Post # 17
Oh my – I’m so sorry you’re going through this. So sad. I know it’s hard to hear but I have to agree that you should get out of this relationship. Nothing will change once you’re married and your issues are way way too big to ignore. Especially parenting.
I see no need for you to keep wasting your time – you deserve better!!!!!!
Post # 18
I’m just more mad than anything. Imagine a man having the audacity to say and do all the right things only to say SURPRISE……undo all of it after you’ve uprooted you and your daughter and moved in with him. I feel like I’ve had a really bad dream but can’t wake up. Talk is cheap,actions speak louder than words! At this point though I feel like we’re beating a dead horse and all I get labeled is a nag when I bring up the issues. Why waste any more time or energy at this point. I’m pretty much numb. I think you can love someone but it doesn’t necessarily mean you belong together. Maybe he was just brought to me to help me learn life lessons! If it’s too good to be true,it probably is! Now what? Move out again? The area I live in is expensive and renting an apartment is not feasible(I’ve checked into it). I have a huge guilt about having to move my 13yr. daughter outta school away from her friends AGAIN! What to do ='( I just feel like a failure and a pathetic mother. I’m embarassed of the whole situation,shoulda never came back here. I’ll never make this mistake again. Don’t EVER live with a man before a commitment first. Make sure you have the same morals,values,financial plans,and religion. Do not listen to talk, look at his actions!
Post # 19
@sunshine8: it sounds like you’re on the right track. just keep checking out places and wait til something comes up, hopefully in your area. you’ve gotta do what you can to get out of that situation, for both of your sakes. if that means moving somewhere less desirable for a while, that’s just what it’s going to have to take in my opinion.
Post # 20
You are not a failure or a bad mother. You are trying to make postivie changes. In my opinion, only failures or bad parents are people that see the situation as unhealthy but don’t take the necessary steps to get out. We all make mistakes or find ourselves in bad situations – it’s how we deal with them that makes all the difference.
Post # 21
You aren’t a failure if you realize the problem and work on getting out- don’t ever think that. Things WILL be OK- and like I said before, you never know WHO is around the corner. Cheesy the cliche but every cloud has a silver lining…. you just don’t know how much your silver will be until you make the step to move forward and leave the cloud behind. Good luck and keep us posted.
Post # 22
I’m trying to figure out why you want this guy at all–what you describe is not a very nice man.
Post # 23
From what I read you have realized your situation is not the best but you are scared to make the first move. You want to leave, but the area is too expensive and your daughter will have to go to a new school. I know it is not going to be easy for you, but you can do it. Start planning and saving up, talk to your daughter about moving. Your daughter is a teenager she might understand and be on board with leaving. I hope you find the strength and courage to execute your plans. I wish you well.
Post # 24
I hate to give advice on this sort of thing as well, but this is what I would do if it were me…
First of all, I would have a red flag if my SO kept wanting to separate stuff if we were engaged or even serious. We are all about sharing and making things “ours” not “his and mine”. The commitment phobia would be a problem if you were wanting to get married.
What happened in his past marriage to make him resent commitment so much?
Post # 25
So he asked for another chance to “prove” himself. He put me on his cell phone contract. However I have to pay for my “half” of the bill,so really is it even worth it???? He’s been extra complimentary and lovey so I hesitantly gave him another chance only to be really let down tonight. It’s my daughter’s bday and she has a friend over. They wanted to watch a movie on the big screen TV we have downstairs. My SO told her “NO” she couldn’t watch TV down there because HIS son(who’s 21) would be home soon. First of all his “son” has a TV in his own room! When I confronted my SO about this he said my daughter should ask his permission,uhhhhh permission to watch a TV,ARE YOU KIDDING ME???!!!! I’m so furious right now I want to scream! He also said that everything in that particular room was purchased by his son,which is not true at all! Needless to say he is downstairs as I write sleeping in the recliner with his son and I’m upstairs not getting a bit of sleep because I’m so upset. It just isn’t gonna end with this guy! How dare he inconvenience my daughter for his son on her birthday! Once again here we go with the dividedness. I’m supposed to leave for Key West on Thur and what I really wanna tell him is shove it.
Post # 26
It sounds like this guy has some serious issues. Especially concerning his money. He is not proving anything by putting you on his phone bill other than wanting to get a discount for a family plan. If his son isn’t even home why does he need to have the TV saved for him. Sounds like in his order of important things in life your not listing within the top two.
Post # 27
Just read your update…this guy sounds awful! Why are you with him?
Post # 29
As a former divorcee it is his responsibility to clean up and prepare himself emotionally for another relationship. Don’t excuse his behavior or commitment phobia from his divorce trauma.
And yes, I echo the sentiments of the previous posters. I think this guy is no bueno.
Post # 30
What are you doing with him? LEAVE. You’re setting a terrible example for your daughter at the moment, and I know you don’t want that! You don’t want her growing up and thinking it’s acceptable for people to treat her like a doormat.
I know this is hard. I’m a single mum too, and had to make a tough choice. Ended up living with my mum yeah 😉 Haha! The things we do eh?
You can do this. Be strong. Women have been fighting battles bigger than this for thousands of years and you can do this. Do the right thing for you and your daughter. Especially when she’s at such and impressionable age.
Changing schools or moving across the country isn’t as bad as a future full of men treating her and her mother like shit. And don’t forget to talk to her, she’s 13 and maybe you could talk to her?
Big hugs and kisses to you, and I’m sending you lots of strong thoughts. xoxox
Post # 31
I’m sorry, but you do need to leave. If you don’t agree w/99% of him then leave. You can find something. Yes it would suck to move your daughter but you have to look in the long run of things. Also, you say your a christian…remember the verse that states “Do not be UNYOKED”. Well if he’s not a christian then your unyoked. Listen to your heart and gut and what God is telling you to do…You are writing it all down already!
God has bigger and better things for you trust in that.