Just got yelled by husband

posted 1 year ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
428 posts
Helper bee

Yelling really sucks but giving the silent treatment for 4 hours is not a mature or constructive way to handle being upset either. 

Post # 3
Member
9680 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Giving your partner the silent treatment is very immature and shows very poor communication skills.

It sounds like you are your husband need to learn how to communicate more effectively.

Post # 4
Member
347 posts
Helper bee

You said it doesn’t happen often at all, so I will just keep monitoring that…hope it’s once in a while kind of behaviour. I will let it go if it’s a rare occasion.

Post # 5
Member
3730 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Both of you are in the wrong. You both need to look into how to communicate more effectively. I get needing space to cool off, but being passive aggressive because you’re upset doesnt fix anything. When you have both had time to cool off, broach the issue again in a non confrontational matter. Come at it in a way that makes you guys partners rather than pointing fingers. 

Post # 6
Member
10670 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

keya :  

You both sound very immature.  The silent treatment is childish and resolves nothing.  Yelling is completely unacceptable.  Grown ups sit down and discuss their conflicts.

Both of you have some work to do learning basic communication skills.

Post # 7
Member
4823 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Agree with PPs. Giving the silent treatment for 4 hours is very destructive to a relationship. Did you learn that from home, when you were growing up? 

He changed his mind and blabbed. It happens. So long as you told him that you want him to ok with you beforehand, I think the issue can be resolved easily. Obviously he wasn’t sneaking behind your back telling his mom this as you were close by and were eavesdropping. The bigger issue is your lack of conflict management and punishing him by going silent on him. That’s NOT ok.

Post # 8
Member
3311 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

The silent treatment? You delayed having a rational conversation for 4 hours. During that time he became angry. You are both in the wrong.

Post # 10
Member
2646 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

keya :  disclaimer: I do not think my advice here is “good” and I know I’m being an enabler or something along that lines……whatever.

If you WANT to argue tell him not be be such a mama’s boy. My ex was like that and his mother was insufferable so I empathize with your frustation.

Post # 11
Member
4042 posts
Honey bee

I hate yelling, my parents yelled at each other, so i understand your feelings there. It’s hard to say if what he did was right or wrong without knowing the whole story. Have dinner and talk calmly about it after.

Post # 12
Member
1537 posts
Bumble bee

Imho, the silent treatment is worse than the yelling. Sounds like you need to grow some thicker skin and start communicating even when it’s uncomfortable to do so. He likely got angry to the point of yelling bc you were literally ignoring him. Passive aggressive behavior can be just as hurtful, so be mindful of that. 

Post # 13
Member
452 posts
Helper bee

He yelled for the same reason you gave him the silent treatment. He was upset and that was his reaction. You both need to work on communicating better. But you can’t fault him for communicating with you ineffectively if you’ve done the same. The silent treatment and yelling are actually considered emotional abuse. 

Post # 14
Member
3560 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

keya :  sounds like you can both benefit from some counselling to learn to communicate better.

Post # 15
Member
2813 posts
Sugar bee

To me, silent treatment is much worse than yelling. I️ d rather someone yell for few minutes, blew off some steam and we talk it out immediately than ignore me for hours. That would get me to boiling point pissed. 

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