Post # 1
We’re having a very small wedding in August, a max of 18 guests. The guest list had been pretty much finalized the beginning of the year. When my mother died in January my dad said for several weeks that he hopes the spot that would have been my mom’s would go to one of my good friends. So the list was adjusted to accomodate this.
Now we’re two-ish months out and getting ready to send invites. My dad meanwhile has met a new ‘lady friend’ (his term, not mine). I’ve never met her (not even talked on the phone to her) and feel that my dad is working up the courage to ask if she can come to the wedding. I’m happy he’s met a friend (or whatever she is or may be in the future), but every part of me screams NO! It would mean uninviting a good friend for someone I’ve never even met. I just worry that I would be being an awful bridezilla for putting my foot down and saying no, my fiance is in total agreement with me on this one.
It hasn’t come up yet, but the mere possibilty that it could later this week is just tearing me up. My fiance who is usually a face things head on type of guy is saying that I shouldn’t bring it up because that would just be opening the door to the issue. I realize this whole thing makes me sound like an childish bridezilla, but it is eating me up inside.
Post # 2
I don’t blame you. I’m sorry for your loss and can understand it would be strange to have this lady friend there with your dad. You’re within your right to say no. It’s your wedding and you need to feel comfortable. I imagine you are also still grieving. I think your dad will understand. You’re not being a bridezilla. Just relax and don’t stress over it. If it does come up just say you hope to meet her at some point but you don’t feel your wedding is the right time.
Post # 3
Normally I would say to invite your dad’s lady friend but he said to extend the spot to another friend. Given that you are having such a small wedding I think he would understand.
But another thing to think about is that whilst it will be a hard for you, it will also be a very hard day for your father. This is his daughters wedding, the one he thought he would attend with his wife. He might need the extra support of a special loved one to get through it.
I am sorry for your loss and I hope it all works out.
Post # 4
- Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand
Completely agree with PP 100%. I was in a similar position for my wedding, the only difference being my mom had passed several years before our wedding. Basically, I told my dad if I could meet her prior to the wedding, I would be okay with her coming. That being said, our wedding was 150+. If we had had an intimate wedding, I would NOT have been okay with someone who essentially means nothing to me being there. Especially because if this is just a fling or nothing serious, why would I want her in wedding photos, etc? It seems so new that how serious could they be at this point ya know?
Post # 5
He hasn’t asked yet, and may not want to bring her to the wedding, anyway. Don’t worry about this. If he asks, you can say that you already have finalized the guestlist based on what he had said previously.
Post # 6
HBanan: Hey thanks for the reply! In all the madness of the past few days I forgot to post that my dad actually brought it up. He received our invitation and I guess since he’s known me my entire life he could read my thoughts because he said that he can’t wait for the wedding and not to worry he would not dream of inviting anyone, esp. someone who isn’t family to a family occasion. So all’s well that ends well, panic over nothing (now I can panic about things I really need to panic about!)
Post # 7
renwoman: Thanks for the update & best wishes.