Post # 1
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
Hello Folks!
Last night, the Fiance and I are beginning to make a rough draft of potential guests for the main event. Fiance receives a call from one of his friends. The friend proposed to his girlfriend in ATL the same evening Fiance proposed to me. We all know each other but the guys are really close college friends. Well, FI’s friend tells him his wedding is in October 2011. Fiance asked if I was included on the invite for the wedding. The friend tells Fiance that they are tyring to watch on costs for the wedding and the invite would be just for him. In addition, he tells the Fiance, he and his lady (by next year, she will be his wife) will make sure to attend our wedding.
Is it just me or is it a tad bit rude? We are in the same situation of finding ways to cut costs for the wedding yet I would include the guets’s wife/husband/fiance. I told Fiance that we will provide the same courtesy. The friend will be invited to our wedding but not his wife. If there is any fuss, just provide the same reasoning.
Am I being too sensitive? What happened to proper etiquette?
Post # 3
Member
2312 posts
Buzzing bee
Fiances and spouses should ALWAYS be invited. That’s quite rude.
That being said, I’d invite them anyway and prove I’ve got the better manners.
Post # 4
Member
5653 posts
Bee Keeper
They are being rude. It’s either all or nothing with engaged or married couples. You can’t just invite one and not the other! I would probably skip out on their wedding for that reason.
Two wrongs do not make a right though. Do the proper thing and invite them both. 🙂
Post # 5
Member
1501 posts
Bumble bee
Bad etiquette. I’d be so mad I wouldn’t want to invite either of them!
But you should probably be the better person and invite the couple.
Post # 6
Member
3977 posts
Honey bee
Everybody has to handle their own budget as they see fit. It would be nice of them to offer him a plus one, but it’s their prerogative. If he’s a close friend of Fiance I think you have to invite him and if he’s married then you need to invite his wife. Boy/Girlfriends and fiances are a different kettle of fish. I definitely don’t think you should let her plans effect your own, especially in a negative way.
Post # 7
Member
633 posts
Busy bee
I think it’s extremely rude. I would just invite both anyway to show them that you guys aren’t cheapskates who put budget before manners. Hopefully they will feel like tightwads when they see your generosity in comparison to their snub.
Post # 8
Member
1551 posts
Bumble bee
That IS horribly rude. People amaze me sometimes.
I’d talk to your Fiance and see just how bad he wants this friend there. I’d be tempted to not invite them at all. I’d certainly not have Fiance attend their wedding. If you aren’t welcome, why would he want to go? (though I’d send a gift, just to take the high road).
If he really wants this friend at your wedding, I’d suck it up, do the right thing, and invite them both — though I agree they don’t deserve to both be invited.
Post # 9
Member
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
I think it was incredibly rude of the guy to say that AND THEN to follow up with a “oh, but we’ll be at your wedding”
I really wouldn’t worry about it until the invite actually comes addressed to just your Fiance.
When it comes to your invite list, it’s not easy but taking the high road is a much better place to be.
Post # 10
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
It totally sucks, but I’d try to be the bigger person. FI’s got a cousing getting married the weekend before us. We sent our invitations out first though (she’s had a rough year) and invited both her and her Fiance (who will be a husband at the time we get married.) The invitation to her wedding came only to Fiance. I was a little miffed, but eventually got over it. The icing for me though was when I found out that both FI’s brother and live-in girlfriend were on their invitation to the cousin’s wedding. No one likes the live in girlfriend. Okay. . .maybe I’m not over it.
I still vote for being the bigger person. If you’re like me and enjoy whinning to others, it’ll give you something totally whine worthy. 🙂
Post # 11
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
Thanks Bees! Yet, part of me is so miffed by the tacky couple that I don’t know if I really want to invite them or the husband! LOL
@PinkPinstripes: Exactly, I am little turned off by the comment “oh we will be at your wedding” as if they did not see anything wrong.
@SuperBrook: That is so rude! I would hope it was just a qucik mistake in sending out the invites. You are correct, it would be a good convo piece for the next month or so lol
Post # 12
Member
1043 posts
Bumble bee
@Radiant Bride: If they’re trying to cut costs so much, they should cut couples TOGETHER. I wouldn’t go to their wedding or invite them to mine.
Post # 13
Member
2865 posts
Sugar bee
Totally rude.
I’d invite them both to your wedding IF this guy is close to your husband BUT decline their invitation. I’d even have your fiance write on the response card that he’d like to come but won’t attend without his future wife.
Spouses/Fiances ALWAYS should be invited – it’s the one time it’s okay to ask/assume your SO is invited. 9/10 times it’s rude to ask for an invitation but if it’s a spouse/future spouse it’s poor etiquette on their part to disclude you. If they want to cut costs then they just shouldn’t invite either of you.
Post # 14
Member
6994 posts
Busy Beekeeper
i think that is horribly rude and i would be a bit put off by it honestly. but be the bigger person and invite them, though i would have Fiance send a gift and politley decline the inviation if i wasnt invited, especially since you are engaged – not just dating.
Post # 15
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
Yes that is thoughtless, I can see why you are upset, I would be too! I would do the correct thing even though they haven’t – so invite them both. I agree with other posters that your Fiance should consider politely declining the invitation to go without you.
Post # 16
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
Wow, that’s totally unacceptable. I understand not inviting +1’s to save space, but live-in spouses, fiance’s, and husbands/wives should always be invited. In My Humble Opinion, if you cannot afford to invite a friend’s fiancee, you need to readjust your wedding priorities.