(Closed) Just need to talk/vent (a bit long)…..

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
3730 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

You already have your dress purchased and your venue booked, right? Can you look forward to your upcoming wedding? Everyone does things on their own timeline, so getting married later might be what’s right for you. I’d focus on living your life — move out of your parents house and get an apartment. Most places rent year-to-year and you can find sub-lets that lease for shorter periods. You know you’ll be in the area at least until your wedding almost two years from now, so I’d become more independent which might help with some of these feelings of arrested development you have.

Post # 4
1944 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Cluelessbride10:  absolutely nothing is wrong with you! You and your fiance have clearly been through a lot and you’ve managed to make it through, together, stronger than ever. You’re not living with parents because you’re losers or lazy moochers, your fiance has been through a devastating illness and you’re a loyal partner who stuck with him when many others would have jumped ship. You should both be proud of yourselves!

I know it can be hard, but please try not to compare yourself to others. I am 33, and will be married at 34. Most of my friends are married and some already have kids. Heck, in the time we’ve been together, we watched people meet, marry, have kids, and even divorce in some cases! I definitely had a few “when is my turn” moments. But ultimately, this is the timeline that has worked for me and my relationship, we are happy together, and I wouldn’t trade us for anything.  

Post # 5
151 posts
Blushing bee

@Cluelessbride10:  I think you need to get busy focusing on your own future! Dont be down- youre getting married! Theres always someone younger, prettier, richer- so do yourself a favor and STOP from diving down the comparison rabbit hole. 

Make a list tonight of all that youre grateful for- and really meditate on each and every one. 


good luck xx

Post # 6
1283 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@Cluelessbride10:  I’ve had those same thoughts myself before I met my DH. Everyone has a different timeline in their life, some people meet early in life, get married early, have kids early, etc. Some of us (myself included) don’t meet the right person until a bit later in life.

The only advice I can give you is to try and stop comparing yourself with others. I didn’t meet my DH until I was 31, married at 34. But he is absolutely the right person for me and I’m glad I waited to get married to him! One of my previous boyfriends really wanted to get married because he had a certain timeline that he had set for himself – it wasn’t the right relationship or timeline for me, so I had to break up with him. He was married and divorced within the next year! So don’t get too bogged down with whether it is better to get married at 20, 30, 40 . . . be happy and focus on planning your wedding to YOUR GUY!!

Post # 9
1431 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@Cluelessbride10:  Aww well I’m happy for you that your FI survived brain cancer. I think that a) we all have our moments when we feel jealous or miserable because we compare ourselves to others, and b) some people were just born into lives that are easier or harder than others.  I don’t know if you’re religious at all but whenever things happen, to you or to others, that make you think “whyyy”, I say it’s because God picks those who have the strongest hearts and souls to go through the pain and suffering, even though they’re the persons who deserve it the least. Tomorrow will be a new day, try to focus on your wedding planning!

Post # 11
596 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

You described me perfectly! I just turned 30, and I almost feel like a loser! Like, it took me this long to find someone that wanted to marry me? We’re moving back into FIL’s guest house next month to save money while FI is still in school…double loser! 

FI’s baby sister is eight months pregnant and just had a shotgun wedding and she will never have to worry about a thing, it was SO SO SO hard to be happy for her. But I eventually got over it. 

In all honesty though, I have also had so many people tell me that I did the right thing by waiting to get married, I am doing the right thing by moving back to FI’s parents to save money and bottom line – that I have heard from EVERYONE – “I wish I could go back and do what you did… or, I wish I had to opportunity to live at home again.”

We may not understand why these things happen, but I do try to look at things on the other side and think, would I have been THAT happy if things were different? I hope you feel batter about all this, you are not alone!

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