(Closed) Just need to vent…

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Venting is healthy! I think we all have been there and know how you feel.  Even though we know not to compare our relationship to other people’s relationships, it still stings sometimes when the engagements/weddings are announced.

It’s only human.  Jealousy gets such a ‘bad rap’ as being an ego fault and we should know better than to succumb to it. But really it’s just a feeling that we all move through at different times in our lives. It’s also a feeling that wakes us up to something that is a true desire. Marriage/engagement is something that you WANT, something powerful and important to you. Looking at it that way, it’s not silly at all to feel the way you feel.  It’s natural to “want more”.  That doesn’t mean you don’t count your blessings…I believe we should be grateful for what we have. That doesn’t mean we don’t want more though.

 

Post # 5
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

ugh. I hear ya. While I am engaged, and we do have a date set, thats been the extent of our planning. We don’t live together yet so we’re trying to work on that whole house thing first. But it is very frustrating to watch friends, some younger than me, getting married and starting their lives together! makes me furious! I’m happy for them, but oh so jealous at the same time. We have friends that just got engaged in July and they already have a date set, deposit down on their venue, dress picked out, etc. And they’ll be getting married before us! it’s maddening!

But don’t stress, your day is coming. Try to be patient! Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
302 posts
Helper bee

Oh the curse of Facebook after a weekend….same thing happened to me today. And often. And my Boyfriend or Best Friend says the same things–they are not financially stable, they dont know each other enough, yadda yadda yadda…

I feel like even if youre not 100% there, as long as you are close you should be able to build the rest together, and if you are already beyond that, then what is he waiting for??!! Maybe he is planning something extra special though, or maybe he will surprise you early… who knows!?

Post # 7
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

unfortunately guys just aren’t good at taking non verbal cues. if you want him to make you tea or play your favorite video game with you then tell him. And let him know that just because he doesn’t agree with your feelings, that doesn’t mean he can discount your feelings. Just say to him, look this is how I’m feeling, I know you don’t get it, but you don’t have to. Now go make me some damn tea!

Post # 8
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@mjchexum: I totally agree! 

@DeathByDesign: If I had $1 for every time a guy thought a woman’s feelings weren’t valid, or when a woman thought her guy didn’t think her feeling were valid…I could retire! It helps me to just let go of thinking anyone else will ever *completely* understand me. We’re all individuals. You can certainly share your feelings, and people can try to understand, but no one but yourself will ever know 100%. Sometimes, if it’s a particularly convoluted issue for me, I can say ‘I don’t expect you to understand but this is how I feel’. And here’s a funny thought: Ever notice that sometimes people will get pissed-off it’s they’re in a tough situation and you say “I understand”? They say “you can’t possibly understand!!!!” LOL.  

It’s great that you know what you want, and you know how he could make you happy. That is the first step. Now, when he says “Hi deathbydesign, how are you doing today? How was your day?” you can say “I’ve been in a funk today, I just want to play my favorite video game. Would you please play with me?”. or “I want some tea, if you would be so kind as to make some tea for me, that would be AWESOME! I’m sure I would feel better, it was kind of a rough day today”.

Then talk about how great it made you feel for him to do nice things for you. Focus on the positive instead of how crappy you felt. Becuase at that point, you would be much more cheerful, right? 🙂

Post # 9
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@DreamingBee: seriously. Fiance just hates when I have feelings that are irrational or “girly.” I always use my “it doesn’t matter that you don’t understand it or that I can’t explain it, it’s just how I’m feeling!”

Post # 10
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

@DeathByDesign:  Sorry to hear!  Lots of us girls have gone through that kind of depression, but what might be comforting to know is that it sounds like your guy is one of those that is really into being financially ready!  That said, it sounds like he is saving up for a better ring or something.  A lot of times, if you’ve read Mr.Bee’s 3 step plan, some guys take a while because they are saving up for that special ring and they might not realize how hard it is for the girl to wait while they are saving up.

Anyways cheer up because at least you can see a very financially sound light at the end of the tunnel.  It might actually be better because some people I’ve heard, who go into the wedding planning before they are financially ready, have a smaller budget and simpler wedding.

So maybe one can say, “Better things come to those who wait?”

Post # 11
Member
1390 posts
Bumble bee

@DeathByDesign: I guess he just doesn’t understand why I’m upset about it and does not think my feelings are valid.

Men get upset about all sorts of ridiculous things. Maybe the next time his team loses, he loses at a video game, or he gets upset about some other arbitrary thing you could mention this situation. If he can be annoyed with you for being sad that you’re not engaged yet, you can be annoyed with him, right? OR MAYBE he could accept the fact that your feelings are valid and real.

The longer I hang out on the waiting board the more ridiculous I think men are.

1 – engagement shouldn’t have to be just us waiting around for them. No other aspect of our relationships are like that!

2 – all of the ‘is he ready’ and ‘best time’ stuff just sounds like nonsense now. getting married should be about getting married. it shouldn’t be about money or houses or the right timing, it should be about loving the person you’re with so much that you stand up and promise to love each other forever. that’s all!

3 – in any other situation, if our SO knew his actions were hurting us, he would do whatever he could to fix it, right? so why is engagement/marriage so different? it shouldn’t be. if we communicate to them how we feel, they should be man enough to understand that it’s obviously important to us and it is very real and valid.

4 – ‘when you know who you want to spend the rest of your life with, you can’t wait for the rest of your life to begin.’ maybe that will help them understand. It’s our excitement about spending our lives with them that gets us all worked up, shouldn’t they be happy about that instead of grumbling?

A man’s standards of what’s valid seems like a poor way to decide an emotional response. He doesn’t think it’s valid to be upset so he’s going to get angry? Come on! Most men have the emotional capacity of a labrador.

Anyway. That’s my rant. Not at my SO or anyone in particular, just to men in general. If we could publish this as a Public Service Announcement, that’d be great.

Post # 13
Member
1390 posts
Bumble bee

OMG, you’re not silly at all. It’s like, the most exciting thing EVER and you know about it and you have to keep it quiet? It’s like torture.

I’m totally in the same boat as you are…..I’m actively planning and trying to nail things down but can’t tell anyone because we haven’t made it official yet. We have it narrowed down to two dates, we know our venue, and I’m trying to figure out if I can find or make the invitations I want. All of which he’s been aware or involved with. Still….no ring. When’s it gonna happen?

The other day we practiced our ‘you may kiss the bride’ kiss because he’s worried that he can’t tilt his head to the right and if he tilts left, he’ll block out my face. Seriously. He brought this up completely at random. He’s also mentioned TWICE that he thinks our recessional should be “Simply the Best” which I put the kabosh on but he thinks it’s a great idea. So we’re planning and we’re ready and I can’t tell anyone except the bees. Gah!

Post # 14
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@DeathByDesign: just curious, why February? Do you have any idea at all?  If not, I wouldn’t worry about it as long as you trust it will happen.  Maybe there’s a lunar eclipse, or some other “thing” he’s planning on. Or some other elaborate proposal logistics that he needs that long to do it. Or maybe he wants it to be on Valentine’s Day!

The topic ‘Just need to vent…’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors