(Closed) Just realized our timing is WAY off! and I'm angry!

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 4
2837 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

I know you aren’t looking for advice, but is delaying your career really that bad in the grand scheme of things? I think you’ll be better off saying, “Man, I wish I would have gotten that schooling done a year sooner,” than saying, “Man, I have no kids, and I’m 90, and I have regretted that decision for the past 50 years.” 

Post # 5
95 posts
Worker bee

Aww, I’m sorry. Guys just don’t seem to realise the idea that not only do we have timelines based on our feelings and opinions, but also on our biology. Eggs have an expiration date, and it’s hard to tell when exactly that will be.

Post # 6
37 posts
  • Wedding: September 2013

Your partner sounds like he doesn’t rush things, to put it mildly.

I agree with the poster above. If your partner would be willing and its at all financially do-able, you should consider having the baby during residency, and delaying your career a year. You’ve made it to the point where you will be a family doctor, delaying a year won’t change that and if they make you take a whole year off it would mean a bit more time with the baby.

I’m sure its a very frustrating situation you’re in. I’m not entirely happy with the career I’ve gone into, and its my second career already. I think I should have tried for medicine. The medical school in my hometown has a very different admissions policy so I’d have a chance. My big dilemma is – I’ve already been in school a long time, and I wouldn’t be able to start until 30 and don’t want to wait til 36 to have a baby. I think I’ve settled on trying to make this career path work, having a baby (or two) and re-evaluating my career later. I just know that medical school is tough enough for energetic young people, and question if I could do it when I’m older and have a family. I did read in a news bulletin from the med school in my hometown that one woman had 3 children while in med school. I can only assume she was incredibly lucky with uncomplicated pregnancies, took no time off outside the summers, and has a very supportive partner, but still it sounds impossible.

Post # 8
114 posts
Blushing bee

@DrMrsCol:  That would really frustrate me, too! Had you talked timelines earlier in your relationship? It seems like 7 years is a LONG time to be waiting, especially in your 30s! You have much more patience than I do! I would also be super-upset by him changing the timeline from this October to next Spring. Are you sure he is willing/able to commit? That would be my biggest fear – that he is delaying and postponing indefinitely, or because deep down he doesn’t actually want to get married. Have you had enough discussions with him that you’re sure about what he wants for his future?

Edited to say: I just re-read my post, and I’m sorry to sound so negative! Let me also add – my sister didn’t take a year off with her first child, but really really wished she had. So with her second child, she left her postition to take a year off with her baby. and she tells me that it is absolutely the best decision she’s ever made! If you can make ends meet without working for that year, I bet you’ll appreciate the time with your little one. Good luck!

Post # 10
975 posts
Busy bee

I think you wouldn’t have to delay everything by a year. A lot of the residents I worked with had babies, took time off, and just spent the time after their residency “graduation” making it up. For most, it was 1-3 months delay, and they still got to participate in all of the graduation activities with their residency class. Most family practitioners understand the importance of having a family, so I think thats even more flexible than if you were to do plastic surgery or something extremely competitive or strenuous.

Good luck with making your decisions – I know its really tough to balance working, a spouse, and the creation of a family!

Post # 11
257 posts
Helper bee

If you two decide to have a baby, at 65 he is at retiring age so could he just be a stay at home dad while you finish your practice? I don’t mean anything bad by this, but he will pass on well before you so wouldn’t it be nice to have something of him and you for the future?

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