(Closed) Keeping a “safety stash” of money that your husband doesn’t know about?

posted 11 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: Do/would you keep a "safety stash" of money that your husband doesn't know about?

    Yes, I do this.

    No, but I will/I want to/I think it's a good idea

    I'm not sure, I have mixed feelings about this.

    No, I would never do it.

    Other.

  • Post # 91
    Member
    188 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    Sorry were not married yet but i wanted to put in my input. 

    SO and i have seperate accounts and we will after marriage. I have a savings account cause hes bad with saving $. He knows about it but he doesnt know how much. I sometimes stress how little there is even when theres a lot because he sometimes suggests we use the money on pointless things rather than saving for a house/wedding/emergency etc.

    Post # 92
    Member
    137 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: January 2016

    My Fiance and I have individual checking, joint checking and joint savings. I’m incharge of finances so I know every penny that goes in and out of our accounts. We each get an “allowance” of cash into our individual checking accounts and then everything else is pulled into one of the joint accounts. Also all bills go through the joint checking, so individual checking is just to spend on whatever nonsense he likes to buy.

    I still however, have my savings account. I set it up through direct deposit and never changed it. it isn’t a lot only a couple hundred a month. It’s not for anything in particular..more like just in case

    Post # 93
    Member
    7365 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I don’t see the point to being secret about it. I think its important to have some accounts jointly and to absolutely have your own seperate accounts. No reason to hide the fact. 

    Post # 94
    Member
    13721 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    I would actually recommend this strongly for anyone in an abusive marriage or something like that, but generally speaking, no. 

    Post # 95
    Member
    2347 posts
    Buzzing bee

    View original reply
    Miss Velveteen:  Interesting response on here. I would not do this. We will be combining finances 100% when we get married. Honestly I can’t wait for that because currenly it’s a real pain in the ass that we have things separate (although I was the one who was unwilling to combine money prior to marriage). 

    We’ll have one savings account, one checking account, and one credit card line that we share. We’re not going to do the whole fun money allowance thing, we’re both very frugal and very similar in our views on money so we don’t need an imposed limit on how much we can each spend on things. 

    It’s also easier for us to have everything combined because I work part-time from home and take care of most of the houeshold stuff, so I do most of the shopping, etc. I also do all of the financial planning, so me having access to everything is pretty important and Fiance also wanted it this way. 

    Post # 96
    Member
    1496 posts
    Bumble bee

    We have joint accounts and separate accounts. We each have money in personal savings accounts as well as joint savings. We know how much each other has, but we know what’s in the account, stays in the account. It’s mostly for retirement/safety money for ourselves I guess. If we had to use it on “us” (For example, our house is destroyed and we have to buy another) then we would. But it’s just money to sit there. 

    I don’t see the need to have a “secret” stash of money. That seems wrong to me. It’s fine if my husband doesn’t know how much I have in a savings account, but to keep the entire account a secret just seems wrong and unnecessary. Like I don’t trust him or something.

    Post # 97
    Member
    9575 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2015

    I will have a seperate little account for discretionary spending/splurging but not enough for “safety” and it wont be a secret. If I ever need to flee my parents or brother would send me whatever I needed in a heartbeat.

    Post # 98
    Member
    272 posts
    Helper bee

    I may be in the minority here and I haven’t read all 7 pages of comments, but when we got married, it was agreed that we would merge our personal accounts and have one joint account.

    It’s how we show each other, “what’s mine is yours” in a very real way.

    It’s vulnerable and can bring up some tricky conversations and it’s definitely a huge change from how we handled money separately when we were dating and engaged but it cements us together and I love it.

    I would not keep secret money from my husband and I don’t believe in an escape plan. I believe in open and honest communication to prevent issues that would require a secret stash in the first place.  

    Post # 99
    Member
    684 posts
    Busy bee

    I have my own retirement savings that i started before we met.

    Post # 100
    Member
    436 posts
    Helper bee

    Consider the laws of your state. In the event of divorce you will have to disclose the “secret stash.”

    Post # 101
    Member
    5362 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2016

    I have plenty of money that will forever be separate, but he knows all about it. 

    Post # 102
    Member
    4697 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    We have our own savings accounts but they’re not a secret. They’re just the accounts we had before getting a joint one.

    So, if either of us needs to flee.. We’re good. I think keeping financial matters a secret is a recipe for disaster. Not to mention, in the event of a divorce.. You’d most likely (depending on regional laws) have to disclose that anyways.

    Post # 103
    Member
    1555 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    View original reply
    Miss Velveteen:  Nope. Thought we will have both a mutual account and a solo account each, and don’t have to disclose the status of the solo account if we don’t want to. But I feel hiding money from your spouse means that you don’t trust them.

    Post # 104
    Member
    3212 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    Somebody suggested that it is good for abused partners to have… I’d say they are the people who are not only least likely to have that set up in advance but least likely to be able to build that up once they need it. 

    I think it is healthy and natural to have control over money that is “yours.” No matter whether you are male or female, something shitty could happen, your spouse could die or divorce you, and if all your credit is joint credit? You’re screwed.

    The topic ‘Keeping a “safety stash” of money that your husband doesn’t know about?’ is closed to new replies.

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