Post # 1
UGHHHH…. i’m sorry but this is very long…..
i’ve been holding a lot in and i just need to let it all out!
So we choose out our wedding bands along with Fiance and i was my sister (also MOH), my mother and my Future Mother-In-Law
just a bit of background my mother got married at 18 had a nice family wedding so buget was tight to fit many people and being young didn’t have enough money to waste it crazy style and had to cut budget on other things such as rings..
my mother has a beautiful yellow gold ring.. but i’m not going to lie. my diamond is 3x bigger diamond than her’s.. a princess cut white gold simple yet elegant.
i do think she is jelous of my e-ring. she might not say it but her expression on her face said it all the day i came to show her. i was like mom look were engaged!!! (we were engaged a week before so it cant be the engagment but FI didnt want me to see the ring until after it was sized) and she looked at it smile and said oh its nice..and only that… i mean she shouldnt be jealous.. she has multipul rings daddy as bought her many anniversary rings and has everything! my father provides and spoils us all.
so when we went to buy the wedding bands i looked at the more simple ones but Fiance likes big statement rings and says my e-ring is made to buy a very elegant huge “BAM” ring guard. mother kept saying she didnt like it blah blah blah but Fiance showed me the one he choose i LOVED it mother again said it would be gorgeous but not on me… whats that supposed to mean?!?!?! i mean if we can affford a big ring then i mean why not? i’m not trying to get a bigger ring than my mother or anything Fiance choose it and it so happens i loved it and at the end i will be the one wearing it and ugh idk.. what do you think?
And its not only with the bands its with every detail! this is getting way to long i’ll post the rest later on a different post.
Post # 3
Are the two of you paying for it? If so, then your mom doesn’t really have a say in what ring you choose! If that’s the one you want, and it’s the one your Fiance wants to buy you, then go for it!
Post # 4
My mom has been like that too. She keeps telling me that everything I am getting is great for other people and cutting down the nice things I want saying “it isn’t going to work” or ” you can’t do that” or even so much as “Don’t get your hopes up on alot of people coming. I doubt even half will show”… at first it was really upsetting but after a while I learned to ignor it because in the end it really is her jealousy. Their wedding was VERY small, VERY planned in a month, and VERY simple. I want it to be my others wedding… I want my own and I will get my own. Just think about it that way and it will slowly get easier. Atleast it did for me.
Post # 5
You sure that it’s jealousy? Moms tend to be just straight up opinionated–if I had a dollar everytime a Bee said her mom didn’t like her dress/ring/centerpieces/bouquet/colors/cake/invites/guest list…
Which brings me to this point: I know it’s hard when your mom doesn’t agree with your taste. She’s your mom and you love her and value her opinion. However, you are an adult. You are getting married. And I’d be saying this to you in a very gentle tone: it’s time to recognize the difference between valuing her opinion and vying for her approval.
This is YOUR ring, celebrating and signifying YOUR family. So get the one YOU like.
Post # 6
What does that mean “It’s gorgeous, but not on you” It almost sounds like she doesn’t think you’re ‘worthy’ or that you deserve to wear such a nice ring. At least that’s how I would take it.
I can smell ring jealousy from a mile away unfortuantely and from what you’ve said in your post it sounds like your mom is jealous. I would honestly just leave her out of the decision making process from now on (don’t know why she was invovled to begin with, it should be just you and FI). Don’t rub it in her face, wait until she asks to see it, IF she asks. My Mom still hasn’t even looked at my ring I think she’s also jealous since when she got married she had just a plain band.
Post # 7
Your mom might just be realizing the you aren’t her little girl anymore and she is going through mommy withdral pains. She is probably really happy for you and wants you to be happy, but she needs time to adjust.
Post # 8
Even if she is actually jealous, you have to just let it roll off your back. The last thing you want to do is call your mom out for acting childish and make her feel even worse. She probably didn’t get the dream wedding she wanted and she probably just thinks that she and your dad are fine, so why do you need anything more than what she had. Just chalk it up to family being family.
Post # 9
I wouldn’t worry too much about it. It might just not be her taste, and being your mom, she’s going to give you her opinion. That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with your ring! She just might go for something else (which is fine, since it’s not hers to begin with).
Post # 10
What do I think? I think you shouldn’t have taken all of those people with you to choose your ring! This is between you and your Fiance. Choose the ring you like, then share your good news with the rest of the world. Keep this tip in mind as you proceed with planning your wedding; sounds like it might come in handy going forward.
Post # 11
@NotYourTypicalBride: Thanks, you saved me typing all that out, lol !! Got it precisely right.
Post # 13
i love my mother she has great taste but she can be that mother in law everyone always hears about and everyone just does not like. but she can also be the one everyone loves..
the jelousy goes way back lets say its story time now haha
i am the oldest and a daddy’s girl others may say my sister after me was born very sick and well i was only 3 so my dad practically raised me along with the rest of my uncles aunts grandparents. while my mom took care of my sister my mother and sister are like best friends since the begining of times while i went thru my teen years i did resent that i couldnt sit down and talk to her instead i would go to my dad.. or my parents friends who were like my second parents.. not until i was 17 i started to be closer to my mother but then i would accomplish things that she never thought i could do things she wished to do and now she has all that too but friends say yes her daughter encouraged her to do it too and it pisses her off
and regarding her comments i have been ignoring it since the beinging but i have had enough we have 4 months till the wedding and i guess its also me stressing and i just cant deal with it anymore
Post # 14
@NotYourTypicalBride: thanks your right.. we were all shopping for non wedding related stuff then we saw our store and we went in to see the rings and bought them but i will keep that in mind no more asking for oppinions 🙂
Post # 15
Yeah, I’m not quite sure why you brought an entourage with you to pick your ring either, that’s asking for trouble. It’s your ring, who cares what anyone else thinks? Get what makes you happy, period.
Post # 16
I can’t even imagine a Mother actually being jealous of a daughter’s ring for even a minute, unless she’s lived in abject poverty her entire life. By the time most kids are of marrying age, parents usually have some disposable income to buy whatever they want, so why would ring envy even be an issue? Maybe she thinks it’s a waste of money or you’re spending too much on it when it isn’t that great, or it isn’t her taste, or any number of reasons. Maybe she sees her daughter as liking things more simple or tailored and the ring borders on gawdy or is just too big on your hand~aren’t they all possibilities? Only you know your real history with her, so maybe I’m 100% wrong too.
When I got engaged I hated diamonds (since everyone had one), and wanted an emerald. I also wanted a narrow gold band for my wedding ring. Did I want those things because I would have felt guilty having him spend the money when we needed other things at the time? Maybe. All I know is that 20 years later I wanted a big diamond ring and a big diamond wedding band and lots of diamond everythings (earrings,bracelets,necklaces) which I also now have. Things change. 🙂