- 4 years ago
dated 2 years. From the very first dates, I always felt like he was an emotional brick wall you couldn’t penetrate. Example: for 2nd date he suggests last minute that I come over his place and watch a movie. I respond, just FYI, I’m not looking for a hookup type of thing. He ignores that text, but soon changes plan to ice cream. We get ice cream, sit talking for 10 minutes – nothing deep- and he says &”let’s get out of here,” THEN has me over his place and sleeps w me. After 1 year he’d never said I love you back, said it took him 25 years to even say the words to his mom. I knew Zero about his family- he never talked about them, hasn’t seen them in a decade. (They live in a poor country overseas. Eventually his sister whom I’ve never met begs me, in a message online, to try to make him care more about their family bc she feels he’s forgotten them.) if I said “do you miss your family?” He’d just say with a stone cold face “;it is what it is. I’m fine.” He never got emotional about ANYthing. Made comments like “;the world is not a rosy place where you can be happy. I learned that long ago”Any time I brought up future (ex. “Have you thought about us living together? I think it’d be fun”, he’d end up dumping me, staring at wall for hours or even a few days while I cried, and eventually start talking to me again like all was normal but would never bring up the incident. first time I brought up marriage he said “I’ll marry you when the time is right but I’m warning you if you keep bringing up the topic I’ll dump you,” then immediately tried to sneak out to a bar with this single coworker he’d been flirting with. if I asked what sort of time frame he thought for his life, he would say “I don’t know.” Always man of very few words.
One of his only close friends had a going away party but my Boyfriend or Best Friend missed it completely BC he wanted to work more on some work presentation. Which didn’t surprise me, once he told me “work is my priority. Not you. That’s why I came to this country. Also I didn’t come here to make friends or be liked” So I went, and the friend ended up telling me “we tried to get him to go to therapy for his issues… You know, like his past and family stuff or whatever.” No, I had no idea. later my Boyfriend or Best Friend kept flirting w the same girl and said he’d definitely come over her apartment to drink w her once she came back in town. I confronted him when I found the messages in a very innocent way. He literally acted like I was insane, “what messages? I don’t know what you’re taking about.” The few times he agreed to be around my family, my mom said “it was odd bc he’d do the right things- like bring me flowers- but would have such a cold facial expression and no warmth, like a robot, that I knew I was supposed to feel happy but really didn’t.”Funny she said that bc that’s how I felt most of my relationship w him.
<div id=”post_message_6643670″ style=”font-family: verdana, geneva, lucida, ‘lucida grande’, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: #fdfdfd;”>After 2 years he dumped me for good bc, “I warned you not to keep wanting to talk about the future.” Funny bc he told me he’d dumped his ex after 4 years “;bc she wanted to talk about getting engaged then and I didn’t so we fought and I dumped her.” fast forward a few months. last nigt i call him. He answers immediately. Stayed on phone for 1.5 hours saying very little. I’d ask “are you going to see your family again soon?l and he’d say in a flat voice “maybe. Don’t know. Haven’t thought about it.” Even though he has tons of time off now. I said “well do you miss them” and he’d say “such is life.” I asked how work Was, etc, If there was anything he’s looking forward to in next few months or whatever. He just had his usual flat depressed sounding voice and said, “no.” At one point I was like “hey if you want to get off the phone that’s totally fine , you don’t have to keep talking to me if you have nothing to say” but he said nothing to that and refused to make up an excuse to get off phone. Finally I had to. I asked about holiday plans and he basically said he has none and will likely spend them alone and, “it’s fine.” In an emotionless, flat voice. The way he always talked about everything. No life, no happiness or excitement. I don’t get it?? Why he sat on phone for 1.5 hours, getting off only when I said bye, but like usual said very little and just seemed closed off</div>
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