(Closed) Just realized that I don’t really want a wedding

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

If he’s really into the big wedding and you’re ok with allowing it, I see absolutely no problem in handing over the planning to him. Maybe without the stress of having to plan it, you’ll start to get excited about it closer to the time.

Post # 4
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Aww…… I think your feelings are definetly natural.  Because in reality it is just 1 day and it is alot of money.  But I think you should take a week or two off…. no planning … no looking at ANY wedding stuff and try not to think about your wedding.  And if after that time you still feel the same way….. then have a sit down with your Fiance and tell him exactly how planning your wedding is making you feel.  I’m sure that he would rather have a happy City Hall bride opposed to a bridezilla for the next year and a half.

Everything will work out…. I just think you are looking at the wedding as a whole and not small increments.  If you decide to do the medium sized wedding, try to only think of one project at a time…. and since you have some time…. try to do one project a week.

Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@suburban: I second that week without planning.

I felt EXACTLY like you did. I really had invisioned a small 80 person wedding with just immediate family and close friends. I planned on have colour everywhere and thrifty finds. Well now I am having an 180 person wedding with a very formal feel. This is more of what Fi wanted.

At first I really hated it but now that I am getting closer to the date, I am starting to fall more in love with the idea.

I think do what you feel is right in your heart. Take some time away from the idea and return to it to see how you feel.

Post # 6
Member
2606 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

What would he think of a compromise?  You could get married privately with a marriage commissioner (you can’t get married at city hall in Canada, you have to hire your MC and they’ll meet you at whatever location you choose, but judges have nothing to do with it as they do in the USA).  All you’d need is 2 witnesses.  Then, you could host a cocktail reception afterwards (even a few days/weeks later) and skip a lot of things like limos, flowers, favours etc… and save a bit of cash.  Also, you could hire a photographer for just a couple of hours instead of the whole day, which also cuts down on the cost.

Post # 8
Member
986 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I completely hear you.  Its not really the size for me, but the demanding opinons from others.  I found my dress, I cried when I tried it on, only to be shredded by my sister.  My Mom has way too many opinions and since we are both over 40 and paying for it ourselves, I have to keep shutting everone down.  At this point, its already been such a battle that a few times, I have just said forget it and cancelled.  My fiance’s family are all travelling 2000 miles to come to the wedding and not one of them has said a peep.  Just my interferring family who is lucky enough to have it in their town.

Post # 9
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m in the same boat!  I would be more than happy going to the courthouse with just a few friends.  We’re really doing the wedding for our families, they are so excited!  I’m learning to let go of the little things- and as long as we stay within budget, I’m happy!

Post # 10
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

listen, maybe now it seems overwhelming, but you will enjoy it and the pictures too! 🙂  just plan something fun and relax, nothing too formal but if still you are not convince, go dress shopping, that usually does the trick! 🙂  enjoy yourself, it can take a lot but if you plan everything and do not wait until the last minute to do it, you will be fine!   also the fact that you invite 180, it doesnt mean that everyone is coming!   enjoy yourself…

Post # 11
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

i know how you feel!  at first i was excited to plan, but now its making me feel super crazy. i feel like i spend too much time on wedding stuff and its all this money for one day. i know its one big special day, but at times i cant help but feel depressed when i think about the finances and all the time invested too. it has been a big headache for me and Fiance too. i also wanted an intimate wedding as i have no family in the US but my immediate family….and we are inviting 100 guests, which are mostly his family and friends…but now i’m starting to worry that nobody will show up.  its complicated. but yes, i definitely try to take breaks from planning, but when i stop, i find myself unmotivated and tired or worried. And when i try to plan again, I feel stressed and like i’m going crazy and that things arent going to be what i want because i am trying to make the budget work etc. I think its best to take a mini vacation. FI and I havent gone anywhere in 2 years. I guess if you can do this, i would recommend that maybe you and Fiance should take a break to somewhere nice like a fancy dinner night with movies or a show or just something you love to do together so both of you can stop planning and worrying for a bit and just enjoy yourselves.

can you tell i’m going thru similar feelings? *sigh*

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