(Closed) Just like a pair of shoes, you can not split a invite for a wedding!!

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should I provide a invite to a couple to our wedding when I am not invited but FI is?
    Just invite the husband only. Just like buying shoes, you can not split up a pair! : (26 votes)
    24 %
    Invite them anyway. Have them share in your special day. : (53 votes)
    50 %
    Do not invite them at all. They are tacky and rude! : (28 votes)
    26 %
  • Post # 17
    Member
    1351 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    @Merry02:Couldn’t agree more! I am a live-in fiance and was not invited to my FI’s good friend’s wedding. And I KNEW both parties (through him, but still I saw them often). They said it was to save costs, which is fine. But, we are engaged, and live together. I’m “taking the high road” and inviting both of them…just to stick it to them that we can throw a nice shindig and invite engaged & married whole couples Cool

    Post # 18
    Member
    920 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    nrmally id say if you cant invite both dont just invite one but if they are doing it to you just tell them you have to cut costs and made your guest list before they were married

    Post # 19
    Member
    2319 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    How very insulting of them towards you. I think Fiance should have said something in terms of ‘etiquette’ right then and there. Or simply refused the invite to him as well saying that he “much rather not come without you. You are his Fiance and he would not feel comfortable attending THEIR wedding without his lady love.”

    Actually he can still say it. When they send the invite, maybe they will have changed their mind on their own, if not, then Fiance can use the statement above.

    Post # 20
    Member
    2116 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Thats incredibly rude. There is a difference between not inviting your 18 year old cousins girlfriend or your friend’s 2 week fling and not inviting somebody’s FIANCEE. Its totally different and incredibly rude. I I have no idea what I’d do in your situation though.

    Post # 21
    Member
    106 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I’d call them out on it! They may just not be thinking straight, and I’m sure that if your Fiance called up his friend and said ‘hey, we realize that you’re cutting costs, but I’m sure you actually meant to invite my fiancee as I really couldn’t come to your wedding unless she was invited – I’m sure you understand and would expect the same in the opposite situation’. They’d realize they were being rude, and would invite youboth. If not, then I don’t think your Fiance should go to their wedding!

    Post # 22
    Member
    67 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @Sasha2011: AGREED

    Post # 23
    Member
    132 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    A little bit controversial but I don’t agree that you should always invite partners. Its up to you who you want there on your day and no one else.

    Saying that, not inviting you and then assuming you will invite them is RUDE!

    Post # 24
    Member
    2286 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    Like someone said above, don’t worry about it until the invite comes. He’s a guy, and sometimes guys don’t know about these kinds of things and how they come across. It could be that once his fiancee finds out, she’ll be mortified.

    Post # 25
    Member
    6891 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    What does your Fiance think? It is his friend, but you are his future wife and fiancee. My Fiance would be so pissed on my behalf and wouldn’t have accepted that “logic” when really, all they did was “beat” you two to being called husband/wife instead of fiance(e). I think it’s totally rude. I asked Fiance – he said he would probably decline and then invite the guy only to your own wedding to see how HE would handle it. Rude much? JEEZ.

    Post # 26
    Member
    620 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I wouldn’t invite them at all.  It’s so rude to split up a couple and even more rude to then demand that your wife be invited to their wedding. 

    Post # 27
    Member
    135 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    It’s really rude I would just not invite them at all.

    Post # 28
    Member
    104 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I secon @MissHelen and other above. It’s horribly rude of them, but maybe it was just the dummy guy’s first thought? I would take the high road if you want them there and invite them…but if you think it would ruin your night to see them there, then don’t. But if you don’t invite, your finace should definitely decline their invite. (He should probably decline their invite anyway, it’s so weird and tacky!) 

    Post # 29
    Member
    297 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    This is tacky! I would invite them both to make a point.

    It is unfair that you have to be married to be considered a real couple… it sounds like if your wedding was a year earlier they likely wouldn’t be inviting one and not the other. I don’t get this justification from people. 

    Post # 30
    Member
    1701 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Ladies–did the bride say she wasn’t inviting the poster?  No, it was the groom.  I know Darling Husband said/did some “unapproved” things that I had to correct.  ’cause he’s a guy.  Somewhere on this site is a huge post on all the stupid things FI’s say about weddings.  Let’s wait until the invitation comes…

    Post # 31
    Member
    2 posts
    Wannabee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    A very similar thing has happened to me!  Our guest list is supposed to be small (started out at 20 people, now it could reach over 30).  On our invite list there is a recently married couple who did not invite partners or fiances to their wedding, only spouses.  I thought that was so wrong!  Now both of them are going to be at our wedding, and I feel annoyed/awkward they will be attending our intimate wedding. 

    (Let me pont out at the wedding reception, a couple will be married for two hours.  That’s not a terribly long time to become so sanctimonious about the institution of marriage!!!)

    If you think it would bother you as much as it bothers me, I would say don’t invite them, or (more simply) your fiance should not go to their wedding in a sign of solidarity.  Your point would be made, and then you’re free to invite them to your wedding since you didn’t have to directly confront their breech of etiquette.  Plus, it’s too expensive for him to go on his own without turning it into a holiday for the both of you. 

    The topic ‘Just like a pair of shoes, you can not split a invite for a wedding!!’ is closed to new replies.

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