Post # 1
So my boyfriend and I really want to get married.. We each know that the other is “the one” and we are very much in love.. He truly is my best friend.. But he joined the Army, and right now he’s in boot camp.. He suggested getting married when he gets home, before he leaves for his duty station, in a small civil ceremony, and then have a big wedding later on after his first deployment.. I thought we should just wait for the wedding and have the whole thing later, so we decided on a tentative date of October 29, 2011.. But now that it gets closer to him coming home and we’re starting to learn more details of what’s going to be happening, I’m starting to change my mind.. I’m new to this whole military thing, and I’m getting used to having to plan everything around when it works for the Army, and not when it works for us.. So right now I’m thinking of getting married this fall instead of next fall, since it’s very likely that he will be deployed next year and be gone around that time.. For sentimental and emotional reasons, I would like us to be married while he is deployed.. I don’t care about the money or the benefits or anything, I want to marry him because I love him and I know he’s the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.. I also feel like it will bring us closer together while he’s gone.. Not that we’ve drifted apart at all or anything.. I guess it’s just really hard to explain why I feel the way that I do.. But I guess what I’m asking is what do you guys think? Should we do the small civil ceremony now and the big one later in a year or two? Or should we get married this fall? Or next fall? It’s hard for me to explain my reasons for wanting to get married so soon to my parents or friends or anything because, while they really try to be supportive, they really don’t understand the situation and the emotions and restrictions that come along with it.. So I would really really appreciate it if anybody who’s been through it or who understands it could please give me any advice on what to do? Thank you so much in advance..
Post # 3
You should really read Miss Jellyfish’s blog she just posted. It actually touches on this very subject!
YOu have to do what’s right for you. If that’s to have a small, civil ceremony now, then go for it! Follow your heart.
Post # 4
I definately think you should do a small civil ceremony before he gets deployed. Then have a big one when he comes home!
And I know you don’t care for the benefits, but they really do help. So I think that is a huge plus! Also I think having that tie between the two of you will help ease the lonely’s of deployment.
Post # 5
Here’s my reason you should do it now: if he gets injured/hurt or worse, wouldn’t you want to be the first to know? Because statuses as “girlfriend” don’t count, and that would hurt me so bad if I was last to know. Sure, there are other benefits, but those don’t even compare to the fact that you would know if anything happened.
Good luck and welcome to the bee!
Post # 6
Although I’m kind of on the fence about when the wedding should be (I can see both sides of the argument) I can say that I COMPLETELY understand you when you say it will bring you closer when he’s gone. My Darling Husband have been long distance right from the get go. Infact, 2 days after our first date, he went back to Iraq for 10 more months…and 1 1/2 weeks after our wedding, he went back to his duty station and I havent been able to see him since….sigh… So believe me when I say I 100% know what you mean. My Darling Husband and I are incredibly compatible, so much so that sometimes it would be nice to disagree just to add a little excitement. lol I never realized I could have felt more closer to him just because we were married. In a sense, everything would still be the same (he’s there and I’m here). But it’s the simple fact that we are married and that adds a huge layer of sentiment & meaning to things. He’s not my boyfriend, he’s not my fiancee, he’s my husband…It’s very special knowing that you are going to be with someone for forever.
Now, for the technical side of things, I know you said the benefits/money don’t mean anything to you (and that’s great, they shouldn’t) but trust me THEY HELP! I’ve been established in my career for almost 7 years now and make a very good living for a female my age (28), but this year my health insurance went up to $250…per month. Fianancially, that was a blow. Thankfully right around the time it went up, we got married and I am now on the hubs insurance. Whew…Also, keep in mind, the Army does not recognize fiancee’s, but they do recognize wives, which is sucky for the fiancees/girlfriends. Sometimes I think they only deal w/ the wives because they have to…but they dont have to with fiancee’s because they are not part of the Army family. Does that make sense? When my Darling Husband (just boyfriend at the time) was in Iraq, they sent home all the married guys home first while the “single” i.e., not married guys, had to stay up to a month longer in Iraq…so, being married does have it’s perks in the Army!
Post # 7
Thank you so much everyone!!! @JSDragonfly – I really did not know a lot of that stuff, that really helps and it’s actually helping me to make my decision, I really think I want to have the small ceremony before he leaves now.. And thank you so much for saying that you understand where I’m coming from.. It’s really hard to explain why though right? But it’s like people who have gone through it understand without it needing to be explained.. Thank you everyone though, this really means a lot, and @LaborOfLove, it really would kill me if I was the last to find out, and that’s one of the major reasons why I would want to do it now.. Any more advice, I would really appreciate.. About anything in the Army in general.. I haven’t been through a deployment or a duty station or planned a wedding or any of that stuff yet, so it’ll really help to be prepared for what’s coming, since I don’t really know anyone who’s in a similar situation..