(Closed) Just received the ‘Can I bring my baby” email…. need hive opinions

posted 11 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
3793 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

@Monkeygirl:  That sounds like a very atypical thing for a parent to do.  We babywear our 3 month old a lot, so I’d probably just put her in her babywearing and go out on the dancefloor and dance.  She’d love it (and then she’d sleep)!

To those who say this baby should stay with a sitter, please understand that isn’t really an option for babies who won’t take a bottle.  I’d get 3-4 hours before I’d need to be home again to feed.  This is a baby who won’t eat if it’s not directly from mom!

Post # 33
440 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I was one of the strict “no kids” posters before my wedding and then a close friend added her baby’s name to the reply card.  I almost called and emailed her of few times before the wedding, but I just couldn’t do it!  It felt too wrong.  I figured just letting the baby come was easier than the alternative.  She brought the baby…I never heard it cry.  And then she called her mom to pick the baby up after dinner so she and her husband could dance a little.  It worked out fine and our relationship was not strained which is good.

That said…I think it’s definitely easier to talk about when the mom starts the conversation, which she did for you.  If you really care strongly either way, she’s given you permission…

Post # 34
1211 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would just like to add this-Here is a scene from a wedding I went to last year. I’m wearing my Betsey Johnson dress, drinking a martini and trying to enjoy my dinner and there is a 3  month old baby spitting up across from me. The mom and dad were getting up and down, she’s wipping out her boob, there was baby crap over the beautiful table. I thought this was rude to the other guests who were sitting there. So if you do decide that baby can come, make sure you sit them with people who like kids. This mother did not have fun, she barely ate dinner, had one sip of wine, and they left before cake. I don’t see why this made more sense than staying home.

Post # 35
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Hi Oracle!

The exact same situation happened to me at my wedding. It was with my Maid/Matron of Honor, and her son, who was 6 months old and still breastfeeding every 3-4 hours. She emailed me one month before asking if she could bring her son to the ceremony and reception. However, she did not offer to find childcare. At first, I was really mad, because she had a childfree wedding, and I felt I deserved the same thing. I even assisted her to make other arrangments so she could still feed her son, but not have him at the ceremony. But in retrospect, I felt bad about it. It’s really hard to be a breastfeeding mom. He ended up coming to the reception, and he was fine – well-behaved and quiet. But I still put my foot down at the ceremony, because a mother just can’t guarantee her baby won’t cry and our ceremony was very short (20 min). It worked out in my situation, but I just wanted to let you know there may be options out there!

Post # 36
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I am right there with you.  I have a friend that has told me that although I said “no kids”, she is bringing her 3 year old daughter. I get so upset every time I think about it.  I think you have a better chance of 4 month old being no problem then I do with a 3 year old, however you will have other guests peeved when they get to the wedding that they were told explicitly they could not bring kids to and see a baby. I would tell her unfortunately that due to the line you had to draw in the sand with the other kids, it would not be right to make an exception, however be prepared for her not to come or come very briefly.

Post # 37
5166 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

personally if i invite someone to my wedding who has recently had a baby i assume she will bring her baby and also assume she will have the good sense to choose a seat that has easy access to the exit incase she needs to change/feed her baby. i would never think to ask her to leave a baby under the age of 2 with a sitter just for my wedding. 

Post # 38
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Ohh this situation tears at two sides of me…the bride and the worker. As a bride, i would encourage you to do whats best for your wedding…because it is your day…however, th social worker in me ( i work with pregnant moms and thier babies for a living) wants you to say yes. Its because she is breastfeeding…and like some posters have mentioned, she may not take well to the bottle and it can be very difficult. ome babies get confused going back and forth between the bottle and the breast. however, if you do allow the baby to attend, you are likely to catch fdlack from other people in the wedding who werent allowed to bring their children….tough situation. I feel like to be fair you should ask her to get a sitter so as not to offend your other guests…but honestly if this were my wedding, the social worker in me would have won and i would say to let her bring little baby (breastfeeding is best and incidences like not being able to go out or into certain environments is one of the main reasons women DONT breastfeed)


Post # 39
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Tell her “no” and the only kids will be the ones from the family. Make your email very nice, and stick to your guns.  She is rude for asking to bring the baby, no matter how nicely she asked. I had this experience and said to the person, “I don’t want any kids at the wedding, but unfortunately, Fiance is insisting his 8 neices and nephews come, so they will be the only kids there.”

Post # 40
75 posts
Worker bee

I agree with Mrs Sewing! Newborns are actually way easier to care for than toddlers at weddings.

Post # 41
575 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I didn’t read all the PPs but I think it would be so much appreciated by your friend if you said ‘ok’ – I had a couple infants at my wedding (the only other children were my niece and 2 nephews) and it was wonderful to have them there – when they’re all grown up I’ll always know they were at my wedding (they’re the children of VERY dear friends).  It will mean a lot to your friend and as long as they don’t let the baby disrupt the ceremony I think it’s okay but  ultimately you have to be comfortable with your decision!  Good luck!

Post # 42
265 posts
Helper bee

The last wedding I went to had no babies or children at the wedding, but then they came out later for the reception. I thought it was a good compromise because the part where you don’t want them screaming is during the wedding.

Post # 43
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Having a child was a choice and responsibility she and her significant other made and took on… not you.  Why should you bear the grunt of having to accommodate other peoples children when what you want is a child free wedding function?

Breastfeeding moms pump and freeze their milk all the time routinely and have a pretty good supply in stock and on hand.  Plenty of moms do it who have their children watched by others/daycare centers.  Also, this helps facilitate feeding child via husband, so mom can continue to sleep during late evening hours.

I find it hard to believe that one single individual day of bottle feeding breast milk is going to mess this child up with nipple confusion.  Now switching back and forth day in and day out for the next couple of weeks /months can definitely contribute to this…..but one single day??? Not sure.  Isn’t the whole point of breastfeeding anyway, to get the benefits of immunity etc….I never heard of a real nipple tissue pro breastfeeding argument.  Now it does facilitate bonding, but thats a whole different discussion.

I think parents really need to have a backup babysitter plan in effect at all times.  Personally,  I would not want to bring my child to a wedding.  I would not enjoy myself.  But then again, if it meant that much to me, i would probably  spend the day home and let my spouse go if I could not part with my child.

Childless people have to deal with other peoples children at restaurants, public places…..and gheeze, cant remember when I last saw a movie in the theater without an obnoxious child screaming, whining, crying, roaming the aisles, and chewing their popcorn like pigs.  I really dont even go to the movies anymore, I invested in a home theatre room and I can actually watch all the movies I want without any interruptions.  

I wont even go into the whole airplane, in flight drama related to other peoples kids.

You are shelling a lot of big bucks to enjoy your the one day in your life that supposed to be your day.  If you dont wants kids, not allow them.

They’ll get over it.


Post # 44
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think an “Honestly, if you wouldn’t mind parting with the baby for a few hours to come, that would be our preference,” is a very tactful way of putting it. 

Post # 45
1957 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I’m all for people having kid free weddings.  Mine only exception is if a guest still has a baby that is still “attached” aka…breast feeding.  That’s the only time I feel like the bride & groom should make an exception.

Post # 46
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

I would reply telling her you understand the need to feed the baby – make sure you have a babysitter so we can get some good dancing time in, etc.  She obviously knows you may have an issue with it, so I think it seems she would be receptive to any/all suggestions you have.

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