Just married and he doesn’t seem sexily interested

posted 2 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 2
Member
55 posts
Worker bee

If you got married 3 days ago and you’ve had sex 3 times, that averages out to once a day which is pretty “normal”. But there’s really no such thing as “normal”, especially when it comes to intimacy between partners because everyone is different. With your husband making a semi-joke about you in lingerie affects your self-esteem that much, I think that would be the major problem. 

Post # 3
Member
954 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

I agree with PP, there isn’t such a thing as ‘normal.’ I have a really low sex drive, so Fiance and I usually have sex once a week, if that. It works for both of us though, so that’s our normal. I wouldn’t be concerned about the specific number of times, but moreso it doesn’t seem like you’re satisfied. I’d definitely bring it up to your husband and 1. mention his comments about the lingerie hurt your feelings and 2. you’d like to have sex more often. Communication is key!

Post # 4
Member
2632 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

View original reply
newbridekk :  Three times in three days is plenty, in my opinion. If he made you feel badly when you came out in lingerie, I would talk to him about it and let him know that his “joke” hurt your feelings. You just need to communicate with him.

Post # 5
Member
4018 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Theres no such thing as a normal sex life that is one size fits all. How frequently were you having sex before you got married? I would definitely be taken aback by his comments regarding your lingerie though, so i would talk to him about that. I have heard of guys not wanting to have sex with their pregnant significant others though for fear of “hurting the baby”. There just seem to be some major communication issues here. Talk to him!

Post # 6
Member
1520 posts
Bumble bee

Even without statistics I’m him a claim that sex 3 times is three says would be a lot. Anyway, there is no such thing as normal and people go through phases where there is more sex and sometimes less. How often did you do it before marriage?

The lingerie thing and his response and your low self esteem due to it is an other issue. Talk to him about how it made you feel. Discuss is through and try to understand each other.

Post # 7
Member
311 posts
Helper bee

‘Normal’ is diifferent for every couple. How do you not know what is normal for you and your husband? We cant tell you that!

 

How many times a day would you like to be having sex? How often were you having sex before you got married? Were you really expecting marriage to magically change that. Complaining after 3 days seems very premature.

Post # 8
Member
10641 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

A lot of dudes are weird about pregnancy sex. I say this as a 9 month pregnant woman myself so I totally get how you feel. If it’s the pregnancy weirding him out you need to have a talk and try to understand how he feels. The last thing you wouldwant is to force him to do something that makes him uncomfortable just to make yourself feel better. 

As for the lingerie thing, that is worth a sit down about. 

Post # 9
Member
1091 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

Wow, really horrible how he responded to you in lingerie, I would never want to wear it again after that! Have you worn lingerie before and gotten a different response? 

And unless your sextivities are normally greater than the recent 3 times in the last 3 days, then that’s when you can say it’s “normal” or not.

Post # 10
Member
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

How long have you been together?

Post # 11
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

Yes me and my dh just had 2 babies back to back and yesterday was the first time we had good!!! Sex.

 

He told me he was freaked out about the whole baby thing and I had put on weight to.

 

If ur about to have a baby and ur going to get bigger talk with him about it. In a while like maybe a year things will FX get better

Post # 12
Member
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
newbridekk :  you’ve been married three days, had sex three times, and you think he’s not interested?

He sounds very interested and you have nothing to worry about.

IMO your husband should love you no matter how much weight you put on, especially if your pregnant.

 

Post # 13
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee

It sounds to me like this is a case of needing to adjust your expectations. You’re newlyweds so you thought it would suddenly be super sexy and romantic all the time with fancy new lingerie and marathon lovemkaing sessions, and it sounds like he’s not on the same page.

Is he normally a super romantic guy? Does he normally initiate sex frequently? Do you normally wear lingerie and is he normally into it? If not, I think you’re amping this up because there’s a societal expectation of what honeymooners are supposed to be like, and that may not actually be true to your personalities. I wonder if he made the (admittedly thoughtless) comment about the lingerie because he was taken aback by it, or thought it seemed out of character for you and wasn’t sure how to react. All this to say, you shouldn’t expect him or your relationship to change just because you’re married now.  

Nothing here indicates that he’s not interested in you or doesn’t find you attractive. 3 times in 3 days is nothing to sneeze at — but the number of times matters little, what’s important is that you both feel satisfied and are enjoying your sex life together. If you need him to initiate more to feel desired, that’s something you should absolutley express to him – in a calm conversation out of the bedroom. 

Post # 14
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I totally sympathize about the lingerie thing!  My husband either seems like he doesn’t care that much about lingerie or doesn’t notice.  Maybe point it out and ask — like, do I look sexy in this?  Then he would have to agree!

Post # 15
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2019

I can see how his reaction to lingerie is hurtful. Definintely discuss how that made you feel. How do you dress normally? Do you have a conservative style. If so, something as sensual as lingerie might have been a shock to him, as a more conservative look is what gets his engine running. lol 

I don’t think he’s unattracted to you though. My fiancé doesn’t like lingerie either. He thinks its a stupid waste of money. The piece I have I’ve worn once because he makes fun of it. At least I don’t have to blow money at Victoria’s Secret. lol 

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