- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013
This is more of a vent. To start off my future IL’s are great. They are wonderful people who care about family more then anything but…. they dont totally understand the concept of letting go. (my Fiance is italian…like born there) so I know its very typical to be close to your parents and living at home until your older etc… but some of this constant in our faces is getting to be too much.
My Fiance has a very good job at a company thats moving to a new building within the city, but it happens to be on the other side of town. We decided that because of that the commute for him will be a lot so we’re planning on moving close by (when we deicde to have kids its more impt for us to have him close because he works long hours). Well his parents have been throwing a fit about this…. we currently live less then 5 min from them (Ive actually walked there), and that was not on purpose, it just happened to be the right house at the right time.
Now…. we will be about 15-20 min drive (in traffic it would MUCH longer) but at the times they would be coming over (mainly weekends) its fine. Mother-In-Law has been going on and on about how much of an inconvenience it will be, and what do we expect when we have kids that she drive “ALL THE WAY” down there??? um…… YA??? your telling me that you think driving for 15-20 minutes is going to be a hardship? to see a grandchild?
um…also in that same conversation she (told my Fiance…. I was not there) “well I dont want to drive all the way down there everyday, obviously I’m going to be taking care of the kids, so you need to think about ME and how this is going to affect US, ” (as in Future Mother-In-Law, Future Father-In-Law, FSIL)… Im like ok… well we dont see eachother like everyweek as it is so nothing will change in terms of how often we see eachother…. even when we do see eachother its ALWAYS planned in advance….. I can count how many times they’ve been to our house in the 2 yrs we’ve been there…..or “dropped by”
anywho…I talked to Fiance about a week later when we did our marriage prep and discussed the topic of “leaving and cleaving” and we talked about a lot of things in regards to how much “sharing” and involvement they have/will have, and also the fact that I’m not sure I want her to be the caretaker of our kids, but if so…WE will decide that as a couple NOT anyone else….. long story short, after telling him my concerns (her health, physical ability, time commitement that I dont think she realizes…me and Fiance work extended days so we would leave the house 6:30-7am and wouldnt get home until 6, 630pm)…she currently has issues with energy working 7-8 hour days…..
Another reason i dont know if I’m ok with it is because I dont know if shes going to respect OUR wishes for things we want/dont want done…… I fully understand shes been a mom and shes raised 2 great people, but things are diff now, and there are certain views I Dont agree with!
Plus…. if shes there when I get home first shes going to want to hang around until Fiance gets home…and we will have NO private time with our kids before bedtime. Bringing me to my last straw from last night prompting the post….. she finally said ya Im ok with the move, Im accepting it now etc… (sigh of relief right?) next sentence directed at Fiance…..”just make sure you have extra room for me…because well I’m not gonna be driving home when its freezing out, you know when Im taking care of the babies…”
??? huh?? WE LIVE IN CANADA….ITS ALWAYS FREEZING!
so….I said to Fiance when we got home…. um….a) thats NOT ok to assume all this, shes practically saying shes going to move in with us….b) she still thinks shes going to be the caretaker….and Im really hoping your not encouraging it….WE decide that when the time comes…
sooo frustrating…. this is just the tip of the iceberg… but MAN I was riled up last night.