(Closed) just turned 33 and …

posted 7 years ago in 30 Something
Post # 3
Member
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Oh my. I would be very unhappy with that as well. I can understand a promise ring when you are very young and not in a position or mind set to get married – but one at 33?! I don’t think so. Have you talked to your boyfriend about what his intentions are?

Post # 4
Member
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

nope, you’re not crazy at all!  33 is an insane age to get a promise ring – obviously i’m not saying your old (i’m 33 as well!) but he either needs to man up and get you an engagement ring or tell you he won’t commit. definitely talk to him.  or just propose to him yourself! i had to have some difficult conversations with my Fiance before we got engaged, in his mind he had a ‘5 year plan’ but that would have meant i would be 38 before we even got engaged!! when i pointed out to him how insane this was to me (as it would mean our first child would be born at age 40 at the earliest) he had a rethink. it was a difficult time in our relationship for a while because we were working to different timelines for a long time. but it really did work out, we had some really good conversations and now we are buying a house and getting married next year.  so it can be done!  it’s probably just that he hasn’t really thought things through about your age and stuff.  good luck!

Post # 6
Member
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@not so troubled in paradise: and words of advice – don’t do what i did and cry hysterically every time you talk about it!!!  if i could go back now to the first few conversations i had with him about it, my god, I was a total emotional wreck. it was only when i could sit and really calmly explain in practical terms why it was a bad idea to wait so long that I got my point across. Sitting there sobbing saying ‘oh my god, i can’t believe I’m 32 and not engaged’ really didn’t work at all! It just made him switch off and think ‘oh shit, she’s crying again’.  

but when we did talk it turned out that he really honestly just hadn’t thought about things, hadn’t taken my biological clock into account, hadn’t thought about the fact that most weddings take well over a year to plan, didn’t realise that i wanted a long engagement, didn’t think about how if you wait until after you’re married to try and conceive then that’s actually another year at least before a baby arrives, etc.  So it wasn’t that he didn’t want to, he’s always ‘known’ he had a future with me, he just didn’t think things through.  that’s probably what your guy is doing.  it’s hard and it was really nervous the first time i brought it up but remember it’s about your life together.  and it’s really unfair that women are expect to just sit around and wait and hope for the guy to be ‘ready’.  it really pisses me off!  i ended up having to give him a deadline to propose by to show him how serious i was but it totally worked!! you’ll be fine, if he loves you and wants to be with you, which it sounds like he does, he just needs a little reminder that you won’t wait around indefinitely…

Post # 7
Member
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

You are not crazy I too would be a little disappointed. If it marriage means somthing to you, and obvioulsy it does, I would talk to him about it. Try to get a feel for the subject. Ask him if he has the desire to ever get married. Im sorry you are feeling like this, but I dont think any of this is your fault. You said like you have lived with him for x amount of years and bought a condo etc. That is you guys living. I wouldnt blame yourself. You guys just need to have some convorsation about this subject. 

Post # 8
Member
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

There is nothing wrong with sitting down and having a rational conversation about your lifegoals and timeline, and listening to his. Is there a rational reason why he is not ready for marriage? Is marriage even something he wants? Does he know the value you place on it? Can you articulate to him why marriage matters to you? Talk, calmly, and see what you two can learn from one another. Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
2548 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Some people don’t belive in marriage, and see it as unnecessary. Have you talked to your boyfriend about marriage, and how you hope to one day be married?

Post # 10
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I conpletely understand. And it’s not your fault, except I know  what you mean. I only moved in with my boyfriend at the time under the affirmation that we would be engaged soon. He knew I was adamant about this. He proposed shortly after and now we are married.

Can you not simply tell him how you feel? In black and white? There can’t be  any shades of gray here when it’s this important to you. I am 38 by the way.

Post # 11
Member
5498 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I understeand how you feel…I got a promise ring when I was 18 from my now Darling Husband. Have you talked with your SO about how it made you feel?

Post # 13
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@not so troubled in paradise: Awww, wooh-hoo!! So are you going to wear your promise ring as an ering or is he still going to officially propose?

Post # 14
Member
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

Yay that is exciting. Im glad that you talked to him!!

Post # 15
Member
417 posts
Helper bee

Thats great he was so understanding and expressed those feelings!! Very happy for you!!

Post # 16
Member
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

cool!  it all worked out – yippeee! and yes, tell us more – when is the ‘real’ ring going to happen?!

The topic ‘just turned 33 and …’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors