(Closed) Keep your middle name, or drop it when you get married?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
4241 posts
Honey bee

Here’s something I don’t understand, so maybe someone can explan?

If you don’t want to completely lose your middle or last name, but also want to take your husband’s, why not just have 2 middle names? So Jane Elzabeth Smith becomes Jane Elizabeth Smith Jones, and goes by Jane Jones.

I just see lots of threads with this dilemma, and that never seems to be brought up as an option. 

Post # 17
Member
5083 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

View original reply
ClaudiaKishi:  I also don’t know why more people don’t do this. It seems easier than having to deal with having two last names…

Post # 18
Member
5362 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2016

I am keeping my middle name and dropping my maiden. I don’t like my monogram with my maiden name, and I will be naming my son after my maiden name so it’s not like I’ll ever be getting rid of it.

Post # 19
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I am having such a hard time with this also! I love my middle name but it doesn’t have any significance to me or my family, it was just a name my parents liked. I feel much more attached to my maiden name, plus it would mean a lot to my dad if I keep it as part of my legal name. Personally two middle names is a little much to me, any time I would have to write out my complete legal name it would be 7 letters 5 letters 3 letters 7 letters… so much! I also felt better about it when I realized that mine and my FI’s full names will have the exact same amount of letters if I keep my maiden name (7 letters 3 letters 7 letters) which I thought was cute. ๐Ÿ™‚

I think this is such a personal decision and only you can know what will be best for you! Don’t let people pressure you either way. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 20
Member
4012 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I dropped my middle and kept my maiden ๐Ÿ™‚ Seems I am the minority! My dad had two girls and there are no boys to carry on our name so I wanted to keep it. It’s unusal and French and I am partial to it anyways over my generic middle name.

Post # 21
Member
794 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

View original reply
june2017bride:  I also didn’t know this was a thing. Why in the world would you get rid of your middle name when you get married? The last name is the one that either changes or doesn’t. I would never give up my middle name. I also didn’t give up my last name when I married – not because I didn’t want my husband’s name – but because changing the last name is not a thing here in Belgium. Everyone keeps their own names.

Post # 22
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee

I have never heard of anyone dropping their middle namebbefore this post! I find it so strange… I consider my middle name to be as much a part of me as my first name? 

As pp suggested,  why not just add on your new surname on to your already existing names? 

Post # 23
Member
527 posts
Busy bee

I’ve always thought that I would drop my maiden name and possibly even change my middle name to another name I am called in church circles that has meaning for me. So it would be like Firstname Churchname NewLastname.

Post # 24
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Why would you drop your middle name? It’s your middle name for a reason, last names are meant to be changed when you get married, if you so choose to do so, middle names aren’t meant to be dropped. Just my opinion.

Post # 25
Member
1391 posts
Bumble bee

I really like my middle name and it’s a part of me. So I don’t want to drop it. The only thing that bothers me is that my middle name starts with S and so does FI’s last name. 

Post # 26
Member
11506 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Dropping one’s given middle name and taking one’s maiden name as her middle name is the formal, traditional manner in which married women in many parts of the US have changed their names throughout history. One of my grandmothers did this, as did one of my DH’s grandmothers, as well as my mother.

The reason for this formal, traditional type of name change is that it provides a married woman who has changed her last name with a clear continuity of her identity — an obvious connection to her family of origin. (Some examples of some famous people who have done this are author Laura Ingalls Wilder, many of the Kennedy women, Hillary Rodham Clinton, etc.)

I also chose this name change option. Since a prior poster asked why someone would not simply add her maiden name so that she would have two middle names (something I originally wanted to do), I wanted to note that not all states allow this type of name change. Having four names also can create issues for people. One of my friends wish she had NOT become First Middle Maiden Last, because people are forever getting her name wrong in their computer systems. Some of her doctor’s offices have her under her maiden name; her employer (the federal government) incorrectly hyphenated her name. She told me if she could do things again, she would have dropped her given middle name and become First Maiden Last.

Finally, perhaps the reason some of you have never heard that “this is a ‘thing'” is that, for whatever reason, many people stopped doing this type of name change. Most of my own friends had not heard of this either and became First Middle Newlast when they married.  

Post # 27
Member
2429 posts
Buzzing bee

I was named for my 2 grandmothers but my last name is a woman’s name, so Jane Irene Doris. 

Since my father’s mother’s name was Irene Doris, I kept first (Jane), maiden (Doris), and DH’s last (Bischoff), since that would keep one name of each grandma and one of DH’s!

Post # 28
Member
783 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Ok I had no idea that people did this…I never heard of getting rid of your middle name just because you are married. Nobody that I know has ever done that. I just assumed if you were keeping your maiden name you also kept your middle name because that’s part of your “given” name at birth…no? 

 

Edit: I’m from NY and i just looked this up and found that in a few states including mine, you have to petition the court to allow them to make your maiden name your middle name. I guess that’s why I never heard of this, because most people in NY probably don’t bother with it.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by  libradana301.
Post # 29
Member
488 posts
Helper bee

I have never heard of this either. I dont like the sound of it for me though, my last name is quite harsh sounding, and does not flow with FIs last name.  Saying that, his last name doesnt sound right either and it starts with a vowel while my first name ends with an L. I dont know what I will do.. plenty of time though

Post # 30
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Muckenthaler Cultural Center

I kept my middle name and dropped my maiden name ๐Ÿ™‚ 

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