Post # 1
Just had a fight. He yelled at me and this is not usual (may be twice or thrice a year is all).
Overheard him telling his mom something this morning which we had discussed he wouldn’t tell. I was upset he went against what we discussed. So, I just stopped interaction with him after he put down the phone. Essentially, silent treatment for 4 hours as I was upset and felt disrespected. After 4 hours I said , I heard what you said on the phone and we discussed we won’t mention it. He got mad and started yelling that he is not at fault and that I’m the one who ignored him all morning. I said ignored because I didnt want to ask you about it and wanted you to tell me but you never did. To that he responds he is tired of keeping me happy and I have mountains of expectations (which can be true many times) and he changed his mind while on the phone with his mother. I said it is completely OK to change your mind but you have to tell me first. I’m the second person in the relationship not third assuming you are first. Note that all his words were yelled at me in a loud voice while I spoke in a calm tone.
I don’t know if I should push the issue or leave as-is .
Post # 2
Yelling really sucks but giving the silent treatment for 4 hours is not a mature or constructive way to handle being upset either.
Post # 3
Giving your partner the silent treatment is very immature and shows very poor communication skills.
It sounds like you are your husband need to learn how to communicate more effectively.
Post # 4
You said it doesn’t happen often at all, so I will just keep monitoring that…hope it’s once in a while kind of behaviour. I will let it go if it’s a rare occasion.
Post # 5
Both of you are in the wrong. You both need to look into how to communicate more effectively. I get needing space to cool off, but being passive aggressive because you’re upset doesnt fix anything. When you have both had time to cool off, broach the issue again in a non confrontational matter. Come at it in a way that makes you guys partners rather than pointing fingers.
Post # 6
You both sound very immature. The silent treatment is childish and resolves nothing. Yelling is completely unacceptable. Grown ups sit down and discuss their conflicts.
Both of you have some work to do learning basic communication skills.
Post # 7
Agree with PPs. Giving the silent treatment for 4 hours is very destructive to a relationship. Did you learn that from home, when you were growing up?
He changed his mind and blabbed. It happens. So long as you told him that you want him to ok with you beforehand, I think the issue can be resolved easily. Obviously he wasn’t sneaking behind your back telling his mom this as you were close by and were eavesdropping. The bigger issue is your lack of conflict management and punishing him by going silent on him. That’s NOT ok.
Post # 8
The silent treatment? You delayed having a rational conversation for 4 hours. During that time he became angry. You are both in the wrong.
Post # 9
I realize my behavior was not the best. In light of my behavior, I wanted to understand why he yelled. I was upset with him and wanted him to first tell me instead of me having to pry around. So I chose, a non-constructive, behavior and didn’t talk to him for 3 or 4 hours. Spent the time cleaning the house.
Thank you for your responses. Puts things in perspective. I Wil wait until we both are cool and bring the topic up again.
Post # 10
keya : disclaimer: I do not think my advice here is “good” and I know I’m being an enabler or something along that lines……whatever.
If you WANT to argue tell him not be be such a mama’s boy. My ex was like that and his mother was insufferable so I empathize with your frustation.
Post # 11
I hate yelling, my parents yelled at each other, so i understand your feelings there. It’s hard to say if what he did was right or wrong without knowing the whole story. Have dinner and talk calmly about it after.
Post # 12
Imho, the silent treatment is worse than the yelling. Sounds like you need to grow some thicker skin and start communicating even when it’s uncomfortable to do so. He likely got angry to the point of yelling bc you were literally ignoring him. Passive aggressive behavior can be just as hurtful, so be mindful of that.
Post # 13
He yelled for the same reason you gave him the silent treatment. He was upset and that was his reaction. You both need to work on communicating better. But you can’t fault him for communicating with you ineffectively if you’ve done the same. The silent treatment and yelling are actually considered emotional abuse.
Post # 14
keya : sounds like you can both benefit from some counselling to learn to communicate better.
Post # 15
To me, silent treatment is much worse than yelling. I️ d rather someone yell for few minutes, blew off some steam and we talk it out immediately than ignore me for hours. That would get me to boiling point pissed.