(Closed) Just want to hide under the covers… vent

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

Are the two of you paying for it? If so, then your mom doesn’t really have a say in what ring you choose! If that’s the one you want, and it’s the one your Fiance wants to buy you, then go for it!

Post # 4
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

My mom has been like that too. She keeps telling me that everything I am getting is great for other people and cutting down the nice things I want saying “it isn’t going to work” or ” you can’t do that” or even so much as “Don’t get your hopes up on alot of people coming. I doubt even half will show”… at first it was really upsetting but after a while I learned to ignor it because in the end it really is her jealousy. Their wedding was VERY small, VERY planned in a month, and VERY simple. I want it to be my others wedding… I want my own and I will get my own. Just think about it that way and it will slowly get easier. Atleast it did for me.

Post # 5
Member
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

You sure that it’s jealousy? Moms tend to be just straight up opinionated–if I had a dollar everytime a Bee said her mom didn’t like her dress/ring/centerpieces/bouquet/colors/cake/invites/guest list…

Which brings me to this point: I know it’s hard when your mom doesn’t agree with your taste. She’s your mom and you love her and value her opinion. However, you are an adult. You are getting married. And I’d be saying this to you in a very gentle tone: it’s time to recognize the difference between valuing her opinion and vying for her approval.

This is YOUR ring, celebrating and signifying YOUR family. So get the one YOU like.

Post # 6
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

What does that mean “It’s gorgeous, but not on you” It almost sounds like she doesn’t think you’re ‘worthy’ or that you deserve to wear such a nice ring. At least that’s how I would take it.

I can smell ring jealousy from a mile away unfortuantely and from what you’ve said in your post it sounds like your mom is jealous. I would honestly just leave her out of the decision making process from now on (don’t know why she was invovled to begin with, it should be just you and FI). Don’t rub it in her face, wait until she asks to see it, IF she asks. My Mom still hasn’t even looked at my ring I think she’s also jealous since when she got married she had just a plain band.

Post # 7
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

Your mom might just be realizing the you aren’t her little girl anymore and she is going through mommy withdral pains. She is probably really happy for you and wants you to be happy, but she needs time to adjust.

Post # 8
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Even if she is actually jealous, you have to just let it roll off your back.  The last thing you want to do is call your mom out for acting childish and make her feel even worse.  She probably didn’t get the dream wedding she wanted and she probably just thinks that she and your dad are fine, so why do you need anything more than what she had.  Just chalk it up to family being family.

Post # 9
Member
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I wouldn’t worry too much about it. It might just not be her taste, and being your mom, she’s going to give you her opinion. That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with your ring! She just might go for something else (which is fine, since it’s not hers to begin with). 

Post # 10
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

What do I think? I think you shouldn’t have taken all of those people with you to choose your ring! This is between you and your Fiance. Choose the ring you like, then share your good news with the rest of the world. Keep this tip in mind as you proceed with planning your wedding; sounds like it might come in handy going forward.

Post # 11
Member
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@NotYourTypicalBride: Thanks, you saved me typing all that out, lol !! Got it precisely right.

Post # 15
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Yeah, I’m not quite sure why you brought an entourage with you to pick your ring either, that’s asking for trouble. It’s your ring, who cares what anyone else thinks? Get what makes you happy, period.

Post # 16
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

I can’t even imagine a Mother actually being jealous of a daughter’s ring for even a minute, unless she’s lived in abject poverty her entire life. By the time most kids are of marrying age, parents usually have some disposable income to buy whatever they want, so why would ring envy even be an issue? Maybe she thinks it’s a waste of money or you’re spending too much on it when it isn’t that great, or it isn’t her taste, or any number of reasons. Maybe she sees her daughter as liking things more simple or tailored and the ring borders on gawdy or is just too big on your hand~aren’t they all possibilities? Only you know your real history with her, so maybe I’m 100% wrong too.

When I got engaged I hated diamonds (since everyone had one), and wanted an emerald. I also wanted a narrow gold band for my wedding ring. Did I want those things because I would have felt guilty having him spend the money when we needed other things at the time? Maybe. All I know is that 20 years later I wanted a big diamond ring and a big diamond wedding band and lots of diamond everythings (earrings,bracelets,necklaces) which I also now have. Things change. 🙂

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