(Closed) Just married, no acknowledgement from spiteful sisters, need support :(

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
6123 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@ibiza1987:  “What hurts is picturing how life should be – if you have sisters they are almost always your main support during a wedding, right?”

While my sisters were not as spiteful as yours, my sisters had nothing to do with my wedding.  There was no excitement, no asking questions, they even said they couldn’t comeout to my wedding and I didn’t even have a date yet!  Just flat out – “Hmm, jeeee, I don’t think we’re going to make it.”  WTF?  I didn’t even tell you which month!!!  One even said, “Do you actually need people there to witness your vows or not?”

yeah.  That was a major factor in chosing an elopement.

OK, I was starting my own vent…  So sorry you are going through this.  I understand.  Just be happy and try to look at all the positives you have already!!!

Post # 5
Member
1848 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

This is part of the reason why I dislike Facebook. I have one, but sometimes it creates problems that wouldn’t have arisen if not for the impersonal platform. Someone doesn’t like your status and it’s obvious. Expectations are there for certain people to comment, and when it doesn’t happen it’s a virtual slap in the face. I’m sorry you’re going through this. 🙁

I didn’t grow up with girls (for real, I was the only girl for a decade and a half) but I know how girls can be. We manipulate our relationships and withhold from each other in order to make a point. It’s not right!

You only get a few moments that are truly yours, and a wedding is it. They don’t need to kiss your butt, but the least they can do is congratulate you.

Post # 6
Member
6123 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@ibiza1987:  Funny you ask, I actually eloped TWICE!  Both times (I was married 11 years ago for a short time), my family just said they cannot fly out, they are poor, no vacation, yadda yadda – yet they have all come to here for a vacation at least 1-2 times in the past 13 years. So I know it’s possible.

So that was two weddings that they missed.  WTH?  What kind of family does that?  I put a lot of hope into having a wedding with family around us, but I forgot I am the one who is different and they are really the same.  It wasn’t quite evident until I started to plan a wedding that didn’t work out.

It hurts me because I flew home over 30 times in the past 13 years (they are in the Midwest, I am in Utah), AND was a Bridesmaid or Best Man in one sister’s wedding, AND threw each sister a baby shower and flew home to host it.  Yeah, that hurts.  I was even offering free room/board at Sundance Resort in Utah and transportation, if they just flew out for a 3 day weekend to Utah for a wedding/vacation. 

But all in all, I am very happy with our destination elopement.  Our plan B (our Canadian Elopement, search for my photos!) was soooooo incredibly awesome, so perfect for us, so stressfree, it kind of trumped anything I could have planned with my family because they would have made it stressful for me I’m sure.

But I think I am an elopement kind of girl.  I promote eloping all the time.

Yes, I’m a little bitter, I don’t want to fly back to the Midwest anytime soon (reconsidering my whole frequency now after that), but I really need to fly home soon as my grammie is declining.

Post # 7
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m sure you have legitimate issues with your sisters. But I find it odd that you are using face book as a barometer for your relationship with them.

They did acknowledge your wedding by commenting on the pictures. I kind of think it’s ridiculous to expect them to like all the status regarding your wedding, in addition to making status updates or posting about it. What if anything does them announcing your wedding on their Facebook pages signify or accomplish? I don’t remember posting anything about my brothers wedding as a status on facebook. Communication is a two way street, you don’t mention calling them or what efforts you made to reach out to them.

I suggest you stop giving Facebook such significance and address whatever issues you have with them in a meaningful way. They are never going to turn into the people you want them to be, and good or bad you are stuck with them as is. I love my brothers and I accept all the things that annoy and frustrate me about them even if I don’t like it.

At a certain point you have to decide what you are going to accept and what you won’t tolerate, then establishing whatever boundaries are needed for your own sake.

 

Post # 8
Member
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I am sorry you have such spiteful sisters. BOTH of my sisters will not be at my wedding. They haven’t spoken to me in years and I have given up trying to figure out why they have not communicated with me since our Mother died!

It does suck. But you can’t change people, only your reaction to them. I suggest you simply accept the fact these relatives will never be the caring supportive people you wish they would be. Focus instead on creating the warm, loving family you have always wanted in your own home. Yes, you and your Darling Husband are a family!

Post # 9
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

You need some time away from facebook. How many “likes” you get means nothing. If you are hurt by your sisters, give them a call and talk it out.

Post # 11
Member
7385 posts
Busy Beekeeper

You keep setting yourself up for disappointment. When are you going to accept that they have never and will never be who you want them to be? Instead of focusing on this new chapter in your life, you are wasting time and energy on people who don’t care about your feelings. Your giving your power away. At this point they aren’t the problem, your expectations are.

Post # 12
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I didn’t go back and read your first post, but planning your wedding in a hurry to (what it seems like) cut your side of the family out of the wedding, and then being mad at them for not being more effusive about it may be expecting a bit much. Without knowing the full story, it’s hard to know for sure, but it seems like you have done a lot of pushing away with them as well.

Post # 15
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@ibiza1987:  I did read your other post. It seems to me based on you wrote they did some things wrong and were rude. However you need to keep your expectations in line after all you were planning a wedding in another country. They reasons seem legitimate to me.

My advice is stop seeing yourself as a victim and become a advocate for yourself. You can’t change how your sisters behave, but you can change your behavior in what you allow and what you are willing to subject yourself too. Again you at a certain point have to draw a line in the sand and decide what boundaries you will have.

Post # 16
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@ibiza1987:  I understand what you are feeling. I have 3 sisters and only 1 of which I have any contact with She lives out of state so cannot be real involved in the whole wedding planning process but will be a bridesmaid.

I had to quit concentrating on what could have been and concentrate on what I had. I was raised in a quite disfunctional home. The wedding party/guest list could be a nightmare if I let it be.

This is your time. You are starting a new life with your new husband. Creating new wonderful memories. Yes…I understand the sadness involved completely. But I would recommend on concentrating on those that do love you and are happy for you. That is what works for me. BIG HUGS to you because I completely relate.

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