(Closed) Just got engaged but I'm not happy

posted 5 years ago in Proposals
Post # 2
Member
4054 posts
Honey bee

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newlyengaged2015:  it’s not normal. You’re young and have your whole life ahead of you. Don’t settle. If you aren’t happy, do yourself (and him) a favor and move on now, before you get married. 

Post # 3
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee

It sounds to me like you aren’t in love with this person anymore and are only with him because that is just how it has been for years.  You said yourself that you aren’t happy.  Why aren’t you happy? What are you unhappy about?  Your relationship?  If so, what is it about your relationship that doesn’t make you happy?  Sad to say, but this relationship may have just run its course and him proposing and you realizing that you aren’t happy about it is kind of making that clear.

So take some time to really think about what is not making you happy and go from there.

ETA:  And this is coming from someone who got married to their high school sweetheart.  So this isn’t just about you being young and only ever having one boyfriend.  This is about you not being happy.

Post # 4
Member
1836 posts
Buzzing bee

Nope. Not normal. You probably need to break it off. 

Post # 5
Member
628 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

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newlyengaged2015:  Listen to your heart here, it’s speaking loud and clear. It sounds like you’re 23 and have been in this relationship since you were 16. It’s okay to feel like you need a little space before making such a forever commitment, if you even feel like making it at this stage in your life at all. Just don’t rush in to planning anything. Again, just listen to your heart.

Post # 6
Member
1646 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Not normal at all.

Post # 7
Member
1978 posts
Buzzing bee

This is not normal, but it’s GOOD that you have acknowledged it now! Do not go forward with marrying this person until you really figure out where these feelings are coming from. Ultimately, he could be a very nice man, a great partner, but still not be the right person for you. There is no shame in that.

Post # 9
Member
2180 posts
Buzzing bee

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newlyengaged2015:  Not once in your post do you say that you love him. I think you’ve answered your own question. 

Post # 10
Member
3313 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Congratulations on your engagement. Give yourself a few days to let it sink in as you could be just in shock. 

I didn’t cry or get gushing feeling as my proposal was at home, ring less and over our fry up tea lol

Post # 11
Member
2320 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

You don’t need to gush or cry, but not being happy about it answers your question.

Post # 12
Member
7802 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
newlyengaged2015:  You don’t care about the proposal/planning a wedding or you don’t care about marrying this man you want to spend the rest of your life with? If it’s the former–okay, not everyone is into the whole wedding biz. If it’s the latter–if you are not excited about marrying this man–that’s not normal. You deserve better. He deserves better. He may well be a sweet, wonderful man and still not be the right man for you. Hugs, Bee. 

Post # 13
Member
1047 posts
Bumble bee

Why did you say yes?

Post # 14
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I’m sorry you feel that way!  It should be an exciting, emotional time!  Just because he is nice and sweet and you have been together for a while doesn’t mean you are meant to be married.  Did you guys talk about marriage before he propsed?  You should be able to at least talk to him about these feelings.  Marriage is forever, make sure you seriously talk with your fiance, I’d say sooner rather than later.  And who knows, maybe the excitement just didn’t hit?! Good luck, bee.

Post # 15
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee

Not normal, and not a good sign at all. There are ups and downs, and sometimes you’re going to question why you’re with someone. But right now, you’re not even angry or frustrated in your relationship- you are apathetic and checked out. If there were things that you could say were making you unhappy (i.e. he doesn’t seem to put as much effort in, he’s unwilling to compromise on X thing). then I’d at least say you have something to go off to start trying to turn things around. However, you seem to just be over this relationship. You know he’s a good guy and going to make someone a very good husband and parenting partner, but you know that person is not you. I’d break it off. Sometimes you’re going to find good people who make good partners and deserve all your love and affection, but it isn’t fair to keep them hanging just because you know they are the whole package. You need to love him back fully, just as he loves you, otherwise you’re being incredibly selfish.

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