(Closed) Just waited too long?

posted 13 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
34 posts
Newbee

Hello!

I feel like I’m in the same boat too. I’m 31 and not even dating! MOst of my friends are married and now thinking about children and my best friend, the last of which is getting married in August.

As others have said, I suppose that marrying later, you already know yourself and more importantly you know what you want…you’ve "lived" life. (that’s not to mean that women who married younger haven’t either)

 I have to admit, I do feel jealous about it sometimes. I wish I could be planning my wedding. Ironically WB is one of my favorite websites! Hey at least, I’m gathering good ideas for when it is FINALLY my turn!

 

Post # 18
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

not by yourself hun. despite the fact that only one of my bms is married with children, I get the distinct feeling that my wedding is not priority of any of my friends.

i’ve been battling sadness about this thruout my planning process….its a mix match of expectations and reality. you see on tv and online the giggling gaggle of girlfriends who are sooo excited that their friend is getting married.

not the case for me……and i would consider myself a young bride (26).

i dont think you’ve waited too long either. i think for some of us, our friends and families just have other top concerns.

somehow, we have to let it go…..

Post # 19
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

There never is a "right" time – those who go early end up with potentially unprepared wedding parties or guests who may not know the ropes.  Those that wait have the benefit of experience, but may have social circles who are a little further along.   It is all part of the joy and frustration of life.

For you, there’s a bunch you can’t control, but you can sit down individually with members of your wedding party who haven’t stepped up or who are bowing out and let them know how you feel – as non-guilt-trippy and non-emotionally as you can.  They may not realize how their actions impact you or, in the excitement/exhaustion of new motherhood, have forgotten what it feels like to be a bride. 

It sounds as if you have gone out of your way to make things work and to be accmmodating – after having a talk with your peeps, try your best to let it go and focus on those that are there for you. 

Good luck! 

Post # 20
Member
1485 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Okay, I’m 43 and Fiance is 50.  Most of his friends have teen-aged kids, and are busy this summer getting them ready to go off to college.  A lot of my friends have younger kids (some very young – several 3 and 4 year olds) and my sister’s baby will be one year old on our wedding day.  I know that most of our friends have kid concerns, and money concerns – try getting ready to pay college tuition, as compared to the expense of just getting a babysitter for the weekend.  But most of our friends are really excited for us, and very few (two, to be exact) have begged off the wedding altogether for child related issues.  Both of them have four under the age of 10, and would have to travel for the wedding, so I totally understand.  Everybody else is bringing the kids, or leaving them with the grandparents, or whatever – but nobody has implied that they aren’t super excited for us, even with all the other things going on in their lives.

I’m sorry that your friends aren’t as supportive – frankly it sounds to me as if they are more than a little self-centered.  However, getting married late is in no way "missing the boat".  For me, it means that I have done things and travelled places that most of my girlfriends only dreamed of, and I have a great career and make more money than a lot of my girlfriends’ husbands.  And not only do I have some really great friends, I have a wonderful Fiance, and am looking forward to a lot of fantastic years with him.  I don’t think that I missed out on anything.  And I’m sure that you didn’t either – it just seems that way at the moment because your friends are a bit too preoccupied with other things. 

Post # 21
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

it’s not easy on the other end either – we got married six weeks ago and are both 21. while our friends/family were thrilled for us, we are the first wedding of our group/family, so there was a lot of "um… what do we do at/with/for a wedding?!?" not to mention we got married a week after finals ended at our university – everyone was stressed out! i ended up taking on a lot of the planning myself, simply because no one else really knew what to do. can’t blame them – how would they know?

would we rather have waited until everyone else was getting married, three or four years from now? nope. while getting married at a younger or older age than normal has its challenges, i wouldn’t trade being married with the guy i love for the right time. and i’m willing to bet you wouldn’t trade marrying the perfect guy now for a less perfect guy five years ago. 🙂 hang in there!

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