Post # 1
Since it’s Friday and I’m feeling chatty, I’m wondering if anyone else can relate to what I’m going through… I know I want to have a wedding – I love going to them and what better excuse to throw a huge party. But that’s just it – I want a huge party. Not really a wedding… I’m excited to get married, in front of our loved ones even, but as far as themes, colors, invitations, centerpieces, flowers, etc etc… I just have no interest. None – I’m not stylish or artsy and don’t seen the need to have a set of colors or anything like that.
I feel like my fiance has much stronger ideas on what he wants and doesn’t. He specifically doesn’t want something that feels wedding-like. He wants it in late summer / early fall. He doesn’t want assigned tables. He wants somewhere with a very, very late curfew where preferably we can bring in our own food/liquor. He wants an iPod DJ. He does not want something that feels like we’re giving a lot of money away to the wedding industrial complex. All stuff I am totally fine with, even really excited about. Though logistically? Makes it more difficult. Some days I want to just have a package deal at a hotel and not have to worry about long-distance venue-searching (and also know someone else will decorate at least a little. Left to me, our wedding site will be UG-LY).
We have a long time, and my basic goal is to have a short list of places to visit when we go back east in the summer. But I am having a very hard time psyching myself up for this. He’s a grad student and doesn’t have the sort of research time I have, so I can’t pawn it off on him, like I plan to do with a good deal of wedding planning.
I’m mostly just venting here, but if anyone has any advice for getting going / getting psyched up, that’d be great. Even though I couldn’t care less about so much of the wedding stuff, I love how excited everyone here is about it.
Post # 3
I definitely went through periods of interest/disinterest too. I would suggest for now, just schedule some time to look at venues and force yourself to do the legwork. I found that once our venue was booked, I started to get excited because I was able to see part of the vision and piece together what else I wanted in my mind.
Post # 4
I don’t think you should be spending time on details you don’t care about. Websites like this one make it seem like every bride is super-excited about planning all the little parts of the wedding. But it is a very self-selective group – brides who don’t care about the details don’t go on Weddingbee. There are plenty of weddings out there that aren’t about themes, colors, flowers, etc. And to be honest, guests don’t care much about those things either – when a bride puts in a ton of effort to make everything look perfect, it’s more for herself than the guests.
For me, personally, some DIY and details are a good distraction from work. But if I don’t enjoy something, I don’t do it. My parents didn’t have any details – just food, dancing, and friends. They keep me grounded and remind me what’s really important.
So I guess I have two pieces of advice. First, don’t feel like you have to be excited about and spend time on things you don’t care about. It’s 100% fine to outsource or skip them. Second, I think you and Fiance are coming from different perspectives and should work on meeting in the middle. Since he has all of these ideas, how involved is he going to be in making them happen? Make sure he knows how you feel and doesn’t expect you to spend a ton of time on making his ideas come to life. If you are clear with your mutual expectations upfront, you won’t disappoint each other later.
Post # 5
Sounds like our wedding 🙂 We got married in the woods, with no curfew… brought in our own caterer, our own booze and did iPod DJ. I was excited about little details, but when you get married in a beautiful setting, decorations don’t matter so much! Our florist did a wonderful job, and different friends did things like putting up lanterns, flags and signs.
All in all it wound up feeling cozy and down home and was just what we wanted.
Start by finding a beautiful setting and the rest will fall into place around that 🙂
Post # 6
@Miss Burgundy – Yeah, I know that will help. It’s just a pain because it’s all online right now, since we’re planning from the other side of the country. I really want to have a venue booked… maybe that will help it come together for me. But right now it’s just making a spreadsheet.
@GirlWithARing – Thanks. I don’t really feel pressure to do things a certain way. The issue with him helping right now is he’s a PhD student writing his qualifying paper. I have a lot more time. When we agreed to have a long engagement, it was so I could start researching venues – he definitely didn’t want to worry about planning during his QP.
@MrsDG – That sounds great! How rustic was it? I like the idea of doing something out of the way, but am terrified of 1) rain and 2) not having running water / nice enough lodging for our guests.
Post # 7
I’m the same as you! The only reason I care about some things is because other people do! And it is strange, because I LOVE flowers, but when it came to picking wedding flowers I just had no interest. I put it off for almost a whole YEAR. That’s how indecisive I was because I just couldn’t find the desire to think about it and do it.
Ultimately, what motivated me was other people’s excitement about it. Just feed off of their excitement and you’ll be good. 🙂 I would be fine with the simplest party… no matching colours, no cake, no flowers, etc. But I know that even though that option seems easier now, I won’t be happy with it on the day of. And I’ll wish I had put in the effort!!!
Post # 8
I went through a lull in my planning where I was disinterested. I think it can either get old, overwhelming, or both. The most unique wedding I went to was one that was far from “wedding-y” or traditional. When it started, the guests walked in and the reception was already going with drinks, conversation, people buzzing about etc. I believe there was also already food (can’t remember for sure). Then, in the middle, the party was stopped for about 15 minutes, the couple got married, and then the party resumed. It was fun, definitely a wedding, but most of all a great party I will never forget!
Post # 9
I completely relate! That is exactly how I felt when I first started planning. My advice: don’t put time and money into something you aren’t positive you want!
Since you want a huge party, but not something wedding-y, have you thought about doing a mini-ceremony/elopement soon, and a party later? You can make the ceremony whatever feels right to you and your fiance – just the two of you in Vegas, just family on a beach, whatever. Then you can plan a celebration party for some time in the future. That way you won’t have all of the expectations attached to having a wedding and can make the party whatever you want. Plus, it might get cheaper if you don’t use the word “wedding”!
Before you do any planning, THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT. Weddings take a lot of effort, so don’t do it just because you feel like you’re supposed to!
Post # 10
Sounds like you need a local planner! If you can afford it, they will do all of the legwork for you. They can find the sound system to rent, the place with the late curfew, will know the caterer to bring in to that venue, etc. And they don’t have to be terribly expensive either, because you don’t need any event design services, just some vendor hookups.
I resisted hiring one for my long distance planning for so long, but finally got overwhelmed and gave in. Best decision ever.
Post # 11
The best wedding I went to was very non-weddingy. Like the wedding erypre went to, the “party” had already started when people arrived. There were drinks and appetizers, followed by music outside, a dance performance and then the ceremony which was MAYBE 10 minutes. It was amazingly beautiful, however, and you could feel all the love the moment you walked into the door.
After that, there was food and dancing all night. There were NO decorations. Not a one. It was at a restaurant/bar with a lovely outside area. Invitations were sent via evite. Honestly, it was the most sincere and lovely wedding I have ever been to and it was completely representative of the couple.
Post # 12
I’d like to attend your wedding! 🙂 You could have an evening ceremony and provide drinks and finger foods and just have a blast! Though there are traditions, you don’t have to follow them. Follow your gut! if you are having fun, your guests will have fun. if you have the traditional wedding and you’re not interested, the guests will feel the vibe and not have as good a time. so just plan what you like, don’t plan what you don’t, and accept people’s help along the way for things you’re not as interested in!