(Closed) Just need a place to talk this out.

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1956 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

Ouch, sounds like a hurtful situation to me! I would’ve been just as pissed and honestly, probably not apologized either…There’s no reason for your mom to call you a ‘zilla just bc, like you said, a vendor didn’t respond to your inquiries.  You don’t have to use that minister and if he doesn’t respond, you can and should look into someone else to perform the ceremony.

Honestly, I don’t think you were disrespectful and I think your FH should have backed you up instead of putting you down.  I can totally see how this hurt your feelings, I’m sorry!

Post # 5
Member
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

Wow, your mom is harsh. I’d just stop talking to her until you really feel ready to talk to her again. It was hurtful to just throw out mean questions/accusations! I think it was kind of you to apologize, though.

What did she say when you called? Honestly if she’d said something else nasty I probably would have just said “Ok” and not talked to her again. No one deserves to feel bad about their wedding!

Post # 6
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I feel your minister pain. I had nearly the same issue with a minister…he refused to call us back for weeks or return any emails. My Fiance and I don’t live in the same state so we are meeting in a middle for the convenience of our families. I happened to have a weekend off of work so we traveled down to the view the church and to hopefully meet the pastor.

When we finally met him he looked at us and gave a very weak hello and walked off. It was so blatantly rude I was shocked. Shortly after that my Fiance called to speak with him and he told us we could not marry in his church and it was ‘too weird’ that we weren’t getting married in our hometowns. He insinuated that there was something underhand about our wedding and he would have no part in it.

I was irate and I plan to write a letter to regional board of his church, after the wedding of course. Since then we have found a wonderful minister who is working with us to make it our dream day. So don’t give up hope, there is something better out there for you!

Post # 7
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I don’t think you were disrespectful either, although I am so impressed that you were the bigger person in that situation and called to apologize.  I really hope writing it out made you feel better, since I’m in the same boat!

I am trying to gin myself up to follow your example and be the bigger person, but I don’t know if I can do it.  I think I’m finding it particularly upsetting because she’s always been one of the “grown-ups” and to see her behaving like a petulant child is very difficult to adjust to.  I wonder if you are feeling something similar with your mother’s various hurtful comments.

** Edited – sorry that got really long, didn’t mean to thread-jack your post Quietserenity.  I’ll post my own thread!**

Post # 8
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I have found that people throw around the Bridezilla term to any bride to be just for the sake of trying to sound trendy or ‘hip’.  And it’s terribly disrespectful of them to assume that it’s just funny to use that term.  The day I announced I was engaged at work some people asked me if I’m going to be a Bridezilla and I laughed at them. Seriously?  Anyone who actually knows me, knows that I’m soo far from it, but hey…I’m getting married so that automatically makes me fair game to be called that right? Whatever!  Anyway, it’s not right of your mom to act so blase about it all and I’m sorry you had to deal with that.  I too think it’s so wrong that people will just assume that we’re PMS-ing if we get worked up about something – it’s their defense mechanism because they either don’t want to admit or simply can’t see that they said or did something wrong.  Hang in there, its stuff like this that makes WB so great because you can come here and discuss with others who will actually empathize with you, rather than try to be witty and call you a ‘zilla.

Post # 9
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I am so sorry that your family is not allowing you to celebrate and share details like you want to and IMO have the right to because it is an important day. I dont think it was fair at all the way your mom treated you, and to be honest who cares that your inviting 30 ppl to a second marriage. You love this person and want to share that with people you love. It sounds like you have a really supportive Fiance tho and that always makes things a little easier. Hope things start going a lot more smoothly for you.

Post # 10
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I look at responding to a question as good customer service and I’m big on customer service. Furthermore, as a member of the clergy it is the job of a minister to counsel and assist, so his lack of response is particularly inconsiderate. If he’s not interested then look for someone who wants to help you move on to a good married life together and have a meaningful wedding. We and our rabbi agreed to meet several times before the wedding, not for some mandatory arbitrary pre-marital counseling, but so we can discuss which rituals will be meaningful and in what way. Also, we will discuss how to have a meaningful, ethical marriage after the wedding, which connects to having a Jewish home (not really in a religious way, but more being ethical, moral, etc). I think it will be great to have a relationship with the person who will marry us, but that doesn’t mean a religious person, just someone like your bridal party who cares and can offer a positive transition into married life together.

So, I think your mom was wrong. Hang in there and don’t let your mom get to you.

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