- 4 years ago
- Wedding: May 2014
Truth, I feel guilty writing a post about my fear of being pregnant (right now!) on a pregnancy board, but you ladies all give great insight, and I know my nerves have gotten the best of me at the moment.
Due to our wedding date in May, now is NOT the time I would ever dream of wanting to get preggo, and really the time before that even, so for many years I have been using a fertility app to prevent it. My cycles are 30-31 days, like clockwork. In fact, my body gives me many indications that I am ovulating month to month. I cramp, bloat, and have small bloody discharge (sorry, TMI) when I do! According to my app, I was ovulating, or highly fertile from 2/22-2/27, however my bloody discharge occurred on 2/28 (and I have no clue if that means it is is ‘over’ or if that is an opening to a 24-48 hour window of ovulation – I never remember!). Anyways, it is during ovulation week, that my FI and I are doubly careful, if we have sex at all, bc again we are not ready right NOW to conceive. Keep in mind that sex outside of this week still has a condom involved – because I am not on hormonal bc.
Unfortunately, on 3/1 he and I had a good ole time in our basement bar with our neighbors, and drank excessively (whoops). We both remember, after the neighbors left, us attempting to have all kinds of sex in our basement, and bc the condoms are upstairs in our bedroom, did not wear one!! However, my FI is 99.9% confident he did not come close to ejaculation, due to the amount he consumed that night. And if he did, he would have pulled out, because that is all he has ever known to do!! As for me, I could not tell you, but really drunk or not, I often have my wits about me – and post sloppy sex, closed up the house (took the dog out), brushed my teeth and went to bed. I.e., I honestly believe had I thought I had something to worry about, I would have been picking up Plan B the very next day!!!
Fast forward to Tuesday evening, and my FI asked if I felt we had anything to worry about from our unprotected charade, and I said ‘NO…WHY?!” He said he wanted to make sure I was not worried, and when I asked him if he was, he said no. Well, enter my ride on the anxiety train!!! Like clock work, I was constantly thinking about it…what if I was? What if his pre-ejaculation (if he had any) knocked me up? Why can I not really remember it all? How could I be so stupid? Was my fertile window over, or just beginning?! Knowing it was too soon, I waited til this morning to pee on a stick. This morning would be 10-11 days post ovulation (assumingly), and 4-5 days before my period is due to start, which is Thursday, and it came back NEGATIVE on the clearblue digital! Win…for now.
I know there is still a chance it is not reading a pregnancy, and I plan to test again in a few days, but from what I wrote, can any of you knowledgable bees keep me calm?! Do you think the negative today is a pretty good indication I am not?! Sorry, but I am full of anxiety which is causing me to feel and be crazy!