Post # 1
I need your advice, ladies. (and a hug)
Right now I’m feeling so sad and angry. I also feel guilty because I think I shouldn’t feel that way.
I just don’t know what to do or think or feel…
Due to limited budget we agreed on both of us inviting only 10 friends. Those married, engaged or in a (very)long-term relationship should also be able to bring their partners. Now all of my friends except two canceled.
Today one of my friends who really wanted to come told me they couldn’t make it because her mother and brother from vietnam will be visiting and they mistook the date and the day of the wedding is their departure date. Even worse, her husband is our photographer!
Well, all of my friends have good reasons why they thought they could make it when I first told them the date, but after they got their invitation (it’s common over here to send them month in advance) they realized they couldn’t make it. So, I guess its ok to feel a little abandoned…
I just realized I don’t have much close friends, and those I considered close don’t really care about me. When I started my PhD most of my friends moved away starting a “real” job somewhere else and I kind of failed making new ones. I’m still in contact with them, we talk and chat, send emails and comment on each others facebook statuses, but maybe thats just not enough? Or I am an awful person and no one wants to be friends with me and I just don’t get it?
What makes this worse is that I’m kind of jealous at Fiance and his friends. They are all attending. Most of them asked if they could bring a +1 and as we do have the space now (as my friends won’t attend) it’s hard to say no. so there will be 2 of my friends and like 20 of his.
So telling him that I think this is unfair and I don’t like how this is going… does that make me a bad person? What really makes me an even worse person was bringing up that my parents will be paying for the wedding and that I don’t want them to pay for his friends and their +1 that we don’t even know.
Fiance said he understands. He does feel kind of sorry for me that my girls won’t come. But theres nothing we can do about that.
I know the most important thing is that we do love each other and that we will get married and that it doesn’t matter who will be there and who won’t, but still… I feel so sad… and angry…
And I feel like his friends girlfriends will laugh at me for having no friends. They already don’t like me because we’re getting married and they don’t. (most of my friends are married, Fiance has no married friends…)
Am I overreacting? Is this normal and I’m just creating drama and I should calm down? Or is it ok to feel so wounded and alone and sad and angry? Is there anything that I could do?
Post # 3
Aww ((((HUGS))) I totally know how you feel. I too went through wondering whats wrong with me since it seems I never made any new friends and the old ones I have are dwindling due to differences. And I also feel embarrassed at the my friends to his friends ratio. Me:2 Him:15+ No youre not an awful person, we just get busy, and meeting friends is not so easy when your not in highschool anymore. I don’t know about feeling like it’s not fair to let him have his, besides, you’ve been busy at school and whatever other reasons. Theyre not going to judge you the way that you think. Hang in there.
Post # 4
@cuddleBee: (((HUGS))) I’m sorry girl, that is rough.
I’m kind of the same way – we live in DHs old neighborhood where he grew up and he has tons of people he knows from high school and college who live in the area. I on the other hand moved around a lot as a kid so I my friends are scattered all over the place – it’s difficult to get everyone in one place. Can they at least make it to your bridal shower or bachelorette party?
Post # 5
Oh honey! I am sorry you are going through this! You have awhile before the wedding, people may have plans change last minute and actually be able to attend. We are in a similar boat in that my Fiance has a ton of people coming but I don’t.
I don’t have many friends, and while there are times that I feel upset about it (especially surrounding the wedding) for the most part I have found comfort knowing that the small group of people that will be there are my closest friends. (People we call our friendamily!)
Don’t worry so much about what his friends will think! Try to initiate friendships with them as well (even their signifigant others)… there must be some common ground. 🙂 It isn’t the same, I know, but it may fill the void a bit. My FI’s friend has the most wonderful wife and I am SO glad that we have become friends! Had they not introduced us I would be missing so much! I guess that is the point, you never know where you will find a good friend! 😀
***BIG OL’ GIANT HUGS FOR YOU***
Post # 6
Well, it’s your wedding and you want to have a good time. There is nothing you can do to change the situation. It is out of your control. I would not take it personally. A lot of ladies, myself included, do not have a lot of close friends. That is okay. It happens as we get older. I am in a new career and am making new friends that I have more in common with now.
If it were me, I would not make Fiance feel bad because his friends want to come. They are his friends and they surely care about him. This day is important to him too. :))
I think it’s okay to have a pitty party for a night or two, but it would probably be a good idea to start looking at the positive in this. Be happy that you are marrying your true love. Be happy that some people are coming to your wedding. If you have the room, and it’s in your budget, maybe you should let them bring their SO’s. Nobody should make fun of you on your wedding day. That would be mean and ridiculous. Be a great host to them and hold your head high.
Be positive and don’t lost focus on what the big day is about and what it really means to you. It’s not a popularity contest. Celebrate w/your Fiance and his friends, and make it the most memorable day ever.
Post # 7
Maybe you could all go (FI’s friends and their SO’s) out to dinner and have some drinks or something one night before the wedding? Maybe to break the ice a little more? The girls will most likely ask you about wedding planning so you will have lots to talk about.
Post # 9
Sending Hugs your way! It’s a sucky situation but don’t let it get you down. Your wedding is going to be great and while you may be a bit sad that your friends couldn’t be there, you’ll still have a great time. Maybe some of the +1s will turn out to be great, cool people! It’s okay to be sad for a bit but then it’s time to start getting excited about your wedding!
Post # 10
You aren’t the only one! Like you, I am not close to a lot of people and it’s something that I have had to learn to be OK with. I would also imagine with you starting your PhD time is a major factor, as it is with me having a child and most of my friends don’t.
I also worry about what others think, so you aren’t alone there either! I think weddings bring out all these feelings and insecurities we have, and I think it’s perfectly normal. In fact, I really wanted a Destination Wedding at first where it would just be us and our parents so we could concentrate on what the day was really about but at the same time, he is so close to his extended family so it would be hard not to include them. I only invited my parents and aunts and uncles because my extended family is so large and it’s my second wedding. My invite list is is literally 1/4 of his.
What has helped me is knowing the ones I NEED there, my parents, will be there. I know it’s rough, hang in there and concentrate on the two of you and what it means.
Post # 11
@cuddleBee: I think you’re feeling overly sensitive–eventually his friends will become your friends anyway, right? No one is going to be laughing at you!
Although it was quite a low blow to bring up your parents paying for ‘his friends’ –that’s not right, this wedding is for the both of you