(Closed) “Just waiting on the ring” vs “ring doesn’t make the engagement.”

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I’m with you.  It’s not the formal proposal or ring that makes you engaged.  IMO, if two people have agreed to get married and are actively planning a wedding, they are engaged.  End of story.

 

Post # 4
Member
2143 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I think if people want to wait until they have a ring to “be engaged” that’s their business but it’s totally unnecessary and causes a lot of undue anxiety from waiting. I’d much rather be (and am) engaged without a ring than be unengaged because we don’t have a piece of jewelry yet. I think it actually takes some of the pressure off to do it as different steps, so the proprosal can be a surprise but the couple can still pick a ring together to suit their tastes.

Post # 5
Member
3624 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I pretty much agree with you, but I’m also a strong believer in sex before marriage, so I feel like that probably made you move much faster than otherwise. A long engagement helps you save money, find deals, do projects, etc., so I see why it’s appealing to a lot of people.

Post # 6
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee

I think that peer pressure probably has a lot to do with it. I must say I’m bad at getting excited at seeing friend’s rings when I hear that they have gotten engaged – though if they said they didn’t have one, I’m sure I would get just as excited about the proposal story.

I would be more than happy to get engaged without a ring, and I completely agree that if both parties want to be engaged … then they are engaged!

Post # 7
Member
3942 posts
Honey bee

@sweetpea87:  Eh, I don’t know. To us, the ring was a sign of our engagement. Every realtionship is different though.

Post # 8
Member
9887 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree, philosophically, that people are engaged once they agree to marry.  However, for some reason in my case I didn’t “feel engaged” until I got my ring.  He had mentioned marriage a few times and even jokingly asked how I felt about becoming “Mrs. C.”  I told him of course I want to marry him, but it’s not “official” until the ring.  Haha!  I hope that doesn’t sound bad!  I knew we were going to get married but until he kneeled down, offered the ring and said those magic words I didn’t feel engaged.  Now I do. 

Post # 10
Member
1595 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think that a lot of it has to do with the fact that “buying the ring” back in the day meant that a man was willing to spend XX amount of dollars on committing himself to you. Without the ring, there is no investment and therefore he “aint” that serious—it may be an older way of thinking but is still an inherent thought amongst alot of people.

Post # 11
Member
9887 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@sweetpea87:  He asked you to marry him and you accepted – you’re definitely engaged, even without a ring.  Honestly, if my Fiance couldn’t have afforded a ring I would have still said YES, I love you and will marry you, and we would still be engaged.  It’s not about the ring at all, it’s about the love.  Best of all to you!

Post # 12
Member
10287 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

To some, an engagement isn’t “real” until a ring is involved. I have many family members with this mentality. While I don’t necessarilly think that there needs to be a ring in order for their to be an engagement, it’s something that I wanted and something that Darling Husband wasn’t willing to compromise on. I think a lot of it has to do with the guys ego. Not being able to provide his bride with the symbol of their commitment isn’t an option for some men. 

Post # 13
Member
1508 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

The symbol is very important to me personally. I have been proposed to twice in the past, both without rings…and I feel like without that symbol, the proposal can turn out to be just words (not always, but in my case it did, twice!). To me the ring not only symbolizes my man’s intentions to make me his wife, but it’s also a symbol of a sacrifice he had to make (however big or small) to have my hand in marriage. He’s giving up something of value (money) to prove his love. When I say prove, I just mean in the traditional sense….not in the demanding “prove it!” sense.

Now my SO would never propose without a ring (it’s probably a pride thing), but I also know him well enough to know that having to go through the process of purchasing a ring will force him to think the decision all the way through, and be more conscious of the next stage in the engagement. He is just the type of person who needs something tangible to work toward, and I don’t mean the wedding 🙂

Lastly, and I may be shallow for this, but I want other people to know I’m engaged just by looking.

Now with all of that being said, if my SO for some reason felt strongly about getting engaged but didn’t have a ring, I would still say yes. I trust him not to do what others have done in the past.

Post # 14
Member
1405 posts
Bumble bee

@Reign14:  I agree 100%.  It is just words without a ring.  Eh, they can change their minds if they feel like it.

Post # 15
Member
10287 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Sunflower–girl: Just because there’s a ring in the equation doesn’t mean that either party can’t change their minds. It happens all the time. I can’t tell you how many Judge Judys I’ve seen where ex’s are fighting over the engagement ring. 

Post # 16
Member
9482 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

Engaged = when two people commit to and agree on marriage.

Ring = big plus.

The topic ‘“Just waiting on the ring” vs “ring doesn’t make the engagement.”’ is closed to new replies.

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