Just Married and I need opinions on changing my name…

posted 5 years ago in Names
Post # 16
Member
2114 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I am going the two middle name route by adding my maiden name as a 2nd middle name. 

First Middle Maiden NewLast

It seems lengthy, but it’s what makes me happiest. I will write out First Maiden NewLast, but will go by First NewLast socially. 

Post # 17
Member
2350 posts
Buzzing bee

anhelms:  Just my two cents- what’s the point of this? I feel like even if you do legally include your maiden name in your full name, but then end with your husband’s last name, everyone is just going to use his last name when referring to you anyway. It’s not like anyone will even know that it’s still part of your name. I feel like it’s kind of trying to do it both ways, but in practice I feel like it doesn’t really work. I think if you want his last name, go ahead and change it- but if you want to keep your maiden name, then don’t change it at all just keep it. Kind of like hyphenating, it’s a weird workaround that won’t work for very long (because at some point last names will get absurdly long). I think it’s best to just choose, your name or his. 

Post # 18
Member
2350 posts
Buzzing bee

MissMarple:  I think hyphenating is kind of silly because it’s potentially unsustainable. Let’s say Mrs. Smith marries Mr. Patel. Now she is Mrs. Smith-Patel. They have a kid named David Smith-Patel. He marries a girl named Megan Willis-Duncan. Now what? Will she be Megan Willis-Duncan-Smith-Patel? It just get’s crazy. 

ETA: I’m all for women changing their last names to match their husbands (if that’s what they want) OR keeping their original names and not changing them (if that’s what they want). I just think these trying to have it both ways things are silly. 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by  swonderful.
Post # 19
Member
2215 posts
Buzzing bee

swonderful:  If a woman hyphenates her name, that does not mean her children will necessarily get the hyphenated name. I only have my father’s last name and so do all the other individuals I know whose mothers have hyphenated names.

The exceptions I know of are people who are from a culture in which last names are traditionally hyphenated. In those cases, there seem to be rules that you or I, as outsiders, are not aware of, such as the one gleam elucidated on the previous page.

I feel like people who are not part of these cultures giving kids a hypnenated name is something that used to be fringe, but has become a bit less unconventional with younger couples who may both take on a hyphenated name. I don’t see adding infinite hyphens as realistic–it’s one of those worst case scenarios that doesn’t make a strong point because I’m sure individuals with hyphenated names realize it’s not realistic and will decide what they want to do before it gets to be a problem.

Post # 20
Member
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Add your maiden name as a second middle name.

My second middle name is my mum’s maiden name (filipino tradition I think). It actually sounds more like a middle name than a surname. Hopefully your maiden name also suits middle-name status.

Post # 21
Member
2837 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

anhelms:  You could just have two middle names.  Don’t hyphenate.  My son has a hyphenated last name.  I never imagined it would be so annoying LOL

 

Post # 22
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I was in the same boat.  I ended up keeping my middle name and hypenating my last name so it read MAIDEN-MARRIED.  However, I only use my maiden professional, and my married socially.  The only time I use the entire name is legally (and there are really very few times- buying a house, taking out a loan, taxes- and I can handle writing a really long name once or twice a year).  People complain about computer systems that don’t accept a hypenated name (like for airplane tickets).  That is true, but the correct way to deal with it is to combine into one word.  Once you know that it really isn’t an issue.  I travel a lot and have no issues with my name at all.  Love that it includes everything.   

The other great thing about it- is because I’m not getting rid of any part of my name, changing names on everything isn’t super important that it happens really fast.  I changed my SS card, my driver’s license, my health insurance card, and my passport.  My bank and credit cards still read my old name, and I have no problems with it.  I actually opened up a new credit card, and it only lists one of my last names, because my full name doesn’t fit and they said it really don’t matter as it clearly is the same person.  It definitely makes the name changing process MUCH easier.   

They other thing to consider is a adding a second middle name or a double barren last name (two last names separated by a space)- both options would read exactly the same.  Some states won’t let you do this without going to court.  Also- there really isn’t a way to tell if the third name is a middle or last name, so that can cause confusion.  I ended up with the hyphen because I wanted to keep my maiden as a last name for publishing reasons, and I like that it is clear.  You can clearly see that my middle name is my middle and what my maiden is and who I married.  I also like the line that connects our two names together- it is kind of symbolic of marriage.  

Post # 23
Member
5968 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

anhelms:  FWIW you don’t have to go in to the SS office. You can mail it in and save yourself the hassle. I’m in a big city, though, and I know I’d have to wait forever to see someone.

Post # 24
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I don’t really see the point of keeping so many names.. I’m just going to keep my husband’s name (first – last). It’s still me.. it doesn’t really matter which name I have and I’d rather just have the same last name as mu future kids and keep life easy 🙂

Post # 25
Member
241 posts
Helper bee

MissMarple:  My mom is hyphenated too. The only real issue I’ve seen is other people/places don’t use it consistently. So she’s always having to remember if she’s listed as hyphenated last name or just under the last one. She went to the hospital recently and they kept having issues finding her records because one person would file under the hyphenated and another would under just one of them. (I don’t know why they would do that, you would think they would know how to handle these things). In the end, I had to spend time in the records office getting things merged.

But generally, it’s not a huge issue. Just a two second thing, “oh you don’t have last name listed, try looking under hyphenated name.”

Post # 26
Member
2215 posts
Buzzing bee

SeaRhapsody:  Thanks for letting me know! I don’t think my mom has come across that, but like mgbser: suggested, she just combines it to one word if they don’t let her use a hypen, so Smith-Jones would become SmithJones. I think that makes it much easier to be consistent and not have to try and remember which name was used where. Maybe we’re just lucky that her full name seems to fit on everything, but her combined last name is pretty long, as is her first name.

I agree with mgbser that the options of having a second middle name or a double-barreled last name without the hypen seem like they could be more confusing.

Post # 27
Member
2350 posts
Buzzing bee

MissMarple:  I didn’t know that. So, in that case, if the kids still get the man’s last name…isn’t it kind of the same thing as not hyphenating at all? 

Post # 28
Member
2215 posts
Buzzing bee

swonderful:  I wouldn’t say that because the woman still gets to keep her maiden name and take on the married name. For example, this is how I have generally seen it done: Jen Jones-Johnson is married to Jim Johnson and has two children, Joe Johnson and Joy Johnson.

I believe the hyphen evolved as an in-between for women who had already begun establishing careers to have their previous work more easily recognized after marriage. I never really asked my mom why she hyphenated her name, but I think she thinks of it as being able to have the best of both worlds.

Post # 29
Member
677 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - SPRING VALLEY COUNTRY CLUB

I was born with a hypen. I recently got married and was totally geeked about giving it up. The hypen was cumbersome. I love my new name. Short and sweet.

Post # 30
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I did FIRST MIDDLE MAIDEN(2nd middle) HISLAST. Loved it. I was so worried about the name change, but I actually found I adapted to it pretty quickly. I rarely use my maiden but I like knowing it’s there 🙂

Good luck and Congrats 🙂

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