(Closed) Karaoke Katastrophy

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

I would be mad because of the secrecy of it all… which eventually led up to him being rude about it. But I think you should have a conversation with him about this whole subject again. My Fiance and I know that there are other people who are attractive in the world. It’s not like I’m the only beautiful girl, or he’s the only hot guy out there. We realistically know that girls/guys are attractive. We chose each other because we are 1) attracted to each other, 2) think we’re both beautiful/hot, 3) love each other for other (and probably deeper) ways.

I think once y’all give each other permission to admit this, then things like that won’t happen to you in the future. I’m not saying that I give my Fiance permission to blatantly stare at another girl and check her out… touch her butt… whatever. I just know that every once in a while he sees a girl, does a double take, and says, wow she is pretty! I see nothing wrong with this. But that is my opinion.

I’m not sure if I answered your question though. I don’t think you’re wrong to be mad (because it definitely escalated), but I don’t think you’re right either.

Post # 5
Member
7296 posts
Busy Beekeeper

i don’t think you are wrong AT ALL. and i am so sorry he said that to you! how incredibly hurtful!   and let me be clear on somethng. i get it is completely natural to notice people of the opposite sex and find them attractive. i notice other guys all the time.  and i am sure Fiance notices girls too….he just doesn’t blatantly do it in front of me due to something called RESPECT!

your story reminds me of a night out i had with an ex many years ago. it was my ex’s birthday and we were at a bar with his friends.  FI and I were sitting on a couch, he had his arm around me.  his friend was standing in front of us and chatting. this really hot girl walks by, and what does my ex do?  he checks her out, then looks at his friend, nods at him to check her out too!  i couldn’t beleive it!  i got mad and started arguing with him.  his friend tried to get involved and explained to me that guys will always look at other girls, and i politely tried to explain to him that yes, but they are not supposed to do when you are sitting with your arm your girlfriend!! i bit my tongue from also pointing out that his attitude may be partially responsible for why he was perpetually single!  

Post # 6
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

honestly i dont think him saying the girl was attractive was that big of a deal. He didnt need to say it the way he did but im sure he was just kind of frustrated that you kept asking him a question he didnt want to answer. That was stupid on his part. But nothing to dwell on. However, he needs to just apologize to you instead of being mean and sarcastic, thats the part that i would have a problem with. You guys need to talk about that.

But like kperry said, you both need to realize that the other is going to find other people to be attractive.

Post # 7
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

While he was out of line (mainly, the staring at her while she was on stage), I think you could have handled it better as well. You were only agitating the situation by prodding him, it was almost like you wanted him to crack and say that. That’s the way 99% of men are…they will find other women attractive. As long as they do not act on it or let it consume their thoughts, it’s totally normal. I think a better way to handle it would have been to address him the next day (after you had calmed down and he was sober) and told him that it’s fine to find other chicks attractive, but staring like a schoolboy makes you feel uncomfortable.

I don’t think it’s weird for him to have blurted out that she was attractive. I mean heck, when I am with my Fiance and we see a gorgeous girl, I often say that myself!

Post # 8
Member
2263 posts
Buzzing bee

I definitely think he was out of place explaining the extent of her prettiness against yours. I mean I’m all for honesty and everything, but I think he seriously needs to realize that what he said was not just inappropriate but downright mean. 

However, I think you have to figure out if the real reason you are mad is because you are uncomfortable with him being attracted to other women, the fact that he didn’t want to admit it right away or because of what he said.

I think you have to realize that just because he may be attracted to someone else, as long as it doesn’t cross any emotional or physical lines, it does not affect the way he feels for you and your relationship together. I think its a sign of a healthy relationship that you have enough security to admit who you think is good looking.

Regardless, I think its something you two need to talk out and I think you have to really specify with him what you are okay with.

 

 

Post # 9
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Ok so at the start of the thread I thought this was silly, you and your fiance are going to find other people in the world attractive. Everyone has eyes, it’s natural. Also, (and i’m saying this with the most respect) you need some confidence honey! Your fiance is with you because you are beautiful and he finds you attractive. Always remember that. I’m going to lend you my little secret for feeling threatened or insecure. I know my fiance thinks i’m beautiful but when we meet an attractive woman that I know he would be attracted to instead of looking at her as a threat I always befriend her. My fiance sees my confidence and is attracted to me not for being jealous but my fun loving personality and for having a great time with OUR new friend. He is also reminded that there are beautiful people everywere but thats skin deep. He chose me for so much more than that. Were all girls, we should not be threatened by eachother. Spread the love and be friends.

Now that thats out of the way, I do think it’s completely wrong for your fiance to disrespect you the way he did. He said many inappropriate things and acted silly  on the night. I know my fiance finds other women attractive but he has respect in front of me. If were in a room full of stunning girls instead of staring like a stun mullet he will come over and whisper something like Im the most beautiful girl in the room. I know he just does it just to make me feel special. aw

You need to talk to him about the lack of respect, and you need not be insecure, he chose you!

Post # 10
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Don’t you feel like you set him up a little bit? He knew you would flip out, and so he tried to lie about it… but he wasn’t very good at lying about it, and you kept poking at it, so he finally came clean and became a little too honest.

He will think other girls are more attractive than you. You will think other boys are more attractive than him. What is important is that you don’t act on it, you don’t let it get in the way of your relationship, and you don’t say something stupid and disrespectful and too honest, like “I think she is prettier than you.”

My Fiance likes redheads. I am not a redhead. I’ve had my fair share of silly insecurities, and so I used to feel bad about it whenever we’d be out and I’d see someone who was his type. He’s not disrespectful, and he’s not about to dump me for someone who might be prettier than me… so now I playfully call him out on it whenever I see him subtly check someone out, and I tease him about it whenever we’re out and see someone who is his type. He does the same thing to me whenever we are out and see someone who is my type. We both know that we think other people are attractive, too, but we are MOST attracted to each other — physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Yeah, it was douchey of your Fiance to say what he said — but I think that he probably just got fed up of trying to lie and you poking at him, and so he became a little too honest. Give the guy a break — and give yourself a break, too. You’re hot stuff, and you’re his partner who he loves and cares about and wants more than anyone else — otherwise he wouldn’t want to marry you.

Post # 11
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

You forced an answer out of him and heard something you didn’t want to hear. Next time don’t back him into a corner and he won’t give you an answer out of sheer frustration.

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