Just Married & Have Doubts

posted 5 months ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
4007 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

This relationship sounds like a nightmare. The only positive attributes you mentioned are supportive  (not seeing that, but ok), sociable, kind hearted, and loves animals. You know what else would fit that description? A puppy.

You said several times that you feel grateful he “puts up” with you. I hope this is a topic you discuss with your therapist because you deserve so much more. I personally wouldn’t want to salvage this relarionship. This isn’t something as simple as managing communication issues. You are wanting him to change who he is and always has been. It won’t happen. I would cut your losses and know that someone is out there who will do more than put up with you.

Post # 3
Member
748 posts
Busy bee

He is a man child. Kick his butt to the curb!

Post # 4
Member
2283 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

Why did you marry this loser? You deserve so much better. You’re young and have so much life ahead of you. Pack up the pups and go.

Post # 5
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2020 - Colorado

His good qualities do not outweigh the bad ones. Get out ASAP. You deserve better. 

Post # 6
Member
7820 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

The man you married is the same man you were dating and the same man you were engaged to–this is who he is. It’s not okay. Do you really believe he’s the only person you’ll ever meet who will want to be with you? I’d rather be happy on my own than miserable with someone else. Good luck Bee. 

Post # 7
Member
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - City, State

Why did you marry this guy?  Did you expect him to become a different person all of a sudden?  This relationship sounds like it is and always was a dumpster fire.  And brushing his teeth 3-4 times per MONTH and showering only once week?  So disgusting.  I don’t know how you can live with such a slob.

Post # 8
Member
1643 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Bee I think you married a child.

You’re young. If he won’t change or even come to the table to listen to you (valid) concerns, then it’s time to go.

You deserve better. Your doggos deserve better.

Post # 9
Member
5349 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
@doggal:  I know you mentioned a lot. However, I just cannot stop thinking about the once a week showers and brushing his teeth 3-4 times per month. How the heck are you kissing and cuddling with him?!?

Post # 10
Member
5148 posts
Bee Keeper

Where did you find this guy? Under a rock? 

Post # 11
Member
7705 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

As a PP said, none of this was a surprise; you knew exactly what you were in for, and you still signed on for a lifetime of this? 

Possible fixes might be suggested for the chores, but the hygiene issues would be my breaking point. He doesn’t shower or brush his teeth unless reminded? That’s disgusting. I never, ever would have considered marrying a man who didn’t maintain cleanliness, and you shouldn’t have, either. I don’t care what kind of things you are dealing with; you can do better. 

So you made a mistake, but every day you stay is only making that mistake worse. Get out and value yourself more highly than this. 

ETA: I remember a poster who had a similar situation, but wasn’t married, and I think the entire Bee icked out over the hygiene issue. I see this is your first post, OP, but it sure reminds me of another poster.

Post # 12
Member
8267 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Have you posted before? I swear I’ve heard of this man before… anyways, it’s too late to talk about not marrying him etc. Right now, you know you can’t live like this. Go talk to a lawyer, ASAP. Talk about your options and go from there.

Post # 13
Member
7705 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

View original reply
@jellybellynelly:  I said the same thing! I could have sworn I’ve heard this one before!

Post # 14
Member
1521 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

This is why divorce exists. You made a mistake by marrying him, but you are not stuck with him. 

Post # 15
Member
1066 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

You’ve got to sit him down and have a come to Jesus talk with him.  This will be really hard but marriage is hard.  He probably won’t change, I mean the whole teeth brushing thing….ewww, but you don’t want to end your marriage without at least once having the ‘I will leave if x, x, x, and x doesn’t happen.  Then when he doesn’t then gtfo

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