(Closed) Just got off phone with my ex- what\'s wrong with him/us?posted 4 years ago in Relationships
- 4 years ago
- Wedding: October 2019 - City, State
zebra10: Ok. Let me try one more time to make some sense to you.
I am an emotionally closed off person. I know this about myself. I am not outwardly emotional at all. I even struggle to say “i love you” for the first time in most cases. So that is a real thing. However, there’s a huge difference between someone being not outwardly emotional and someone being emotionally damaged or incapable of feeling true emotion. One is a personality trait, another is a sickness or condition that should be addressed with therapy. There are many reasons a person can become this way and it sounds like this man you are so set on is not someone who just doesn’t show emotion, he sounds emotionally damaged. You have a very long and very hard road ahead of you if you think you will be able to be happy with someone like this. He is the only person who can fix himself and there isn’t any action or words you can say to magically get him to open up to you or feel anything for you. It’s just not how it works.
Furthermore, there is something going on with you if this is the kind of person you seek. It seems to me that you are attracted to people who need to be fixed or damaged people who are incapable of having healthy loving open relationships since that is literally the opposite of what you seek out. I almost think you are attracted to the idea of someone who is incapable of loving properly going against their instincts and letting you in, almost because it makes you feel special or unique because you were the one who was able to get through to them or be loved enough that it somehow got them to break their walls down. This is not the healthiest of relationships to seek out. You are in for a lot of hurt and frustration if this is in fact the kind of relationship you want.
It’s find to want a challenge. I too like to keep things interesting but let me tell you how to find a challenge in a healthy way. My SO challenges me everyday. Not because he makes me question his feelings for me, or because I have to chase him. But more because he challenges me to be a better version of myself. He challenges me to find new and better ways to love him, not because he asks for it but because I love him taht much that I always want to find new and better ways to show it, and that’s coming from someone who is not outwardly emotional, remember that. He doesn’t do anything in particular to make me feel that way and as such there is no advice to give on how to make someone feel a certain way about you. If that were possible, no one would ever miss out on being with the persno they want because you could just flip a magic switch and have them to yourself. That’s not reality and you need to realize this isn’t a math problem. There’s no equation that will add up to you getting what you want from him.
If you are going to choose to keep pursuing this man, you need to stop asking internet strangers for a quick fix on how to get him. Instead you need to sit back, buckle up and ready yourself for the long hard ride you have ahead of you. You also need to prepare yourself for the possibility that you may never get what you want or need from him. If it took him 25 years to tell his own mother he loved her, I fear you may never hear it. That’s extreme and proof of a very damaged individual.
You have pages and pages of good advice and still you just don’t seem to understand that the reason you aren’t getting the answers you seek is because it’s just not possible. No one here can tell you what you want to know.
- 4 years ago
- Wedding: November 2015
Wow, this thread is still open? I’mma go get my popcorn and catch up.
- 4 years ago
BeachBee1988: Seriously LOL’d at this – at work! PERFECT, and exactly how I feel about this thread.
zebra10: OP, I understand you when you say that he’s emotionally closed off, so every little sign he gives you actually “means something” and I understand that you want advice on how to get him to love you. He’ll never love you, but I think you can “get him back” if you do the following:
– Tell him that you want to offer him sexual favors whenever he wants them.
– Tell him that you’re ok with him seeing and sleeping with (and even marrying) someone else – you’ll always be there for him sexually.
– Tell him that you’ll quit your job and all of your hobbies, and be at his beck and call, day and night. Essentially – offer to be his sex slave.
– NEVER mention a future together (you know he doesn’t want one with you) and recognize that he’s going to treat you like shit for the rest of your life.
You’re going to be less important to him than his work, his friends, the other women he’s sleeping with (sounds like this is what you want). He’ll be less concerned with you than he is the dirt on his shoe. Since you’ve said that being treated like shit appeals to you, and in fact makes you want him more(!), then take the above advice and go for it.
- 4 years ago
- Wedding: October 2016
I can’t believe this shit is still going.
Furthermore, I can’t believe I just read all of the new comments to fill my work time.
- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2011
I’m going to close this now. Have a good day ladies.
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