(Closed) Just wondering

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

thats hard..

 

and theres no way of telling her? I would want someone to tell me right away!

Post # 5
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Can you provide “generally” what the issue is?  I’ve always felt that you need to keep your mouth shut about someone’s SO because they will never choose you over them BUT what you can do, is slighly point things out to her until she sees.  Such as “Friend, don’t you find it weird that your Fiance is always spending time with so and so girl and comes home smelling of perfume?  I’m not sure you should be comfortable with that since girl has the hots for him.”  Something like that.  Worse case though, you may have to have an intervention but be prepared to lose the friendship.  Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

It depends on what it actually is, and the problem is that there is no way to judge that without imposing our own views. I guess it depends on how severe it is — what is going to hurt her more: telling her bad news or letting her continue with a guy who is cheating/lying/possibly going to hurt her and maybe even after she’s deeper in the relationship? Obviously, it sounds like this can’t end well for her. And there is merit in letting one make her own mistakes, but I think, depending on what it is, I would tell. It’s not the messenger’s fault. And I would rather spare her so she can heal and move on faster. But, crucial to telling, it would have to be something tangible about the other person — “Look at the email your SO sent hitting on me and asking to hook up behind your back” is different from an opinion “I just think your SO is not the best person for you because he is a loser” or something. That all being said, it is much harder once you are actually in that situation. Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I kind of did once and it didn’t turn out well for me.  Actually, it was after my friend told me that her Fiance had cheated on her and his excuse was because they had an argument.  She ended things with him and called me crying so I did what any good friend does and told her she was better off.  A few months later, they get back together and she stops talking to me. 

Moral of the story…it’s a very delicate topic to approach.  If you do tell her, while you are looking out for her best interest, you might end up getting hurt in the end as well.  No one likes to hear negative things about their SO.  Sorry if that wasn’t much help but good luck with whatever you choose to do.

Post # 8
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

I cant believe her own fam keeps it from her though.

Post # 9
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I’m also suprised her family doesn’t want to say anything.  They are the ones allowed to and will be forgiven much easier.

Post # 11
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

IMO, you wouldn’t be a good friend, if you didn’t tell her.

Post # 14
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

maybe if all of you told her at the same time?!

Post # 15
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

Just tell her that you are very sorry, but you have to tell her something about her Fiance that she probably doesn’t want to hear. You should let her know that it will have to be her decision about what to do about it, and that you will stand by her whatever she chooses to do.

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