a long engagement. I don’t plan on getting married tomorrow or next week or next month or even next year. I am well aware that I should take my time. Bit I do appreciate every piece of advice I’ve been given. I know I’m young, and I have A LOT to learn about my fiancé. And I understand the confusion as to why we can’t just continue to date and not be engaged, but that I can’t whole heartedly explain through and through. I guess that’s the “well, I just can’t imagine my life without him” side of me coming out. And I know, as someone else noted, it’s very easy to be head over heels at 21 and think you’re making the best choices, but I feel this is. Thank you all!