Post # 1
Hello folks! Haven’t been on here for a while, been uber uber busy with things.
So, I AM ENGAGED! So unbelievably happy, he is really really perfect for me and makes me incredibly happy!
Small amount of gushing over, I am confused about wedding planning. We both have agreed to wait until my MSc is over before planning (so planning would start next September), and my parents etc are ok with this. They will also be funding the wedding I believe (which I am incredibly grateful for!)
Where do I begin with planning? There are a few definites with my fiance (eek!) and I:
- We both want to get married in an English country house/manor. A nice, big grand one. Awesome.
- We also agreed that he would be in a morning suit (yay!) and I would be in a traditional Indian lengha (either red, or red and white) for the ceremony, and a sari for the reception. Should add at this point that I am Indian and he is (very much!) English. And definitely looks it too. We both live in the UK. Think this for the lengha:
- We also know that we want a non-religious ceremony, as we are both atheists.
- We have kind of decided on a nice theme – a mix of traditional Indian and English cultures. For example: A cake like this
For the ‘cloth’ side, I would like to have it in the colours of my wedding dress, and the other half could be a traditional ‘English’ white wedding cake. Think this kind of thing (except the dark brown would be replaced by the Indian drapery in the cake above, or something similar!)
This theme would be super easy to pull off: favours would be a mixture of little English and Indian bits and bobs, table centres could be the same as well. There would be a lot of red, maybe gold as well (not sure about this though).
- Not sure about food though.
When do I start looking at venues? What about catering etc? This is all very very tentative at the moment obviously, but it’d be nice to know what I should prioritise etc. We are making a scrapbook for now with any ideas which catch our fancy (like the cake idea!)
Thanks for anyone who helps out 🙂
Post # 3
@OrchidsandCandles: Congrats! I would say that you and your Fiance should first figure out time of year that you’d like to get married. Then, start looking at places that fit your parents budget. Once that is set and you have a date-then book all your major vendors-photog, catering, DJ, cake, flowers, officiant. Then all the other more detailed stuff-decor, dress, ceremony timeline, etc.
Post # 4
Love the cakes and dress! wish my culture had traditional wedding dress instead of just the usual white attire.
Post # 5
Try to figure out the time of you you would like to get married and then look at booking your vendors about a year out from the wedding. If they are very sought after locations, you might have to have more than a year planning time though.
Post # 6
I’d say your venue(s) should be the first thing you look for once you nail down some details with your family. Even if you book it a year before you start planning anything else, you’ll have a much better shot at getting your first choice. We actually had our appointments booked to tour our venues before I officially had the ring on my finger, just because we had a very specific date in mind (and I knew he’d already bought the ring). For me, the checklists on WeddingWire and TheKnot helped me prioritize a lot. I didn’t necessarily follow everything to the letter, but it gave me some framework to base my planning.
Post # 7
It sound like you guys have a great start! I would do it a little differently than recommended above (just based on my experience). I would (a) get an idea of how many people you may want to invite; (b) set a realistic budget (ie: sit down with your parents and talk real money stuff; no assumptions – this may require some preliminary cost research); (c) decide what time of year/time frame you are interested in (sometimes this helps those you want to come to be able to show up and/or helps the budget); and then, (d) look at venues.
You really need an idea of how many people you need to accommodate and how much you can afford before you look at venues; otherwise, you’ll be like a lot of sad Bees on here who are desparately trying to cut down their guest list to fit their dream venue. If you never saw the venue, you don’t have to experience this heartache of cutting people. Just my opinion.
Finally, a tip I don’t see floating around much that I wish I’d heard: if you are going to do save the dates (American thing?), don’t send it to someone unless you are absolutely sure they should be invited. We had some guest list growth issues by the time invitations had to go out because our friend group/important people had changed and we needed to accommodate them. As my Fiance said, this is about our future, not our past. It’s not a reunion, but a way to build your community moving forward into your married life. Hopefully you won’t have this issue, but we did.
Finally, have fun!
Post # 8
Etiquette Snob here… lol
I cannot stress enough how important it is to start doing your Reading & Research BEFORE anything else.
Go out and buy yourself an Etiquette Book (one that is relative to the UK)
The more you read & understand, the fewer faux pas / mistakes… and stepped on toes later (and money saved)
Next work on your Guest List & Budget. You really cannot begin the whole detailed planning until you accurately know how much money you have to work with… and how many people you wish to (or realistically can afford) invite.
Once you know all that stuff, the rest will fall into place
Don’t be the gal who sends out Save-The-Date Cards without doing your homework first… you need to know Guest List & Budget BEFORE you know Date and Venue.
It gets very awkward to find yourself in a spot where you’ve sent out Save-The-Date Cards BEFORE you’ve discovered you cannot have a sit-down dinner for 200… and you have to change directions overall so that either you can share your day with 200… or you can only afford to host 100 or less for a Sit Down Meal.
Having done the research & your homework, you’ll benefit from added flexibility in setting out what you get to happen overall.
Hope this helps,
PS… Photos & Vision are GORGEOUS !!
Post # 9
Thank you all very much!
So what I have gathered is that first things are start looking around for venues etc, discuss budget with parents as time draws nearer, find out etiquette (though him and I both agree that it is to be a fairly relaxed wedding regarding this), and that I would like it to be either in the spring or autumn (and Fiance agrees), because I don’t want people absolutely freezing in the winter or boiling in the summer, especially if people are in formalwear!
Guest list I know there will be a lot of friends/family from my side (Indian families are HUGE) – we’re talking at least 80. My mum and I were talking about who to invite etc. From his side, there will be a max of 20. Hopefully there won’t be more than 120 people at the wedding, otherwise I feel it gets too big. It shouldn’t matter too much because my Fiance and I will be visiting some family in India who couldn’t make the wedding (like my grandparents for example)
Post # 10
Just looked it up–here’s one site that helps finds UK venues of all types: http://www.greatbritishweddings.co.uk/wedding-venues.asp
I agree with PPs, start with a guest list, that will rule out different venues as you start looking. Congratulations on your engagement!
Post # 11
When I got engaged I also had no idea where to start. Even though you don’t plan on starting “to plan” until next september there are a few things you can get out of the way beforehand. I used websites like the knot. It has a timeline and a checklist of things you need to get done, and in what timeframe to do them!
Honestly, If it weren’t for that site. I would be buried up to my head in things that needed to get done. I am 2.5 weeks away from my wedding and I am completely finished!! Everyone is so surprised and I am enjoying these last few weeks being stress free! =) Happy planning!