- 2 months ago
- Wedding: February 2020
Did you invite people you didn’t like to your wedding, just for the sake of “etiquette”?
There’s a woman who has always clamored for FH’s attention, one-upped everything I do (even vacations- she’s been there, knows more about it, and did more-) and basically, I’ve tried to force myself to like her, for the sake of a group of friends. We all spend time together.
FH has murmured to me “what the hell?!” From time to time, when she gets really pushy – even trying to pull him away when he and I are standing there holding hands. Since we got engaged, she has changed it into jokes about how she’d like to be the other wife if only we lived in a culture where that was acceptable.
I laughed at her jokes, but the whole thing makes him uncomfortable, and the more it went on, the more I just didn’t feel like putting energy into trying to create a friendship with this person. It’s very one-sided; she calls to talk out her man problems with me, and I can’t say “I’ve got to go now-“ she keeps talking until I nearly have to be rude to get off the call, in order to not be late for my appointments- so I stopped taking her calls, or trying to create a friendship. I really did try, at first. I could go on and on with examples of why this feels like not a good friendship.
I’ve got two weddings. I was just going to invite her to the local one, but then I already invited some of the group to the one that’s further away- the teeny tiny venue.
I would just invite her and be done w it, except that numbers are SO limited.
Has anyone encountered this issue? What did you choose to do?
If it were possible, I simply wouldn’t be friends with this woman, as it’s just not really a friendship. No need for me to even put energy into criticizing or whatever – it’s simply not a friendship.
But the group of friends include and like her… I am afraid they’ll be hurt if she’s not invited.
I think it would help to hear people’s experiences in this, and what (if any) solutions you came up with.
ETA: my fiancé’s response is “absolutely not.” He simply doesn’t want her invited. But he doesn’t worry about things like hurting her feelings (she just wouldn’t understand, how could she, she thinks her behavior is just fine, obvs, or she wouldn’t do it…) or hurting other people.