(Closed) Just received the ‘Can I bring my baby” email…. need hive opinions

posted 11 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
946 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I would let her bring the baby. Even though you want her and her husband to relax and be baby free, 4 months is still really young and maybe she knows that she wouldn’t be relaxed if she was worrying about her baby during the whole wedding. For a new mom, it’ll probably be more relaxing to have the baby with her, yet still be able to enjoy time with friends and celebrate with you!

Post # 18
Member
1211 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think the problem would be with the other guests with babies who left them at home. I ended up having two breastfeeding mothers show up with their kids (one brought a babysitter who stayed in the hotel room, thankfully) but I know that the four or so other guests who had babies under 5 months were a little annoyed. Honestly, if that were me I would just stay home. I’m due in March and going to a wedding in June and have NO intention of bringing my kid, and if he/she isn’t taking to the bottle or for some reason i can’t leave the baby-my ass is staying home. Why would I want to worry about a baby at an adult function with loud music and people drinking? I think it’s rude to ask to bring a child.

You are celebrating your marriage, not paying for everyone to have family night out.

Post # 19
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think this is the one time to put your needs and wants ahead of others. Yes, it might be more convenient for her if she is allowed to bring the baby, but you want a baby-free wedding. And you’re the bride, let’s not forget that! I dont’ think she should have put you in that position in the first place. And honestly from my experience, parents almost never do anything to quiet their screaming children in public settings and weddings are no exception. I would thank her for the email and say that unfortunately your wishes are for no babies at the ceremony or reception and you understand completely if this changes her plans.

Post # 20
Member
3930 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

i like the idea of having the baby at the reception only, but then again, i’m not a breastfeeding mother.

Post # 21
Member
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010 - Anela Garden Chapel & Japanese Cultural Center, Honolulu

mr. sew’s cousin brought her adorabllleee 3 month old to the wedding..and she stayed the whole night! i never heard a peep out of her either. i agree that it probably is more relaxing to the mother to have the baby with her…a crazy 4 year old she’d probably like a break from, but a newborn is different! I bet you wouldn’t even notice the baby was there, honestly. 🙂

BUT i could see how it could get out of hand if you have lots of others wanting to bring babies as well…

Post # 22
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

We had a couple just write on their response card that they were bringing their baby – I had a moment of “oh HELL no!” and then realized that it just wouldn’t be a big deal (plus they were from out of town).  And it was totally fine- I didn’t see or hear the baby the whole time, and there are a couple of really cute pics of people dancing and the dad holding the baby up so she can “see” it.  

You’re totally within your rights to tell her to leave the baby, but if it doesn’t really matter to you either way, then I’d say let her bring it.  I think this is a nice place to be gracious.

Post # 23
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

One of my FIs friends asked about it.

We said “If you can control them…you can bring them. No outbursts during the ceremony please.”

Post # 24
Member
1511 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden

Hmmmmm…. I’m going to go with DON’T let her bring the baby. It won’t be fair to anyone else who wanted to bring their kids. But, if you tell her no, and she decides not to attend, you shouldn’t get mad. It’s her prerogative. And she shouldn’t get mad for you refusing to let her bring the baby.

 

Post # 25
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I may be unpopular with this response as well, but hey, at least I’m honest. Your friend said she promised the baby would be “quiet during the ceremony.” Just how is she going to do this may I ask? Pop some NyQuil in the kid and hope for the best?! My point being is that babies cry and can be loud at times, which is why they are babies, perfectly understandable. You want all eyes on you as you are walking down the aisle, not the crying baby.

This is YOUR wedding, and it is THIS mothers choice to breastfeed, it’s a decision she made for herself! I say go with your gut and let her find childcare, or let her stay home. Sorry to sound harsh, but if you are paying for this wedding then it is your choice and you should have things the way YOU want them.

 

I hope this helps. Sorry to sound rude…I am furiously typing and trying to leave my office all at one! 🙂

Post # 26
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2009

We had the same thing at our wedding.  One friend was breast feeding and either we said okay to the baby or the friend couldn’t come.  We said okay and it was SO not a big deal.  In fact it kind of brought something special to the day to have that one perfect little baby there!

Post # 27
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Hmm.. I mean, no one can watch the baby for her? I mean I don’t have kids so I don’t know for sure how I would feel, but I don’t think I’d ever want to step on anyone’s toes especially at an event as important as a wedding and try to force my little one onto the guest list. That’s a big deal to have a baby there and it could work out really well or not. Plus you run the risk of offending others who weren’t allowed to bring their kids.

Post # 28
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

If you make an exception for one, you should make it for everyone.  One child there, and someone else’s child couldn’t attend, you’re going to tick people off.  I don’t care if the mother is breastfeeding or not … someone’s going to be peaved that their child couldn’t attend.

Post # 29
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Wouldn’t a breast feeding baby have a rough time at a wedding with adults drinking and having a good time?

My vote is to kindly decline. You already didn’t invite your cousin’s 8 year old and sounds like your family is upset over it, and they’ll probably get more upset if you let your friend take a baby.

Post # 30
Member
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I say let her. I think an exception can be made for a baby that young which is still exclusively breastfeeding. I presume when the mother says the baby will be quiet, she means she will take it out if it starts to fuss at a bad time. If she feeds it right before the ceremony, it will probably sleep through the whole thing. And as regards the reception, small babies like that can sleep through a remarkable racket, and if not, I’m sure she’ll just leave early. A 4-month-old is going to be almost unnoticeable … as opposed to an energetic toddler or older child.

Post # 31
Member
622 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Where will the baby be during the reception? I don’t understand how she is going to have “more fun” with the baby there. She will have to sit at the table and hold the baby the whole time, won’t she? It’s not like the baby can sit in a chair on its own.

I appreciate the predicament you are in (and I think it is nice that you are trying to be nice and accommodate your friend), but I don’t think it’s fair to the other people who you said aren’t allowed to bring their babies/kids. No kids means no kids. I think you are setting yourself up for an issue with the people who are respecting your wishes by not bringing their kids. I think those parents are gonna be pissed off at you once they see that an exception was made for your friend.

Also, I don’t think it’s fair to the other guests who will be seated at the table with your friend and her baby. I went to a wedding a few months ago, where there was ONE baby there- you would think, no big deal, and it was the Groom’s sister’s baby. They set up a pack ‘n play right next to our table where they put the baby. He screamed and cried all night while people periodically stopped by in an “effort” to calm him. It was really rude to do that to everyone at our table- especially for the couples who left their babies at home with a sitter- to then have to sit there at the reception and watch someone else’s kid scream and cry.

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