keep maiden name/hyphenate/something else?

posted 2 years ago in Names
Post # 16
3892 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

hippievan :  I had planned to double barrel (your option 3), and never ended up changing it.  Socially I still mostly go by my maiden name as well, but our traditional relatives call me by my husband’s name.  I think you should do what you want!  You don’t have to decide right away – I believe most states allow you to change it without a fee within the first year of marriage; after the first year, you can still change it, but have to pay a fee and petition the court.  I haven’t gone through that process, but heard that it’s not too bad. 

ETA: As a PP poster mentioned, my career definitely impacted my decision as well. 

Post # 17
2064 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

I considered your option 1 but I couldn’t do it in the end so I kept my name. We plan on having kids and despite having qualifications in my name, my career wouldn’t have been impacted in any way by the name change. But I didn’t want to change it. We’ve decided if when we have kids IF I hate having a different surname, then I’ll change it in the courts and just deal with the cost. Otherwise, I will remain with my name, socially and legally. There are loads of reasons I wanted to keep my name somewhere or not change but it all boils down to I didn’t want to. Work out what you want to do, what you are comfortable with and go from there. Play around with the the different options and see what feels comfortable to you.

Post # 18
6441 posts
Bee Keeper

hippievan :  My Mother-In-Law did the first option and has never really bothered her to have two middle names.  I think it looks crazy long because she has a long first and middle name.  But it makes her happy.  do what makes you happy even if it is long, if you’re happy that’s the most important thing.  You’ll regret it if you do something that you’re not fully committed too anyway

Post # 19
1390 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

I plan on doing two middles names! All around, it will be the easiest way for me to keep my maiden name without making things ridiculously long, such as hyphenating last names. I’m excited and happy about my decision! Because IllI be married young, I plan on changing it right after graduating college as I transition into my career. 

Post # 20
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017 - Preservation Park, Oakland CA

I kept my maiden name and it hasn’t been an issue so far. Like you. our names didn’t really work great for hyphenated or double barreled. I love my middle name, I would never consider ditching it and I didn’t want a ridiculously long name doing first middle maiden married. I feel uncomfortable with a name change completely so I just kept my maiden since double barrel and hypen weren’t an option for us.

You also don’t have to decide right away, your name can always be changed in the future. I was really stressed about this too and felt like I had to choose by the time the wedding came but thats really not true. My Mother-In-Law took 5 years to change her name, I may decide to change mine in the future but its not a decision that really has to be made that moment. You can go by whatever you like socially anyways.

Post # 21
9286 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I plan on First Middle Maiden-Married, but have yet to get around to changing it. 😬 DH’s surname is only one syllable and I didn’t want to drop my maiden name entirely, so it was a pretty obvious choice. We also just gave our newborn the surname Maiden-Married.

Post # 22
1969 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

hippievan :  How attached are you to your middle name? I dropped my middle name, so now I’m First Maiden Married.

Post # 23
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I am keeping my maiden name. I don’t like the tradition of taking the husband’s name. Once we have kids, we’ll roll the dice to see whose name they get (no, not kidding). Both names are of similar length, neither is embarassing or anything, so it seems reasonably to leave it up to chance.

Post # 24
1755 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m keeping my maiden name. It’s what my career, education and professional certifications are all in. It’s also the same last name as my daughter. My FH is completely happy with whatever I choose.

Post # 25
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I kept my name and never imagined doing otherwise. My mom didn’t change hers either, and it didn’t make any difference growing up that we didn’t have the same last name as her. Actually I specifically liked it, I guess I thought it was special because it was very slightly different from my friends’ families lol.

Post # 26
1617 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Location

I’m not changing anything for family history reasons. He doesn’t care. Future kids will have his last name. 

In my profession it seems 50-50 women who take their husbands name or just keep their own. Never heard of putting maiden name as middle, must be regional/cultural.

For the record I’m not a fan of hyphenated names, gets too long and bulky. What if your kid wants to marry someone else with a hyphenated name lol! 

Post # 27
208 posts
Helper bee

Keeping my name but our kids will take his.

My brother’s Fiance is taking our name and they will pass it on but my SO may be the only one to pass his along since his sister is taking her FI’s name and we are not sure yet what his brother intends to do.  Part of it is a career choice (I am trying to get published) and another part is because I don’t like that we are stuck in this cycle where the female in a hetero relationship is automatically expected to take the male’s name. 

Post # 29
2904 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I really like the idea of giving children the mother’s maiden name as a middle name. It has been in a long tradition in my father’s family for the first born son (mostly because they all have the same first name) My grandparent’s didn’t carry it on though which is sad.

I really wanted to do it for my son as he has the family first name but with a double barrelled surname already it just felt like too many surnames.

Post # 30
635 posts
Busy bee

I’m dropping my last name for his. But only because mine is long, difficult to spell, and difficult to pronounce. And I’m sick of spelling and pronouncing. Not to mention there are actually two different pronunciations. Otherwise I would definitely keep my own name as I see no other reason to change it. And what else is interesting is that in my social circle everyone took their husband’s name. But my sister kept our last name and most of her friends did the same. One big difference is her friends are professionals and my friends aren’t. So I think career was a big reason they kept their names. 

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