(Closed) Just lost 2, well 1.5 bridesmaids…..crying and sad…..

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I agree with most of the other posters.  Of course we all want our bridesmaids to put their life on hold and have our wedding consume as much of their lives as it does ours…but this isn’t realistic or fair.  I’m sure your Maid/Matron of Honor is just as heartbroken to be missing your day, but life happens, and things get in the way.  Think of how much more celebrating you’ll be able to do though!  Wedding, then a new baby!  It’s so exciting!

I know how sometimes life messes up our plans…TRUST me, I’ve been going through a lot of that right now too, I just haven’t been fully open about sharing it since I realized too late my name and my picture don’t lead to too much privacy, but it was heartbreaking…and then I got over it.  As they say – life is what happens when we’re busy making other plans.  We can plan all we want for our big days…but life is still going on all around us 🙂

 

Hope you feel better!  You have every right to be sad for awhile.  But then try and focus on the happy!

Post # 18
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

View original reply
@birdcastro:

Why are people so selfish and hurtful , especially when it comes to your wedding day?! It seems to be pretty common and im so annoyed by people like this! im dealing with similar issues and it just hurts. Just make sure you focus on whats important: its your WEDDING and it will be amazing with or without these people!

Was this sarcasm? I kind of hope so.  Conceiving a child in these circumstances is hardly a selfish act, as well as honoring a previous commitment to be a part of someone else’s wedding.  There’s definitely some selfishness going on, but not on the Maid/Matron of Honor and BM’s parts.

Post # 19
Member
326 posts
Helper bee

On the bright side if she does go into labour when she’s due she might have her baby on your wedding day!  knowing a child that was born on your wedding day is pretty neat and watching the child grow will be amazing knowing that the babys life started the same day your new life did

Post # 20
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

I don’t understand how you lost 1.5 bridesmaids.  Who is half a person?

Post # 21
Member
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

the unborn child!!

Post # 22
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Perhaps this is a fun chance to invite someone else to be part of the wedding since you have so much time ahead of you. 

Post # 23
Member
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I don’t know…I agree that you shouldn’t expect people to put their lives on hold for your wedding, but if I were in someone’s wedding, esp a Maid/Matron of Honor of someone I was close with, then yea I’d take baby timings into consideration.

Sorry you were put in this situation, but at least know now that later as what the other bees said…

Post # 24
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@ ATP2011-

I think the .5 of a person refers to the fact the BM#2 never accepted the role…when the Original Poster asked her, she had to decline, and further explain that she would not be able to attend the wedding, even as a guest.

Post # 25
Member
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

i don’t think you really lost “.5” bridesmaid for a girl who was a back-up bridesmaid.  personally, i’d be a bit offended to be someone’s second choice.

Post # 26
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

View original reply
@Tatum: I get it now, I think.  Thanks!

Post # 27
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I am so sorry date twin! I totally sympathize with what you are going through and think that it is totally okay and natural to be a little upset. To be honest, I would be upset too. However, unlike some of the previous posters, I recognize that your post was just to vent. I am pretty sure that you don’t actually expect that your Maid/Matron of Honor will put off trying to have another baby because of your wedding. My SIL got married last August and was talking about TTC a few months ago. The same things that you have mentioned ran through my head. I am sure that you are elated for your cousin and have been totally supportive.

In regards to the other Bridesmaid or Best Man, I am sure that you were super excited to have the opportunity to include her in the wedding and you expected her to be able to attend since her husband is a part of the wedding party. So being side swiped by this news is totally understandable. I get where all of this would be upsetting. I do, however, think that your thinking has become a bit irrational… but hey, don’t we all get a bit irrational when we are upset… and stressed? I know I do! Don’t get trapped in that cycle. I am sure it breaks these girls hearts that they are going to miss your big day. Just try and a take a deep breath because all of this will get worked out and your wedding day will be beautiful!

Post # 28
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I am comforted hearing that so many others have been in this situation. My fiance and I are having a very small destination wedding–parents and siblings only. Originally we were each going to have a “best person” and their respective spouse and child(ren) along. Then my sweet, loyal best friend and Maid/Matron of Honor tells me last month (the day she hit the second trimester) that she was so, so sorry she wasn’t going to be able to come. Her baby is due a week before the wedding, and she also has a toddler at home. The poor girl was almost in tears and apologized (!!) for the bad timing. What could I say? I still love her and want what’s best for her and her family.

Am I sad? Absolutely. It’s an unfortunate truth when you are getting married later than your friends and relatives of the same generation (I am 32 and a first-time bride). I attended so many weddings in the last ten years, was a bridesmaid three times, and loved being there on the couples’ big day. For my wedding, so many people have small kids or own their own business, or are struggling financially, that their participation just isn’t possible at the same level. You have to let it go and not keep score on who did what for whose wedding 5 years ago.  

So wish your MOH well, and move on. I will be so happy when my friend has her second child. I’m thinking of having the photographer take a photo of my fiance and I holding some kind of personalized sign like “Congratulations on Baby X” or “Wishing you and Baby X the best from Bermuda” or something like that, so she has a memento from a day she really wanted to share with me, but physically couldn’t.

Do you have the right to be privately disappointed and sad? You sure do. But you have to stop the “my Maid/Matron of Honor is selfish” tactic because it comes off as immature.

Post # 29
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@mrs meowerson:

I agree completely. Hey B-list friend! You may be my filler, but I better be your priority!

@ miss beach:

I think you read the original post wrong. The second (potential) bridesmaid’s husband is in a different wedding that same day. Sounds like the potential bridesmaid was originally invited as a guest, while her husband was invited to be in a different wedding that same day. Since she was a guest and he was a groomsman, his wedding invitation took priority.

 

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