(Closed) Keeping a baby’s gender secret after they are born? Alternative parenting ideas

posted 7 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
2313 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I saw them, and their theories on “unschooling” as well. Personally, I find them to be… nutty. 

Post # 4
3758 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

there was JUST a thread about that. I personally do not like it at all…

Post # 5
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I cant open the link at work but I am soo curious!! Can someone sum it all up for me?

Post # 6
622 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

the craziest part of this is that they allow a young child to choose whether or not to attend school. i feel like there are some things in life that you shouldn’t have a choice as a child – school being one of them. who as a child wouldn’t choose to eat candy all the time? i mean, that’s not a good choice. at some point, parents need to step in and make a decision that’s the best for the child. as far as gender goes, i get what they’re trying to do but i think it might cause confusion and identity problems later in life. i guess to each their own.

Post # 7
2313 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011


They aren’t telling anyone what the gender of the baby is and it’s 4 months old. Its name is Storm, and no family members besides them know if it’s a boy or girl because they think gender is “restrictive” or “oppressive” or some crap and they want Storm to figure it out for itself.

Post # 8
2427 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I just don’t see this experiment working out so well for the kiddo. 

Post # 9
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think there are a lot of problems with gender expectations and roles.  I don’t really think what they’re doing solves anything though.  The baby is going to start asking questions about its genitalia at some point, and from that will extrapolate whether it is a “boy” or “girl” and then conform how it is supposed to act to what it sees in society.  Of course, I don’t know how isolated these kids are.  It’s an interesting idea.

Post # 11
1077 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Keeping bio gender a secret seems less powerful to me than saying, baby girl, this is how you were born, and people will tell you all kinds of things about what it means to be female, but we think it’s best to just behave bravely, honorably, intelligently, kindly, and every other good way that one can behave without concern for whether or not you are doing so in a gendered way.

I wish that we had a more open society, but the truth is that my friends who are not fully identified with a particular gender have a much harder row to hoe than they might if they didn’t feel oppressed by living with a gender that is not one that they full claim.

Post # 12
1995 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m sure in the long run it’ll make Storm a stronger person- but at what cost?

Post # 13
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I agree that sex and gender are two different concepts, but I think this will do more harm than help. IMO the best thing you can do to ensure your kid is comfortable in his/her own skin is be supportive and open-minded.

So much of our experience and decision is affected by what we perceive as “right” or “wrong” for us; if this kid is not treated as one gender or the other, how are they going to have any basis for comparison? Either they will choose to remain genderless or they will have to “try out” being male or female in order to figure out what feels right anyway.

I would say it’s better for the child to be raised as a male and realize it has more female tendencies (or vice versa) than for it to be raised as genderless and not really understand what it’s like to live as a male or a female at all.

Post # 14
413 posts
Helper bee

And we wonder why society is in the shape it’s in? 

Post # 15
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Um. I get it, I really do. I studied a lot of this in school, but… I do think it’s a bit dangerous. Of course, they can do whatever they want, but it seems like it may just be confusing for a child. Having seen a few different variations of this in the past (such as transgendered children having their gender decided at birth and then it being the opposite once they hit puberty) I just think this type of thing can get very complicated very quickly.

Post # 16
10287 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I commented on the other post but I’ll chime in here too…

I think the whole thing is ridiculous. I don’t see how this is going to help their “cause” at all. If anything, I think the kids probably going to be more f’ed up than he/she would have normally been. These parents are totally off their rockers!

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