- 4 years ago
I know it’s been a little while over a month since I’ve posted much of anything other than comments and such, but I just wanted to talk to all of you wonderful ladies and gents about something that is near and dear to my heart.
There is an issue that has come up in my life that has caused an unbelievable amount of stress and second guessing of all of the decisions that I have made up until this point in my life, and has thrown me for a loop…
Right to the point then: When I was in the military, I was diagnosed as being sterile.
Now that I’m out of the military: I have gone to a regular doctor, who did all sorts of tests, and it turns out that the military hospital was completely wrong. I am completely healthy, and able to have kids.
That being said – this has caused a significant amount of duress for me over the past month or so. My SO and I got together under a certain set of facts: He cannot have children (a medical procedure after having his two sons), and wanted to be with someone who didn’t want any more children – I fit the bill. I couldn’t have children, and wanted to be with someone who wouldn’t pressure me into having any – and he fit the bill because he already had kids. Knowing that, when we got together we had an image of what we wanted for our lives, and we have grown comfortable in the idea that if things go well betwixt the two of us that I will be a Stepmom to his adorable sons and he will be a Stepdad to my sweet puppy.
However, when I found out that I wasn’t sterile, I went a little (SO says “more than a little”) crazy. I, honestly, felt that every decision that I had made in regards to my relationship and vision of my future had been wrong, and I started second guessing everything that I had dreamt, or said and done. Everything in my mind revolved around one thing: I can have children!! Holy crap!! I’m happy, yes, that I am healthy enough to do such things – but it was glaringly obvious that something was off: I was in a relationship that had no inkling for future children. Now, just because I found out that I could have kids didn’t mean that I wanted to rush out and start TTC – that’d just be silly, but it did bring to the forefront of the relationship that I would want children someday.
My SO and I didn’t really fight, but we did disagree on a large number of things, and I realized just how much influence the idea of a family had on what I wanted and how I viewed my future. Needless to say, we separated ourselves from one another for a few days and took ourselves out of the confrontation and issue and stress; and after crying with one another and cuddling and kissing – we reminded ourselves why we even got together in the first place: we love one another. We decided that, in the future, if it ever comes to the point where I want to have children with my wonderful SO, that he will get tested to see if he can reverse the procedure; and if not – we’ll adopt or use a donor.
In the future, if you ever find out crazy news that throws your entire life for a loop, just remember that one of the best ways to overcome any stressor or any obstacle in your life is to communicate. Communication is a healthy requirement for any relationship, and you can solve any number of problems just by letting it all out – your emotions, your fears, you dreams, and even your crazy. You’ll be surprised how supportive and steady your relationship can become, just as long as you are open and understanding to the needs and feelings of your SO.
I just hope that those of you out there who are going through rough times will take a moment to breathe, and remember that you and your SO/Fiance/DH can do anything just as long as you stick together and work through things as a team. This experience has taught me so many things, not just about myself, but about my SO and the strength of our relationship.