Post # 1
So tonight I have went through a box of tissues. First, last week my matron of honor and cousin called to tell me that she’s pregnant and is due 2 days after my wedding so she cannot be a part of it. On the one hand, I should be happy that a new life is being brought into the world. But in reality, I’m really upset, because she committed to me 6 months ago, and she and her husband started trying for their second child 3 months ago. She told me when they started trying (their second child) and I asked her if it would interfere and she just waved her hand and said nah. So I’m upset because since they were trying, couldn’t they have waited like 3 more months? Or shouldn’t she have not promised to be my matron of honor? (I of course was a bridesmaid in her wedding and did everything she asked.) Now on top of that, my aunt and uncle won’t be at my wedding because they already plan to be with her. So I feel like a big portion of my family bailed on me.
So tonight I take out my friend to ask her to be my bridesmaid, and I was upfront with her about the whole thing, and she was like, oh I was actually coming to dinner tonight to tell you I can’t come to your wedding at all because she has to attend another wedding. This friend’s husband is one of the groomsmen, so now they are going to split.
I know I am probably being selfish, but I am just crying and feeling very small right now because it seems like no one wants to be there. And I was there for both of these girls on their big day, but now it”s my turn and they just wave their hand at me. I just needed to vent but I am so sad….
Post # 3
I am sorry. 🙁 I’m sure it is not because they don’t care. Life happens
Post # 4
I agree with @[email protected]: at least you know now rather than 2 weeks before the wedding that there bailing. Its a sucky situation but i totally agree that life happens. Its just a small hurdle. Its not like that they dont care… just sometimes life throws you curveballs. You can sit and mope on it which sometimes is good for a time but onwards and upwards girl!!!! onwards and upwards. Im sure your wedding will still be absolutely fabulous regardless 🙂
Post # 5
I totally understand what you’re going through. My matron of honor is also not attending my wedding (this Saturday) due to the proximity of her baby’s due date. I cried and fussed about the whole thing for quite a while. It makes me really sad that my best friend in the world will not be with me (I was her maid of honor) on my wedding day but I finally learned to accept it. I know it’s hard to look past it right now but you will move on and it will be fine. Your wedding day is going to be amazing anyway
Post # 6
I JUST came from a friends house who is pregnant. She told me a story that something similar happened that her really good friend, whom was her bridesmaid is now getting married, but her due date is 2 weeks before the wedding. As it’s an 10 hour drive, they likley aren’t going to go. She said that when she was getting married, if one of her friends did it to her, she wouldn’t have understood, but now that she’s pregnant she totally gets it! *hugs*
Post # 7
That sucks, but unfortunately it’s difficult to ask people to put their lives on hold for your wedding. Especially when it comes to family planning, I think people sometimes definitely have a longstanding idea of how much age difference they want between children, or are nervous that it might be now or never. I get that it’s still upsetting to hear that someone can’t come through for you.
Post # 8
I am sorry this is happening. I can’t say that I am in the same boat, but My Matron of Honor is due the day after my wedding and her husband is our officiant. They both have agreed to “see what happens”. I am so very lucky that they would be a part of my special day and even if they are not able to make it, it is the thought that they would stand by me. We have a back up officiant, but had my Maid/Matron of Honor record her speech just incase she can’t be there.
I hope in the end you will be able to enjoy your day.
Post # 9
I was in a similar situation, with one of my ‘friends’ having a baby about 4 months before the wedding. I guilted her into coming and now wish I hadn’t, as it was just a little awkward to have her there. Also, my Maid/Matron of Honor missed her plane on the morning of the wedding, so wasn’t there at all until much later (including her daughter who was meant to be my flower girl). I was gutted, but just blocked out the anger, as I had to think of my special day and making it amazing. I am still angry with her though. I think once some girls get married, they just stop caring about their other friends weddings which is so selfish. Bottom line is though, I had an amazing day, and all those stresses melt away when you sail down the aisle towards your amazing husband to be.
Post # 10
I am curious how she committed to you 6 months ago when according to your profile, you have only been engaged since May? Perhaps she should have pulled out, but it seems like she gave you almost a year’s notice that she might be unable to participate. It’s disappointing, I know, but people have no way of knowing how long it will take to get pregnant, and it’s entirely possible that she didn’t think she’d be able to conceive right away…even only being 4-5 months pregnant at your wedding would not preclude her from participating.
And in your second friend’s defense, you didn’t ask her to be in your wedding until her husband had already committed to being in someone else’s. The fact that you asked your Maid/Matron of Honor to be in your wedding 6 months ago but are only asking your other friend now probably leads her to believe she was a B-choice, which it kind of sounds like she was. If it was really so important to you that she be there, why did you not ask her when you asked the other girls? I am not trying to be hard on you, I am just hoping you consider the sides of the other girls.
Post # 11
do you honestly expect your matron of honor to put her life on hold just for your wedding– which is just one day.
Post # 12
while i understand being disappointed in your good friend not being able to participate in your wedding party, i don’t think it is fair to expect her to put her baby making plans on hold for your wedding. chin up, i’m sure it will work out!
Post # 13
I’m sure neither friend is doing this because they don’t want to be with you.
As for the Maid/Matron of Honor, you can’t blame her for trying to get pregnant. The chances of her baby’s being due on your wedding weekend were so slim–it’s just a fluke. I’m sure she’s unhappy about the timing, too–while still being thrilled about the baby.
And the other friend, if her husband was asked to be a Groomsmen in another wedding, then I can understand why she has to go to that wedding instead of yours. Again, I’m sure she’s as bummed about it as you, and that if she could have it her way, she’d just go to your wedding.
Post # 14
I know that this is extremely disappointing and I sympathize.
But you should at least understand that this isn’t as personal as you are taking it. A lot of couples start trying way earlier than they want to conceive because it can take that long. I wouldn’t be too upset that she didn’t take your wedding into consideration with her reproductive process. And I think that your aunt and uncle probably want to come to the wedding, but probably didn’t want to put you in a position of saying they were going to go and then possibly not being there, leaving you with two empty places.
Don’t worry–there are plenty of people who love you and you’ll have a great wedding and possibly a 2nd cousin to boot!
Post # 15
Why are people so selfish and hurtful , especially when it comes to your wedding day?! It seems to be pretty common and im so annoyed by people like this! im dealing with similar issues and it just hurts. Just make sure you focus on whats important: its your WEDDING and it will be amazing with or without these people!
Post # 16
That’s got to suck. I’m with the other Bees though in telling you it’s really not fair to ask someone to schedule their baby making plans around you. This is the most important day of your life, not anyone elses.
Brush it off, pick another Bridesmaid or Best Man and keep on planning your dream day.