(Closed) Keeping a “safety stash” of money that your husband doesn’t know about?

posted 12 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: Do/would you keep a "safety stash" of money that your husband doesn't know about?

    Yes, I do this.

    No, but I will/I want to/I think it's a good idea

    I'm not sure, I have mixed feelings about this.

    No, I would never do it.

    Other.

  • Post # 47
    Member
    1407 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I strongly believe that you should be transparent about all your actions with your spouse. I wouldn’t want my Fiance to be basically hiding something from me. Not only does it mean that he doesn’t trust me, but it means I can’t trust him. Keeping some money of your own that your spouse can’t access is fine if that’s what works for you, but if you feel the need to keep it secret in case you need to escape, I think that means something about your feelings about your relationship.

    Post # 48
    Member
    183 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    $75 out of every one of my paychecks goes into a savings account that only I have access to. This account is to be my fun money but will probably only be used to buy him gifts. He knows the account exists but its not something we actively talk about.

    Post # 49
    Member
    26 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    It’s not so much a “secret stash” as it is.. well just plain stashing. My grandmother did it, my mom does it, and I find myself doing it as well… You just put $20 in the secret pocket of a purse, or a few dollars in the jeans you wear on special occasions, etc. My grandmother has told us that that our inheritance is whatever we can find balled up in her purses, pockets, car, etc. As a kid it was nice, because mom always had extra money on her.. but apparently it runs in the family – I lost more than a couple of bucks to “finders keepers” during laundry! 

    In all honesty, we plan on my being the one in charge of the budget and we’re doing what many bees have talked about here, which is keeping joint checking and separate checking.. because I feel we’ll save together, but I really don’t need to know just how much $$ he’s blown at Starbucks… and vice versa.

    Post # 50
    Member
    12 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    How would he feel if he knew that, somewhere in the back of your mind you might leave him. Or you feel like your marriage won’t make it. I would be so distraught if my Fiance did this to me. I would never consider hiding money.

    Post # 51
    Member
    176 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I dont see a problem with it. If my Fiance dies, he leaves me and my son nothing. We are too young to have any type of 401k or investments. I would probably tell him about the stash though. Even though I dont think he would have a problem what so ever if I didnt. He would just be happy me and our baby would be taken care of. Now I do keep like an extra $100 in my purse for “fun” spending.

    Tip: if you want to stash a little money in the house, hide it in a tampon box. He’ll never look!

    Post # 52
    Member
    587 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    My husband and I just have one joint account but I can understand people keeping separate accounts for various reason. But to have a “secret” account, just in case things don’t work out for the marriage? I don’t think I’d ever even consider it. It feels like preparing yourself for divorce and hiding something like that from your husband might push things in that direction anyhow. It doesn’t seem like a good idea if you’re trying to build a marriage and a life together and grow in intimacy.

    That said, I know things do happen sometimes (not just divorce, but also illness and death). Having an emergency fund that your husband knows about seems fine. As for us, we have friends and family that I know would help us (or me, if it came to that) get back on my feet, so I don’t really worry.

    Post # 53
    Member
    288 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    I said yes, but my account’s aren’t exactly a secret…DH knows about all accounts that I have, he just doesn’t care to remember or know how much money I have in them…

    Post # 54
    Member
    531 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 1998

    I think it’s one thing to have your own personal account so you don’t have to constantly be asking for money every time you need a sandwich/J.Crew splurge/New Moon Special Edition DVD, etc., but it seems odd to keep secret money in case your husband splits on you. If you think that might happen, maybe you need to look a little harder at your relationship. I know we’re all fallible, but it’s not like oh, all is well and then he suddenly gambled away your life savings – that’s not how those kinds of things work, generally.

    I’m all for being independant, but that sounds a little nuts to me.

    Post # 55
    Member
    132 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I woudnt ever do this. I think it relates to that “more money more problems” situation and if you are keeping it secret thats probably not a good idea. Most problems in marriage happen alot because money as everyone says… But my husband and I share everything and anything so I just wouldnt really need anything like this and like another poster said IF anything bad like that would ever happen I still have lots of family I could rely on anyways!

    If I found out my husband has a secret account of money I would probably get pretty pissed off. But I dont think he would ever do that or NOT have me on an account since im the one dealing with the money stuff in our relationship mostly rofl.

    Post # 56
    Member
    648 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    We plan on having separate accounts and a household account, but the idea of “secret” money makes me cringe. If HE has a secret money account, I would be pissed, so I apply the same thinking to myself.

    Post # 57
    Member
    92 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I would “just in case” b/c I’m that kind of person. But, unfortunately, I don’t make much money, so I can’t really do that.

    Post # 58
    Hostess
    4996 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    It’s the secrecy that bothers me. Why does it have to be that way? If you want to have a “stash,” why not tell your SO that you want to keep an account that’s only under your name? 

    Post # 59
    Member
    3292 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I have my own savings account, but my husband knows about it.

    Post # 60
    Member
    592 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I have a secret stash.  I put away about $375 a month into an account he can’t see.  This secret account is in addition to the $1400 a month we put into joint savings, our own $550 a month in allowance in respective personal checkings and $3600+ we put into our joint account for bills, etc. 

    I am holding onto this $ for a rainy day.  I’m not really sure what we’ll do with the $ yet.  Maybe put it towards a vehicle when his stops running?  Maybe go towards that sprinkler system he’s been dreaming about or maybe towards my tummy tuck once I am done having children.

    I have a good friend whose mom did this.  When his dad was out of work due to an injury and they went through all of the savings, the bills were still paid.  Eventually his dad figured out his mom had tucked away $ and that $$ floated them until his dad got back on his feet again.

    Post # 61
    Member
    9168 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I have a seperate savings account that’s just for me that he doesn’t have access to, however he knows about.  He’s never going to get his hands on it though! 

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