Just needing some support

posted 1 year ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
4512 posts
Honey bee

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blondie603 :  they know their comments are hurtful. They get off on it.

Post # 17
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee

I have a toxic parent. I tolerated the behavior and even blamed myself for it for a long time. It got to the point where I became physically ill whenever I had to see him. I tried to set boundaries with him but that made him ridicule me even more so I just had to completely cut off contact with him. My therapist who specializes in dealing with abusive and narcissistic behaviors told me this type of behavior tends to get worse with age.

Post # 18
Member
279 posts
Helper bee

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honeybee321 :  It’s hard isn’t it? I have a sister like this so I know how it goes. You know exactly what to expect from them, but then something special comes up and you don’t want to exclude them, so you prepare yourself mentally for the inevitable dissapointment they’ll cause. Except somehow your not prepared at all and they manage to upset you anyway!

You’d think they could hold off for just one day that mattered to you, but nope. undecided

I know you said you didn’t want Mom bashing, so just consider this a light slapping – your Mom has serious issues and none of this is your fault bee.

 

Post # 19
Member
587 posts
Busy bee

Are you my sister? Sounds like we have the same mother!

My mom was the same way when I took her dress shopping with me. She said “I hate it” to every dress I tried on. I told her that I wasn’t asking for her opinion, I was just coming out of the dressing room to look in the mirror, but she kept repeating “I hate it” like a broken record.

My bridesmaids were with me too, and one of the dresses I tried on was the same dress my bridesmaid wore for her wedding. (I wasn’t going to wear the same dress as her, I just wanted to try it on because it was pretty.) I made sure to tell my mom that my friend, who was sitting right next to her, had worn this dress at her wedding. Even that didn’t stop her from saying how much she hated it! She spent the next 10 minutes telling my bridesmaids how much she hates corset backs and how ugly they are.

After that, I told her I would be going dress shopping without her. Nobody needs that kind of negativity when they’re shopping for a wedding dress. She wanted to be included, but she couldn’t behave herself and she was ruining the experience for me. If I were you, I’d go shopping without her. It will be so much easier when you don’t have to deal with her constant criticism.

Post # 21
Member
1411 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: USA

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honeybee321 :  Aw bee I am so sorry this was your experience. You deserve to surround yourself with people who are going to support your wishes for your wedding. Even if she is your mom, doesn’t mean it is a good thing for her to be involved in this process for you. I would say this about anyone who is highly critical. You should not include these people in your wedding in any way. Is there anyone else you can turn to about this, some sort of materal figure or female presence who you feel safe around? Hopefully giving it another try would be easier with people who are gonna have your back, if you want other people with you at dress appointments at this point. 

This forum is full of wonderful women who can provide support and feedback as well, so don’t hesistate to post pics of your dress here for some compliments!! 

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