Post # 1
I’m new here but I’m in need of advice from fellow brides and or brides-to-be. Talking with single friends is great and helpful but I feel like only another bride can fully understand how hard this is. I don’t know if I should keep one of my Maid/Matron of Honor.
I have two because I have two amazing best friends. One I’ve known all my life (MOH2), we grew up together, my family helped to raise her, we know everything about each other, no exaggeration. We’ve both been through so much from events I can’t even repeat to deaths that no one else could understand our loss. I made her the primary Godmother of my baby last year and my other bestie was also a Godma. My other bestie (MOH 1) who is the main Maid/Matron of Honor is also very close to my heart, like a sister but we’ve only been friends for about 8 years.
Very long and dramatic story in short, we all met up (they’re in school and I’m back home)including my other bridesmaid for my bachelorette trip. No one would of gone if I hadn’t arranged it and asked them. And everyone agreed happily. Maid/Matron of Honor 1 has a controlling Boyfriend or Best Friend at the moment so she was uncomfortable going out and having men even look at her and Maid/Matron of Honor 2 for some reason followed like a sheep. In the end we were at a club and all three of them started to walk away for their own reasons so I did as well and of course I made it outside first. Out of no where Maid/Matron of Honor 1 starts screaming. Her rant summed up was that I didn’t care and didn’t want to listen. While she’s screaming on the street like a crazy person, no I don’t want to listen. I said we should talk later when things are calm and walked away and proceeded to cry because her behaviour can’t be expressed in words, it was awful. It seems pointless and immature to me now as it did then but it hurt me nevertheless.
Needless to say the rest of our trip was spent separate and neither Maid/Matron of Honor spoke to me after we all made it to where we were going. This was two weeks ago and once I arrived home I had a very personal issue and had to push my wedding back. I told all 3 of them together to be fair and only Maid/Matron of Honor 1 spoke to me. We talked, explained and apologized. Things are better but not good but she is still my Maid/Matron of Honor. As for Maid/Matron of Honor 2, I haven’t heard a word from her. 18 years later, after nothing happened I don’t understand why she never even asked if I was okay after changing my wedding date. During the remainder of the trip she asked once if I was okay, I said no and that was it. That hurt ME that she glued herself (which I do appreciate to an extent) to Maid/Matron of Honor 1 after what happened and didn’t try to be mediator but my bridesmaid who was there who I’ve know for just over a year tried so hard to help in whatever way she could.
I don’t think I could even bring myself to speak first because I don’t know what the heck happened as I did nothing. My mom/best friend has offered to mediate and ask her what happened. I don’t know if I should let her do it or not. Part of me is furious, she’s all over the internet but can’t even acknowledge she saw my message about the date change, and wants to let it be but then again almost two decades down the road I don’t want to let her go. Also, if she pulled out or I asked her to step out of the wedding she won’t come at all and that’s huge.
Sorry it’s long I’m a thorough person lol! Any advice or similar situations anyone has would be so appreciated for this newbee!
Post # 3
Telling your friend that she is no longer your maid of honor would end whatever friendship you have left with that girl. I’d hestiate to have your mom mediate any conversation with her. I know you are hurting but try to take a breath and call her again to work things out. If she doesn’t respond, then at least you know you tried to work things out. If she doesn’t acknowledge your date change then she has taken herself out of the wedding. Is it possible that she may be upset you organized your own bachlorette party and may be acting out because she feels pressure money wise?
I’m sorry you had to postpone your wedding. It sounds like you have a lot going on in your life right now but please give it a good thought before you risk ending friendships. Best of luck!
Post # 4
Don’t kick her out. That would end everything.
I think you seriously need to ask them/talk to them. Don’t take this the wrong way, as I don’t have information on your friendship or your experiences with these girls, but is it possible you might have done something without realizing? The fact that both girls sided together is what makes me think this.
Post # 5
I feel like we are missing a MAJOR part of the story here. You’re at a club with your MOHs and all of the sudden both of them want to leave, and the second you get outside one of them starts screaming and neither of them speak to you for the rest of the trip?
What part of the story are you not telling us? You said she was mad that you didn’t care and didn’t want to listen…that makes absolutely no sense out of context. Obviously something happened or you wouldn’t of had both MOHs not speaking to you. I think we need to be able to hear more details to give solid advice, but I very rarely advise kicking out a Bridesmaid or Best Man, it is almost always the wrong thing to do.
Post # 6
I agree, there’s something else here that you’re not telling?
Post # 7
@Wonderstruck: I’m with you. OP, I feel there is something we are missing. What did she say you didnt’ care about or want to listen to? You said Maid/Matron of Honor1 was uncomfortable going out so I’m wondering if you unknowingly pressured her a lot she’s now upset because you didn’t take her into consideration.
Without knowing more of the situation, the only advice I can give is to call up (do not text, FB, or email) both MOHs and figure what happened and why they stopped talking to you. Don’t ask someone to ask your MOHs what’s wrong – that seems very middle school to me and I doubt it will help the situation at all. Also, please don’t kick anyone out. Kicking someone out of the Wedding Party is a friendship ending move and will only make things worse.
Post # 8
Agree with PP, more info needed.
Post # 9
Thanks for the understanding comments as for what I left out….nothing. They came together from the same country and were stuck together from the beginning before we even left the hotel the first day.
I have talked to Maid/Matron of Honor1 and she had calmed down and backed down. I had done nothing but it took her time and space from each other to realize that. As for pressuring obviously as this is my first post no one knows me but this trip was planned over months. I’m on a wedding budget and happily engaged so nothing planned was over the top. Everything reasonably priced and no strip clubs or dodgy places picked to go to. I’m not selfish, we all spoke together and had plans made we all suggested and liked.
As for my mother offering to speak to Maid/Matron of Honor2, it goes deeper than this pointless fight. As I stated she raised this girl and for her to act this way for no reason or because she wants to pull out is disrespectful. Also, her and I had spoken as normal after the incident (I forgot our brief encounter) when they came to say bye to my mother.
I’m sorry some of you think I’m sugar coating this, I don’t see why I’d leave info out when I’m looking for non-biased outside opinions. As for Maid/Matron of Honor1 going off her head, it stems from her Boyfriend or Best Friend controlling her every move and I’m the only one who is honest and tells her its unhealthy. But that’s another story and issue. Her and I are at least sorting through our issues and so far so good.