Post # 16
Call me old fashioned, but friendship is something reserved for those who you have real, meaningful relationships. It sounds like this woman is an acquaintance at best – no need to feel guilty about not inviting everyone you know.
that said – it sounds like you spend a lot of time with this person – a direct conversation with her was warranted years ago, and long overdue.
Post # 17
DanaWeddingGuest : ok I may have clapped back too hard. Sorry. I’m just so tired of how mean people can be lately on the bee.
Post # 18
I agree with the bee who advised that your fiance should be the one to confront her. He is not part of that friendship circle and isn’t worried about hurting her feelings. Invite him along the next time. When she says something inappropriate HE matter of factly shuts her down.
You are inviting her to the local wedding, so you are technically not excluding her.
Post # 19
I only invited people I actively like with one exception: my mum’s new partner. He’s never actively said anything unpleasant to me but I just don’t like him. I invited him anyway because I knew he wasn’t likely to spoil the wedding or anything.
Post # 20
j3n12345 : I think you’re right. There are actually people in that group I’m not inviting and I didn’t think twice about it. I hardly see them, they’re nice folks and I know they’ll get it. This woman is just high high drama so I guess I’m nervous. My fiancé helped me clarify this. He said “wait – you didn’t even worry at all about xyz other people, you know they’ll get that you’re inviting the close friends- so why her?”
Because she makes scenes and makes everything about her, that’s why.
So this has helped me. Thanks. I need to not invite her- and have courage about whatever comes of that.
Thanks for helping me clarify this, bees
Post # 21
Here’s the thing…it’s YOUR wedding. It’s not like it’s one of his or your family members that you can’t leave out. It doesn’t sound like shes that great of a friend anyway so I would be more concerned about being happy at your wedding than offending someone you don’t care for anyway. It’s your day and you don’t have to justify your decisions to anyone. He doesn’t want her there, she irritates you, so…
Post # 22
Lukbea : THANK you, this is exactly my quandary. This helps a lot.
I need to get over the fear of being “impolite” … it’s stupid that I’d rather be polite than be comfortable and drama free on my wedding day — that’s not called manners, it’s Called being a doormat.
Im going to take a page out of your book. I don’t mind if there’s no “friendship” – any attempt at building a friendship has been a one-sided mess anyway.
And any woman who would fully try to pick up a man *even while he’s holding his girlfriends hand, and she’s standing right there* shouldn’t be surprised at not being invited to the wedding …
Post # 23
I know you don’t want any drama but I think no matter what you do with this individual, she will create drama: either at your wedding (if u invite her) or when she realizes she’s not invited.
You might as well do what YOU want to do because you can’t win with people like this.
If it were me, I’d play it safe and not invite that kind of crazy to my wedding because I don’t need some wack-a-doodle causing problems there!
If she makes a scene, then she is just proving why she couldn’t be included in the first place- she can’t act like a mature adult capable of partaking in a happy event.
No one will blame you. They will see that she is crazy and that maybe YOU would be crazy to invite that to your wedding lol!
ETA: also, you not inviting her may cause a natural end to the “friendship” when she realizes she’s not included. Win win!! ahsoka :
Post # 24
ahsoka : I invited a couple of people my husband and I can’t stand, since I invited everyone else in our group of friends. I felt it was the right thing to do since excluding them would be hurtful, and I don’t have a good enough reason for not liking them (they’ve never done anything horrible to me, just typical late 20’s people who still live at home and haven’t grown up yet)
We had 80 people and honestly, I didn’t even notice them.