Post # 32
We have daughters almost the same age and I could tell you this- if a man ever treated my daughter like that, the relationship would be over so fast, his head would spin. NO MAN comes before ANY of my CHILDREN and no man would ever get the chance to treat my kids like that.
I do not understand why you aren’t making plans to leave. Saving money, looking for another place, reaching out to family and friends, etc. I am a person who doesn’t like it when someone “cries wolf”… yuo keep coming here to complain about him but you aren’t making any moves to get yourself and MORE IMPORTANTLY your child out of this situation. What are you really seeking?
Post # 33
My dear woman, why on earth do you want to marry this man?! I am baffled. I hope you will forgive my bluntness – move on with your life. Immediately, right now, today. He is saying exactly what you want to hear and you keep falling for it. A PP said it beautifully – it is his responsibility to prepare himself for future relationships and get rid of his baggage from old ones. Stop making excuses for this guy.
I have been in similar circumstances and my best friend had the guts to look me in the face and tell me she was ashamed of how I was letting my ex manipulate me, that I was stronger and smarter and had more self-respect than I was showing. Is this how you would like your daughter to be treated in her future relationships? Because you are teaching her that men are allowed to be disrespectful, abusive and selfish. Every day you stay, the lesson gets implanted a little more firmly.
Post # 34
Absolutely get out of there now! IThis is not someone who you want to marry. You’re going to be going through a marriage with the exact same problems. Quit giving him additional chances when all he does is screw them up. He’s doing this to you b/c you’re allowing it to happen. Move out, and don’t allow him to do anything to you anymore!
Post # 35
If you’re with this guy because you don’t feel you can do any better for yourself & your daughter, then counseling is definitely in order.
Post # 36
As a student in grad school for counseling doing my internship, this makes me nervous and afraid for your future if you stay with him. You are teaching him to mistreat you (and your daughter) emotionally every time you take him back or let him get away with something horrible. He’s learned he can give you half-hearted and empty promises and you’ll come back to him. Don’t let him have that power over you, you deserve much more than that!
Post # 37
@sunshine8: Please come back and let us know how you’re doing and what you’re doing to move onto brighter and happier places.
Post # 38
Oh my – you must get out. This will get even worse if you marry him. Trust me, I’ve been married before. You deserve SO much better and you are not a failure. He’s a failure at a committed relationship and in general a failure at being “decent” – these things are just mean.
Please check in and let us know if you are doing ok
Post # 39
This is too much.
1. Dutch dating is ridiculous.
2. I hate to break it to you but he is not seriously considering marrying you. 2015 is way too far away. Gimmie a break. He just said that to calm you down.
3. Life is too short to be miserable. Since you are engaged, request premarital counseling and if he says no or you can’t fix it, run.