Post # 1
Member
2153 posts
Buzzing bee
I’d been hoping it wouldn’t come down to this. But Ive reached a point where I can’t pretend everything is okay anymore. I love my life, I’m happy in my life…I’m so grateful for my fiance’ for every blessing I have and I can’t wait to marry him in July, but there are problems plaguing my family that are snowballing, and getting out of control.
My mother has serious anxiety, anger, and depression problems, and It’s starting to effect everyone and everything. Last night I had both my younger brother and sister calling me at 3am because she was in the middle of a full-on melt-down and begging me for help. Begging me to find a way to get her help. I don’t know what to do, I dont’ have the answers. I feel so helpless and lost. And yes, part of me (the small selfish part) is so angry that she’s decided to have a nervous breakdown while this is supposed to be a happy time for our family.
I do feel like my mother has lost her ability to function, period. I’m crying right now because I do feel very hopeless that it will get better. It’s not something new, this has been happening for years and is the reason I had to move away as soon as I was legal. I feel bad for my sibiltings who still have to endure it, and now it’s much worse now than what I had to deal with when I lived at home. What’s worse is that my step-father has completley shut down on the family and on my mom. He says he doesn’t care, he doesn’t want to get help, that he jsut wants to move out. He’s given up on her.
I have tried countless times to get her help, but she never follows through. She will have several horrible days and then she will agree to go see someone, and then she will have a good day and it’s forgotten. I’ve given her multiple resources and even offered to go with her. It’s one excuse after another as to why she can’t do it. She also wont’ take medication either.
It’s like banging my head against a wall trying to help this woman. She dumps her problems on me on a daily basis and I jsut can’t handle it anymore. I”m starting to lose it myself. I can’t even tell my fiance’ whats happening because he doesn’t understand, he doesn’t know what to say when I tell him I’m so lost.
I’m hoping counseling for myself might help me cope, but I don’t know. I already feel like my wedding is ruined….and I don’t want the wedding anymore. I wish we had just eloped, and now it’s too late.
Post # 3
Member
9940 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
((HUGS)) She’s on a downward spiral right now but don’t let her drag you along with her. I am so glad to hear you’re getting help for yourself by getting counseling. That was a smart move. I wish you all the best. Being that she is your mother has got to make this entire situation hurt like hell – so sorry.
Post # 4
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
I think you are doing something really good here. You are taking care of yourself. It’s easy to get lost in family problems, particularly when it’s your mom (or a person that raised you). You tend to feel obligated to help them or fix them, but sometimes you just can’t, especially if they are not willing to help themselves.
No real advice to give but I just wanted you to know that I empathize with you. This should be a happy time in your life and maybe with the counseling you can still salvage these last couple of months before your wedding.
PM me if you want to talk. 🙂
Post # 5
Member
456 posts
Helper bee
Looking for the right words to help you…
Are you religious at all? Sometimes the last place to fall is on your knees in prayer. I love the book of psalms if you like reading the bible. And if your not too into the bible, it doesn’t hurt to just talk to God like a friend. Tell Him all of your struggles and hurt. Ask for guidance and support. I always feel like I can accomplish anything with the Lord by my side. And He has helped me through some of the hardest times. I know that He will help you too if you allow Him to. Give in to him and put your problems and worries in His hands. He will help you through it.
Here is some of what I went through with my family. I feel like I have felt what you are feeling right now. I hope this helps you.
I have always been the person to try to solve my families problems. I kept their problems with me at all times and it stressed me incredibly. He noticed this about me one day and we talked about it. He helped me to let go of their problems and it lifted weight off my shoulders. I wanted so bad to fix all of their problems but I soon realized that I couldn’t and I was only stressing myself and them. I took a step back from it and allowed them to deal with their problems on their own. For a while, I really felt selfish but soon I felt realieved as my younger siblings learned to handle their problems without me. I never let them down, I always told them I was there for them if they needed me. But I quit initiating most of the calls and allowed them to deal with it for a while on their own. I had to quit internalizing their problems. And, with counseling, maybe you will be able to not hold their problems on your own heart. I know that you love your family and want whats best for them. It shows. And believe me, I am sure they know that too. But they need you to be strong and show them what happiness is. Be the leader for them, lead them with good example. Keep showing them positive spirit and encourage them with positive thoughts and actions. This is an incredible time in your life and I hope that one day soon, they will see this and enjoy it with you. Hang in there and God bless 🙂
Post # 6
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
@fresitachulita: I’m sorry you’re having such problems with your mom 🙁 my mom suffers from depression and refuses to get help, so I have some idea of where you’re coming from. It sucks and I feel for you.
I had my first therapy session last week. I went because I have my own issues to deal with, but we did discuss my mom a bit. It made me feel better. Therapy is a wonderful thing to do for yourself. I’m already looking forward to my next appointment. I hope your therapist helps you get a handle on this stressful situation. Good luck 🙂
Post # 7
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
@fresitachulita: Dealing with emotional problems in the family is never easy. Whether it is depression, anxiety, addiction it takes a toll in the whole family and that is why therapy is proposed to families and relatives in order to cope with this situation.
I am glad you a seeking help. It is a heavy load and you should not have to deal with it by yourself. Some people drawn with the sick person, some detach themselves (like your stepfather), so it is important to have professional help.
It will get better for you. For your Mom, until she decides that she needs help things will stay the same, get better some times and worse some other times. As I say: you can’t get in someone’s house and rearrange the furniture if you are not invited in.
Post # 8
Member
2153 posts
Buzzing bee
@RoyalPurpleBride: Yes, I am religious, I actually feel asleep praying real hard last night, sometimes it’s the only way I can get peace. I think my mother has forgotten to look to God in her own life.
If it weren’t for the wedding and for my poor siblings, I’d probably have an easier time distancing myself from it all, but it’s hard. My mom has built up this facade of happily married life, so she can’t turn to anyone else, none of her friends or family, just us kids. Everything is really F’d up right now.