(Closed) Just needing to get some things off my back….vent

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
7651 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I know you are feeling stressed, and I am probably going to sound kind of insensitive, but it really sounds like you’ve brought a lot of this stress upon yourself. Do you really like anyone in your life? I can honestly say I read everything, and it feels like you are being judgemental about the way people are living their lives. Your post was all about finding faults in people. You’re stressing YOURSELF out because you are more worried about other people’s short comings or issues.

Honestly your Future Sister-In-Law isn’t really that fake if she didn’t congratulate you on your engagement. Usually fake people will be like, “Oh my God. That is awesome!” She didn’t say anything. And your FI’s brothers, let him invite them. You can have an honest dicussion with your Fiance and if he feels the same then don’t invite them, but if he still wants him there I say don’t fight that.

You need to pick your battles. Right now you are too involved with everyone and everything and everything that isn’t your concern. Maybe I am wrong and that isn’t how you are really being, but that is how your post is coming across.

Post # 5
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I feel like I need a flow chart to keep all these people in order.

B: Just focus on being a kind friend.  She’ll either come around, or she won’t.

C: Be glad she’s out of state.

Don’t worry about the Groomsmen expecting their child.  There is nothing you can do that will affect that.  It will all work out in the end.  Even if they’re not there and the party is unbalanced, everyone will understand and life happens.  All that matters is that you’re marrying your Fiance.  Don’t stress over this, it will only drive you nuts.

Maid/Matron of Honor: Some people are insecure.

T: Don’t spend money you don’t have.  No matter how badly you feel for her circumstance, it’s not your responsibility.  You can’t truly take care of others until you can attend to yourself.

M: Eh… I got nothing.

Father-In-Law: Welcome to the family.

I know this is a vent, but take a deep breath and step back.  A lot of things that otherwise wouldn’t have bothered me seemed like the Crisis of All Time when I was engaged.  Ultimately so many things that we stress over so inconsequential.

Also… on a side note, more than 6 lines of text in a block on these forums and I start to get confused.  That was a hard read, but I hope you feel a bit better getting it out.

Post # 7
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@MissEMich:  All will be well.  You will have the most important person standing up next to you– your new husband.

Take care!

Post # 8
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I also have a long rant like this and feel your pain. I’m just going into ‘take my life back’ mode and no longer caring about anything anybody else does and only doing things I’m comfortable doing. If that means I don’t see my FIL’s until a week or two before my wedding then so be it. I hope you gather your strength too 🙂 In the end I think we all know that we will look back on the day in a few years time and think it was all worth it. Keep that in mind, good luck!

Post # 10
Member
7651 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@MissEMich: I can’t take back anything I said, and I really wouldn’t want to. It is very hard to pick apart a post and offer the best advice based on what someone gave you. My main point by saying pick your battles was that all these things that are bothering you just push them out of your mind and talk wedding with as little people as possible, especially these people since they are rude. It is hard for us (the significant other) to watch our FI’s get pushed around my their own family (because my SIL was a real gem to work with during the wedding) but sometimes it makes it worse if we keep bringing it up. I found men, especially my Darling Husband, like to work out issues in his head for a while. 

Don’t stress yourself out by thinking about all this stuff because, like you said, a lot of it you can’t control. Just take this all one day at a time. You wedding day is going to be fine idf you keep in the midset that it is you and your FI’s day, and you’re marrying a good man that you love. These people aren’t worth stressing over, and you are just going to drive yourself crazy, which you really don’t need since you are just a little over 6 months away from your wedding. Was I a little less insensetive this time? 🙂

Post # 11
Member
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

Yikes. You need some new people in your life.

Post # 12
Member
7992 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

Doesn’t sharing help you to feel so much better? I moan on here all the time… it makes me so much calmer and more reasonable IRL! I must also say that your post had a real feeling of familiarity to it to me… loads of different issues, some serious, some not at all serious, all with different people, which become a problem because they are culmulative. This is why people elope, right? Because at the moment then Fiance and I said today that we both want to be married… we just don’t really want a wedding right now, and we can’t wait for it to be over! Do you feel the same?

This was my complaint a few days ago: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/lets-face-it-it-is-me

See if it feels familiar in any way!

PS Has it also occurred to you that maybe it IS you? Not in a bad way, but maybe all brides have negative people in their lives, but most of them just don’t notice and/or care what other people think?

Post # 14
Member
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MissEMich:  Don’t give those people power over your emotions or feelings. Your wedding will be one of the most important events in your life and technically the only people you need is you, your Fiance, an officiant, and a witness! The party will and should go on regardless of who is there, how they act, or what they post on FB. Stay calm you totally got this!

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