(Closed) Just saying NO to a request to bring a date

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think it’s an awkward situation for people if they don’t know anyone at the wedding. But if they do, then it’s fine.

The way I handled this was by saying “Im sorry but right now we can’t allow any plus 1s because our venue/budget doesnt allow it. But if someone rsvp’s no, I will be sure to tell you so you can bring someone”

Just saying “no” may kind of sound harsh tho. 

Post # 5
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Ohhh…just say no…ours turned into a snowball effect, it’s awful.

Post # 6
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@ejones1216: If your friendship does not survive because she cannot brign a date, it wasnt that strong of a friendship to begin with. I would tell her in the nicest way possible that due to budget constraints you would love for her to be able to come, but you are not able to accomodate her date.

Post # 7
Member
1602 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t understand why people feel obligated to bring an extra person.

My Mother-In-Law is doing our phone RSVP’s, and she has been letting everyone bring a guest – my cousin is bringing a boyfriend we didn’t even know she had, and my parents friends are bringing their two kids who I had decided didn’t need to come.

I would’ve said no, but my Mother-In-Law doesn’t seem to comprehend that idea.

Post # 8
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I agree, just explain to her the snowball effect. If she’s working on reconciliation though and is planning to bring her husband, I think she kind of deserves a +1 seeing as she is married.

Post # 9
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I am glad you posted this!!! We are trying to stay on a tight budget and feel that our guest list could double if all our guests decided to bring a date.

We are not sure how to handle letting our single guests know, that we would like for them not to bring a guest, so I am really looking forward to hearing what everyone has to say.

Post # 10
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee

A line that everyone on this site needs to memorize is “I’m sorry, but that won’t be possible”.  You are not required to give a reason (and I find giving a reason just invites more problems).  She is being rude to ask and question your guest list.  Be polite but firm.

 

Post # 11
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

Eh, I don’t know.  I always think you should give your guest an option of bringing a date (not their kids, family, etc. Just 1 guest). For budget reasons we are keeping our guest list small, and this includes a +1 for everyone.

Post # 12
Member
3375 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’ve been on the other side of this and have been upset when I haven’t been allowed a date. The absolute rule is married, engaged or living together, but I think if someone has been dating for 6 months or more they should get a guest too.

Can you trim money elsewhere? I wasn’t invited to a wedding once when Fiance and I had been dating for almost 3 years and were on the verge of getting engaged. It hurt.

Post # 14
Member
273 posts
Helper bee

I know this post is a month old, and I am sure you have already responded to her BUT I just wanted to let you know that I absolutely agree with you- she is in the wrong for expecting that she should be entitled to bring a date.

I was on the other end of this a few years ago, when I had been dating my boyfriend for only 4 months. I was a bridesmaid in my best friends wedding of FOUR HUNDRED people! I would have never thought to ask if I could bring a date when I was only dating him for 4 months! Money is definitely not an issue for her family either but it is just rude to make a special request for her to accomodate someone that she barely even knew, and that might be out the door in a month or two!

Post # 16
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I don’t know the whole situation but I think you are being a little harsh on her in your last post.  It is quite possible she is uncomfortable going to a wedding single.  There are many moments at a wedding than can be awkward and uncomfortable for a single.  That doesn’t make her selfish or rude if that is the case. 

The topic ‘Just saying NO to a request to bring a date’ is closed to new replies.

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