(Closed) Just want to cry!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Do you pay for his stuff so that he will do errands for you? He’s probably not connecting the two. Is that church against his belief system? Just tell your Future Mother-In-Law you couldn’t get off of work. How about going to a different service? Most Christian churches have Sunday morning as well as Friday night and Saturday night. In the future, don’t promise to do something with them until you know you can take off of work. It shouldn’t necessarily be your FI’s job to fulfill your promises, but that you’re connecting this to you giving him money means that there is a deeper problem here. I recommend you both read The Five Love Languages. 

 

Post # 5
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

He shouldn’t have agreed to take them if he didn’t plan to. In that sense, he’s breaking a promise to you. Or perhaps he’s against taking the children to church for other reasons. 

Either way, your paying for his things shouldn’t factor into the equation. That’s an entirely separate discussion. It’s not a payment for services. 

Post # 6
Member
674 posts
Busy bee

I see a bigger problem here than just today.  It’s not that he’s unwilling to do things for you, he’s not even willing to do it for the kids.  I’m sorry, but as a parent, you suck it up and do a lot of things you don’t “want” to do for kids.  Hell, even as an adult, you do things for your parents that otherwise might not “want” to do.  As his future bride, he should also be doing things for you whether he really wants to or not.  That doesn’t mean sacrificing your own desires for other people all the time, it’s just called life and not being a terribly selfish person.

I don’t think OP was directly connecting that she spends money on him in order to have errands run.  I read that as an example of a sacrifice made for him regardless of what she really wanted to do with the money.  Take the co-signing of a loan, that’s putting yourself out there for someone for years, while it may not be a direct give and take, I do see a connection to someone being unwilling to give up even a simple morning routine for the sake of children and family.

While I can understand being upset, I think if you’re going to bring this up, you need to make a list for yourself.  Sit down and think about the times he has asked you to contribute resources (financial, emotional, time, all types) to something he wanted.  Do the same for the kids on their behalf.  Did they have to miss something or an opportunity because of something he would rather do?  That counts as a sacrifice on their part for him – and that does happen!  It’s not inherently a bad thing.  But, when you think about these things, make sure and think about the times that you and the kids have each asked of him.  In other words, before you say anything you might regret, really think about if he’s giving as well as taking in his relationships with you and the kids.  Thinking about it deeply may give you a better idea on how to approach the situation.

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