(Closed) Just had my bridal shower and need etiquette advice

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 61
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Winery

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molokoa:  LOL!

Post # 62
Member
47380 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

 

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molokoa:  Surely you can find something more important to criticize than typos or spelling errors. If they are that important to you, you will be correcting hundreds of threads daily.

Post # 64
Member
47380 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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arosebyanyothername:  That would be witty if it were original, whcih we all know it’s not.

Post # 65
Member
2836 posts
Sugar bee

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julies1949:    If I were going for humour, you would know.  Yet you didn’t answer the question???

Post # 66
Member
47380 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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arosebyanyothername:  You are correct. I didn’t answer the question. How observant of you. Have you finished thread jacking yet? or do you have more?

ps don’t feel under any obligation to answer those questions either.

Post # 67
Member
2730 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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clattarulo626:  I didn’t read all of the comments so sorry if I’m repeating or misunderstanding.

I think the BIGGEST problem with your statment is you are basically saying “yeah, we have no use for your gift so can you return it and just fork over the CASH so we can buy something we actually LIKE??”

I understand what you mean about people wasting their money on something that won’t be used but they CHOSE to go off the registry so that’s the risk they take. If they wanted to buy you something practical that you absolutely need, they would have bought something off the registry.

Especially with expensive glass wear. A lot of people (especially older generations) see these things as sentimental gifts. Specialty items you’ll pull out once a year or for only really special occassions. No one is spending that much money on crystal glass wear expecting them to be “practical” and used regularly.  

ETA: Yes, I would think twice about the wedding gift I give you, or any future gift for that matter. You are basically saying “if it isn’t what I WANT and what I ASKED FOR, then I don’t want it. And if I don’t’ want it, give me the cash so I can still buy something I want with your money”. That’s offensive. Especially when people go off-grain and by something they want to give you.  I have no problem with gift receipts, I give them all the time because I don’t want someone disliking something I gave them when they could be happier with something else. But those who don’t give a gift-receipt probably don’t for a reason.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by  SoonAsYouCan.
Post # 68
Member
3723 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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clattarulo626:  I received some crappy gifts at my shower (e.g., magnetic dishwasher covers, weird candle holder picture things, etc). I couldn’t use them so I passed them on. It just is what it is. Did I wish I got something useful or something I wanted? Sure! But now I just laugh about how dumb the gifts were.

Let it flow. 

Post # 69
Member
584 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

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clattarulo626: Oh boy, you’ve elicited a bunch of responses from the pearl clutchers. In all honesty, I would take a look at who the gift is from. There are definitely people in my life that I would feel comfortable approaching and asking for the gift receipt. Personally, I would much rather someone be honest with me and ask about the possibility of returning or exchanging an item than allowing me to throw my money away. I don’t make much, and anything I spend on someone else should go to good use. 

However, if these are people that you don’t feel comfortable asking (and only you know the answer to that), I would follow 

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julies1949‘s advice. That seems to be a way to diplomatically get the correct information in order to exchange. 

Good luck!

Post # 70
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Hi hun 

 

just say thank you and put it all on eBay 🙂

Post # 71
Member
7265 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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clattarulo626:  I understand where you’re coming from, and I still think it’s a crazy question! We got many items from showers and our wedding that were not on our registry and of no use to us. We sent a nice thank you, and honestly most of the stuff went into a closet. We did a clean out not too long ago where we donated anything that we didn’t need/want.

Post # 72
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

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clattarulo626:  i feel like it’s also part of good etiquette to include gift reciepts when giving gifts, especially at showers! and it’s all part of etiquette to use the registries for things like glassware and home goods and such… that’s the entire point. Set the bride up for her life with the things she needs. the bride convieniently told you what she needs by spending the time registering… it works nicely when people remove themselves and their own ego from the equation and get what the bride asked for, not decide that thier tastes prevail or they know “better” what the bride needs. 

anyway, while i think some of your guests inadventently or intentionally showed poor ettiquette, i don’t think there is a way you could ask for a reciept without offending people. unless you maybe fibbed and said things were damaged/defective in order to get store info??

PS: when you said this site was a place for advice and such, while that’s true, i feel that this is a weird site at times….. 2 VERY similar posts can end up with completely different responses. one post will result in people sympathizing with the OP and in the other, responders will tear the OP apart… i just don’t personally get it.  

Post # 73
Member
2730 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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ashleearielle:  I agree with you. I think it’s all in how the post is worded. It’s SOOOO hard to interpret tone, intention, and motive through a few typed out words and things get misunderstood. But if OP hadn”t put in “how can I ask for a gift receipt or ask them to return the gifts and give us cash” it may have had different outcomes. If she had left it at, “I received a bunch of wonderfully intentioned gifts from my family and friends… However, I feel awful that there are some I just have no use for. I’d hate for them to go to waste. What is the best thing to do to avoid my loved ones throwing their money away?” Then she would have probably ONLY gotten responses of how to return them to the store or sell them or regift… and how awful it was that people went off the registry, etc.

I know that’s how the OP meant it and she just threw in the “can I ask for a receipt?” out of curiosity but that’s what the bee’s will latch onto (myself included, I was taken aback by that).

But I also agree with you, if there is a registry I don’t understand why people would go off of it. Heck, it’s so much easier to shop when you know exactly what they want! Some people are against registries though and think it’s poor etiquette to even put them on the invitations. I think it’s cultural and generational though. I doubt these unwarranted gifts were from her friends or her same aged cousin. My bet would be an older aunt.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by  SoonAsYouCan.
Post # 74
Member
3242 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

These topics annoy me simply because I hate the idea that I give someone something they don’t like. I will always include either a gift reciept or the offer of one! My ego is not so fragile that I need people to fake liking something. I want to give people presents they enjoy!! If that means they would rather exchange it, have at!!

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